Beethoven Unharmed In Crash
2009-12-08 by Adam Downer STAFF | 121 Comments
Solo artist Ludwig Van Beethoven, age 240, emerged unharmed from a carriage accident
yesterday while touring in support of his latest album, Ode To Joy, in Vienna.
Onlookers say that Beethoven had many women of ill repute in his carriage and appeared under
the influence of port.

When asked to comment on the crash, Beethoven replied "What?"

This comes off the heels of Beethoven's much publicized battle with Mozart for chart
supremacy, and Mozart's Requiem Mass is off to an early lead on Billboard Top 40.


No word on how this will affect the sales of Ode To Joy, which has recently been
under the subject of critical scrutiny, receiving a lukewarm 4.6 from Pitchfork and an
unfavorable review from Sputnikmusic's own Nicholas Greer, who said "While Beethoven's
ninth effort represents an attempted new direction for the composer, it ultimately lacks the
brilliant use of recitative and dominant seventh chords in the third and fourth french horn
sections that made his earlier work,
The Eroica Symphony, such a tour de force."
Tagged: Ludwig van Beethoven

Comments:Add a Comment 
NOTINTHEFACE
December 8th 2009
1653 Comments


In before deletion. Although it is a staff...

Made me lol.

joshuatree
Emeritus
December 8th 2009
3742 Comments


downer

cirq
December 8th 2009
9264 Comments


hehe

joshuatree
Emeritus
December 8th 2009
3742 Comments


what the hell

shindip
December 8th 2009
3536 Comments


ahahahahaahaha

Roach
December 8th 2009
2148 Comments


lol this is great

Relinquished
December 8th 2009
25214 Comments


rofl

BallsToTheWall
December 8th 2009
44644 Comments


L.O.Ling all night long.

Digging: Mare Cognitum - Phobos Monolith

shortone323
December 8th 2009
883 Comments


I see what you did there. Pretty funny though.

qwe3
December 8th 2009
21362 Comments


holy shit this made me laugh so hard

Jom
Staff Reviewer
December 8th 2009
2688 Comments


I lost it at the Greer quotation. At first I thought there wasn't enough polysyllabic jargon but you redeemed yourself towards the end.

Tulannical
December 8th 2009
2051 Comments


^ this hahaha

wexenhex
December 8th 2009
192 Comments


wtf random.

NotMrBlonde
December 8th 2009
395 Comments


I am in love with this.

SeaAnemone
December 8th 2009
20556 Comments


niceness

Digging: Dirty Beaches - Stateless

PanasonicYouth
December 8th 2009
7412 Comments


hahahahahahahaha
downer you sillypants

VicariousIntent
December 8th 2009
1594 Comments


This is legendary.

xKERBYx
December 8th 2009
115 Comments


keep it!

PuddlesPuddles
December 8th 2009
4784 Comments


Lolololololol

Hate when he lacks dominant sevenths

BSX
December 8th 2009
1633 Comments


^
This

Jim
December 8th 2009
5110 Comments


this article wins

can we keep it, pweeze

pizzamachine
December 8th 2009
12571 Comments


Thank God Beethoven survived!

combustion07
December 8th 2009
5376 Comments


HAHAHA

Prophet178
December 8th 2009
6397 Comments


Did he manage to salvage any brews?

BallsToTheWall
December 8th 2009
44644 Comments


^^ I would hope so.

oathfbass
December 8th 2009
388 Comments


I saw this on the main page and was like "wha...."


lmao

adrianman
December 8th 2009
59 Comments


we need more of these.

shade
December 8th 2009
1198 Comments


looooll

Dystopic
December 8th 2009
183 Comments


That is brillliant.

AtavanHalen
December 8th 2009
17927 Comments


Standards standards

c wut i did there

dylantheairplane
December 8th 2009
2170 Comments


bahaha, too bad only staff can get away with shit like this. I guess if it wasnt this way then the
news would be full of a bunch of bs stories though

Deviant.
Staff Reviewer
December 8th 2009
31372 Comments


"When asked to comment on the crash, Beethoven replied "What?""

Freakin genius

Digging: Objekt - Flatland

killrobotmusic
December 8th 2009
670 Comments


That's because staff is funny enough to make shit like this. Awesome.

SeaAnemone
December 8th 2009
20556 Comments


Underoath seriously was in a crash yesterday if anyone feels like posting.

Prophet178
December 8th 2009
6397 Comments


I posted it like 4 hours ago haha.

