|Pencil's Week 13 NFL Pick 'Ems|
3 minutes before TNF nice
Dallas Cowboys (10-1) @ *Minnesota Vikings (6-5)
Thursday night upset, everyone. Week 13 starts with a match-up that many are scoffing at, but this pencil thinks otherwise. Despite the Vikings having a pretty baaaad offense, their defense is no joke… But I’ll admit this is more wishful thinking than rational thought, but hey someone’s gotta side with the underdog amiright?
Kansas City Chiefs (8-3) @ *Atlanta Falcons (7-4)
As much as I like the Chiefs, and do believe that they can go into the playoffs as a huge sleeper team, they gonna get f u c k e d by the Falcons offense. Who knows, maybe this match-up will be repeated in the Super Bowl? Okay that’s super unlikely but a boy can dream damn it.
The Heat Death of the Universe
Detroit Lions (7-4) @ *New Orleans Saints (5-6)
If the Saints can beat the SEAHAWKS at home, they can beat the Lions at home. But this will almost certainly become a high scoring affair, the game the Saints match-up against the Giants this year should have been.
Wish You Were Here
Los Angeles Rams (7-9) @ *New England Patriots (9-2)
I guess you could say it would be a miracle if the Rams were able to “Goff” up a win this week hahahahahahahaha. Yeah they’re gonna get screwed in 9 different ways in front of the bloodthirsty New England crowd.
The Artist in the Ambulance
*Denver Broncos (7-4) @ Jacksonville Jaguars (2-9)
January 4th, 1997. The Jaguars in only their second year of existence managed to get a 9-7 record and went on to the playoffs, where they beat the Buffalo Bills in the Wild Card round the week prior. The first seeded Broncos were 14 point favourites, but Jacksonville came into the game with something to prove, and shocke Denver 30 to 27. The Jaguars would then fall to the Patriots in the AFC Conference Championship the following week, 20 to 6.
Since I Left You
Houston Texans (6-5) @ *Green Tray Packers (5-6)
Despite the Packers snapping their losing streak, and them almost certainly beating the Texans this week, I still fail to see them being able to come up from behind and still win the division.
My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
*Philadelphia Eagles (5-6) @ Cincinnati Bengals (3-7-1)
Let the Bengals next rebuilding period begin! I wonder who’ll be replacing Lewis as Head Coach? Do you think they’ll go from within, or do you think they’ll find someone completely new? Also not having A.J. Green while Andy Dalton is playing mediocre at best is not doing the cats any favours.
Miami Dolphins (7-4) @ *Baltimore Ravens (6-5)
These teams play against each other a lot. Uh, I honestly believe this could about go either way, so fuck it home team wins here.
|9||Godspeed You! Black Emperor|
Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven
*San Francisco 49ers (1-10) @ Chicago Bears (2-9)
It sucks that this is the shitfest of the year. Seriously whoever loses this game is pretty much guaranteed the second overall pick in the draft. With that said, most of the Bears starters are dead and lead by Matt Barkley, while Kaepernick has been ACTUALLY PLAYING WELL HIMSELF LOOK AT HIS STATS DESPITE HAVING NO GREAT RECEIVERS.
Buffalo Bills (6-5) @ *Oakland Raiders (9-2)
The worst passing defense vs. one of the top passing teams in the league. Need I say more?
*New York Giants (8-3) @ Pittsburgh Steelers (6-5)
Is it just me or am I getting serious 2007 vibes from the Giants this year? They’re still one of the best teams in the NFC right now yet nobody is giving them credit, probably because they have a 10-1 team in their division. Even though the Giants gave the 10-1 Cowboys that one loss. Plus the Steelers are falling victim to their usual “offense can never stay consistent” problem.
|12||Run the Jewels|
Run the Jewels
Washington Blueorgans (6-4-1) @ *Arizona Cardinals (4-6-1)
Ehhhhhh, I think the underachieving Cardinals are due for a win at home this week. I don’t care. Move on.
The Ugly Organ
*Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-5) @ San Diego Chargers (5-6)
Look, if the Buccs can hold Seattle to only 5 points, I’m sure they can hold the Chargers to not a lot… Oh wait the Chargers offense > Seahawks offense. Well regardless I’m going with Tampa.so bite me.
Carolina Panthers (4-7) @ *Seattle Seahawks (7-3-1)
While I dooooo think there is a chance for the Panthers to pull the upset here, It’s also not super likely cause the Panthers bed has more shit in it than sheets.
The Moon & Antarctica
Indianapolis Colts (5-6) @ *New York Jets (3-8)
Colts defense sucks the Jets proved that they can still be competitive this season in Week 13’s less than thrilling closer.