|Pencil's Week 6 NFL Pick 'Ems|
how I long to feel the warm embrace of death
For Long Tomorrow
*Denver Broncos (4-1) @ San Diego Chargers (1-4)
Hey Chargers, finding creative ways to lose is the Lions job, not yours. Calling it now, Chargers will be in position to score and win the game with less than a minute left and Philip Rivers gets struck by lightning and fumbles the ball away. Now wouldn’t that be ironic and rather tragic?
San Francisco 49ers (1-4) @ *Buffalo Bills (3-2)
So Colin Kaepernick is starting again, as America’s rednecks eagerly watch to see if he gets injured like the fucking mouth breathers they are. Regardless he’s in an uphill battle as he has to deal with a very confident Bills team AT the dumbly named “New Era Stadium” in Buffalo. W E W L A D
*Philadelphia Eagles (3-1) @ Washington Redskins (3-2)
You know, I tried for 5 minutes to think of something borderline witty for this match-up… But I can’t. Two teams I’m rather indifferent about squaring off in a game that actually could impact playoff aspirations down the road? Yeah that works. Fuck Dan Snyder.
You Fail Me
Cleveland Browns (0-5) @ *Tennessee Titans (2-3)
Here Be Dragons
Baltimore Ravens (3-2) @ *New York Giants (2-3)
Is it just me, or are the Ravens in “Panic Mode” right now? Regardless I feel the Giants are due in for a win right? Then again that means absolutely nothing but whatever.
22, A Million
*Carolina Panthers (1-4) @ New Orleans Saints (1-3)
I mean, let’s be real if there’s a team in actual panic mode it’s the defending NFC Champs Panthers. I do expect them to win out against the horrid Saints defense. But Drew Brees will keep the Saints alive in the game. Also I’m starting him in my fantasy league and if he doesn’t do well I will scream.
The Bible 2
Jacksonville Jaguars (1-3) @ *Chicago Bears (1-4)
BLOOPITY BLOOPITY BLOOPITY BLOOPITY BLOOPITY BLOOPITY BLOOPITY BLOOPITY BLOOPITY BLOOPITY. Honestly this one is a toss up. Though lol that Hoyer may take Cutlers starter spot. BLOOPITY BLOOPITY BLOOPITY BLOOPITY
|8||Rage Against the Machine|
Los Angeles Rams (3-2) @ *Detroit Lions (2-3)
I like Matthew Stafford. He seems like a nice boy. Case Keenum is a bad boy. I mean quarterback. Regardless, hopefully the Lions receivers will remember how to actually CATCH THE DAMN BALL and if they can do that, they will win this ball game.
|9||Minus the Bear|
Menos El Oso
*Pittsburgh Steelers (4-1) @ Miami Dolphins (1-4)
This won’t end well.
Cincinnati Bengals (2-3) @ *New England Patriots (4-1)
Have you guys ever listened to Madvillainy before? It’s a fantastic rap album featuring the ever impressive duo of famed rapper MF Doom and legendary producer Madlib. Every song is amazing and short and sweet, no track ever wearing out its welcome. Oh yeah, the game. Patriots win and further annoy everyone else in the league.
Blue Sky Noise
*Kansas City Chiefs (2-2) @ Oakland Raiders (4-1)
Look don’t get me wrong, I personally believe in the Raiders. However, they almost lost to the C H A R G E R S last week at home. While the Chiefs, who are struggling on offense a bit, but are still a far better team than the Chargers. Yeah going with the Chiefs for the upset.
Once More 'Round the Sun
*Atlanta Falcons (4-1) @ Seahawks Seahawks (3-1)
THEY BEAT THE BRONCOS IN DENVER. I’M FAIRLY CERTAIN THEY CAN DO THE SAME TO THE SEAHAWKS. Tho the Seahawks have a better offense than the Broncos but again, whatever.
Bless the Martyr and Kiss the Child
Dallas Cowboys (4-1) @ *Green Day Packers (3-1)
Okay, so here’s the deal Aaron Rodgers. Beat the Cowboys and quiet their hype for a week, then go back to being weirdly not great. Okay? Okay.
Indianapolis Colts (2-3) @ *Houston Texans (3-2)
… I actually don’t have anything to say about this one either. Weird how division games do this to me. Screw the Colts.
|15||Circle Takes the Square|
As the Roots Undo
New York Jets (1-4) @ *Arizona Cardinals (2-3)
This better be the game where the Cardinals wake the hell up and get to at least grasping-length to the team they should be, because I’d rather have them be at the top of the division than the fucking Seahawks or the fucking Rams. Cause lets face it, my Niners still have a way to go.