TRMshadow
December 8th 2009
4982 Comments


this is hilarious!

SeaAnemone
December 8th 2009
20556 Comments


up nevermind, my bad for not seeing it

pride
December 8th 2009
227 Comments


Obligatory lol

Poet
December 8th 2009
5935 Comments


The Greer section was brilliant. Good job Adam.

XulOnerom
December 8th 2009
1818 Comments


This thread delivers

Adam Downer, you are Sputniker Of The Year 2009

CushMG15
December 8th 2009
1802 Comments


good stuff right here.

ThePalestMexican
December 8th 2009
2816 Comments


I read the thing, and was like "he's back to life?...and he died again?"

MentalityOfA
December 8th 2009
1213 Comments


Nice.

cvlts
December 8th 2009
8967 Comments


lol'd massive

Wizard
December 8th 2009
19523 Comments


That was awesome. Props to Electric City.

Digging: Godflesh - A World Lit Only By Fire

klap
Staff Reviewer
December 8th 2009
10499 Comments


lol clearly adam is done with his essays

Digging: Caribou - Our Love

dancelogandance
December 8th 2009
38 Comments


you forgot to mention that a grand piano and merch were stolen from the carriage

erasedcitizen
December 8th 2009
716 Comments


That's an old ass nigga.

PeteyThePistol
December 8th 2009
208 Comments


rofl so fucking good

elephantREVOLUTION
December 8th 2009
2766 Comments


BEST NEWS EVER. But I am glad to hear he's ok, just like everyone else. lol at nick greer.

sassysista
December 8th 2009
43 Comments


yeah that ode to joy was always a bit trite. hilarious.

cjgone
December 9th 2009
767 Comments


i thought he died

Ire
December 9th 2009
41803 Comments


you've just been downer'd

Crysis
Staff Reviewer
December 9th 2009
16440 Comments


omg this is the best fucking thing ever.

Digging: Swallowed - Lunarterial

Waior
December 9th 2009
11460 Comments


What is the meaning of this, Adam?

HallucinogeNick
December 9th 2009
755 Comments


In similar news, Beethoven's tour bus got robbed today

HellbillyDeluxe
December 9th 2009
6 Comments


To those of you who gave Ode to Joy an "Album Rating" of 1, go screw yourselves. Stop listening to the same Sputnik cult Music and check out what real stuff is made of. Posers.

Schizophrenik
December 9th 2009
842 Comments


1. i lol'd for seriously like a minute
2. how much weed to i need to smoke to come up with stuff like this?

DFelon204409
Emeritus
December 9th 2009
3995 Comments


lolololoolololoololol this must never be deleted

Meatplow
December 9th 2009
5524 Comments


R.I.P DIME smoke weed dring a blacktooth grin and rock the fu*k out

ErasersAtBothEnds
December 9th 2009
288 Comments


lol'd

Piglet
December 9th 2009
4659 Comments


silly!

dansxdead
December 9th 2009
438 Comments


This is great.

ScorpionStan
December 9th 2009
1834 Comments


great job Adam, this brought massive lolz. just great.

Nokterne
December 9th 2009
85 Comments


don't delete, this is cool

CrazyFool84
December 9th 2009
1080 Comments


ahaha nice job

Tits McGee
December 9th 2009
1876 Comments


downer, this is the greatest thing you've ever done

StrizzMatik
December 9th 2009
3208 Comments


Best news article ever

[IMG]http://www.forumammo.com/cpg/albums/userpics/10062/roflcopterug0.gif[/IMG]

Greer comment needs moar Thrice

Digging: Lagwagon - Hang

botb
December 9th 2009
9721 Comments


so awesome

Asiatic667
December 9th 2009
4648 Comments


sheer hillarity

AnotherBrick
December 9th 2009
9771 Comments


lolzzz

Auldy
December 9th 2009
351 Comments


"When asked to comment on the crash, Beethoven replied "What?""


Ahaha!

TMobotron
Contributing Reviewer
December 9th 2009
7133 Comments


I looked at this title for so long trying to figure out what it really meant before clicking. Then I
realized there was no hidden meaning, just an actual article about beethoven.

EDIT: Also that Nick Greer quote was great lol.

Douchebag
December 9th 2009
3624 Comments


Hahaha best thing ever.

Shrapnel94
December 9th 2009
2213 Comments


Best of wishes to him and those involved in the crash.

Motiv3
December 9th 2009
8939 Comments


LOL hahaha

TheyTookOurJobs
December 9th 2009
1318 Comments


funny

Fugue
December 9th 2009
7353 Comments


Late on the bandwagon but Lol.

Homunculusninja
December 9th 2009
112 Comments


so good

Cesar
December 9th 2009
2732 Comments


Beethoven died due to complications from this crash. He will be missed RIP.

Geist
December 9th 2009
371 Comments


We need to make this a rolling narrative- more Beethoven stories on his everyday problems with producers, collaborations, and record company deals.

TheDanSandwich
December 9th 2009
141 Comments


Class.

StrizzMatik
December 9th 2009
3208 Comments


Geist is seconded

Poet
December 9th 2009
5935 Comments


lol clearly adam is done with his essays


lol maybe he wanted to take a break.

PanasonicYouth
December 9th 2009
7412 Comments


teeny weeny string bikini!

Mendigo
December 9th 2009
2299 Comments


who the fuck cares about Beethoven anyway, he hasn't written anything worthwhile in centuries

Bullitt
December 9th 2009
1666 Comments


Lol, classic.

Greggers
December 9th 2009
2375 Comments


This is so fucking funny

Titan50
December 9th 2009
4588 Comments


Glad to hear he's okay

Mevz
December 9th 2009
235 Comments


I want to marry whoever posted this.

Geist
December 9th 2009
371 Comments


Imma sorry, Bach, but Beethoven had the greatest live show of all time!

OF ALL TIME!

Speaking of which- when is Beethoven going to come out with a video for the single 'Ode to Joy'? It
seems like it's been forever since the debut.

ZeroTolerance
December 9th 2009
435 Comments


I came. But not cause of this article.

cleary21
December 9th 2009
671 Comments


lol at ^^^ and the article

PuddlesPuddles
December 9th 2009
4784 Comments


lol Mendigo you owe me pair of new pants

thebhoy
Emeritus
December 9th 2009
4461 Comments


HAHAHAHAHA win.

MrCalum
December 9th 2009
371 Comments


haha

zaruyache
December 9th 2009
6904 Comments


Awesome.

Digging: Ardour Loom - Demo

DiceMan
December 9th 2009
7068 Comments


But why is the rum gone!?!?!?

Gyromania
December 9th 2009
15941 Comments


SOOOOO bloody funny.

Digging: Lantlos - .neon

GnarlyShillelagh
Staff Reviewer
December 10th 2009
6160 Comments


hahaha that was great

thatguy84
December 10th 2009
214 Comments


Haha, nice. I really love this place sometimes.

Thor
December 10th 2009
10200 Comments


classic

literally the best news article ever

SmurkinGherkin
December 10th 2009
1769 Comments


i lol'd

Transient
December 10th 2009
1461 Comments


fucking lol

shortone323
December 10th 2009
883 Comments


LOL. I just realized that Beethoven was deaf. So that makes the "What?" comment so much better. Great stuff.

AngelofDeath
Staff Reviewer
December 10th 2009
16137 Comments


Genius bro.

Deviant.
Staff Reviewer
December 10th 2009
31372 Comments


Lol out loud? haha

intothepit83
December 10th 2009
2316 Comments


i find this article shallow and pedantic

Shrapnel94
December 10th 2009
2213 Comments


Laugh out loud out loud?

Pharoh
October 7th 2011
3326 Comments


Random

Scoot
October 7th 2011
17819 Comments


thanks for bumping a two year old posting we've all seen before

Electric City
Staff Reviewer
October 7th 2011
15743 Comments


note: never try to edit anything on sputnik

Digging: Flying Lotus - You're Dead!

taylormemer
October 7th 2011
4917 Comments


Memories.

Trebor.
Contributing Reviewer
October 7th 2011
50587 Comments


Awesome

Digging: Run the Jewels - Run the Jewels 2

toxin.
October 7th 2011
12622 Comments


Wow this was an awesome read

Pharoh
January 14th 2012
3326 Comments


lol

taxidermist
January 14th 2012
7210 Comments


I remember this article way back when I was just a lurker on the site :'-)

Mickeymau5
July 27th 2012
1614 Comments


woah this is funny

johnnydeking29
July 27th 2012
9236 Comments


lol classic

Digging: Kayo Dot - Coffins On Io

ShadowRemains
July 27th 2012
21059 Comments


why the fuck am i seeing this for the first time now...

Digging: Execration (NOR) - Morbid Dimensions

Mickeymau5
July 27th 2012
1614 Comments


"When asked to comment on the crash, Beethoven replied "What?" "

Genius.



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