intotheshit: Coffee Shops: Fuck 'em

Masochist 03.28.13	"Don't tell me you have an affinity for coffee and then take me to Starbucks. That's like telling Mr you wanna show me what Australian food is like and then taking e me to Outback" Hahaha, this! I go to Starbucks because I DON'T like coffee that much, only when it's flavored and pansyish. I feel your pain, though--hipster coffee shops can be a painful experience if you're not one yourself. But hey...gotta be better than Christian coffee shops, right?
intotheshit 03.28.13	Seriously, what the fuck happened to the formatting?
NeoSpaz 03.28.13	Christian Coffee Shops > all
intotheshit 03.28.13	I had to wait 20 minutes at the register this morning because some metrosexual and his 75 lb girlfriend that looked like a mime minus the paint couldn't decide between a hot mocha or an iced one.
sideburndude 03.28.13	double the passion
BallsToTheWall 03.28.13	Fuck man, I'd lose my shit. I have a good coffee shop up here in Melbourne. Might be hipsters yeah but no faux hawk faggots.
intotheshit 03.28.13	I could deal with them if they didn't brag how much they know about some avant-garde neo-folk outfit from Macedonia.
NorwichScene 03.28.13	I'm beginning to like you shit
Sirob 03.28.13	I hate all this shit too fucking hipsters
intotheshit 03.28.13	I have to find a new lunch spot because of them. They dont do takeout, and I can't stand the conversation I overhear while I'm there. God, if you're real, please eradicate all of the hipster swine in the 561 area code, I can drink my coffee and eat my gyro in peace.
Emyay 03.28.13	funny list, good work
Relinquished 03.28.13	Vide Infra is too low man
InbredJed 03.28.13	Ever been to British Columbia? Here the Hipster coffee shops ARE Christian coffee shops as well...
KjSwantko 03.28.13	While I agree with most of list, I must still call you a faggot because I wear v-necks and thus must defend them.
intotheshit 03.28.13	Wait to you see my B-)pants, or v-crotch if you will.
Yuli 03.28.13	I'm a hipster that hangs out at Starbucks, and this list is still perfect
BallsToTheWall 03.28.13	Listen to Motorhead terrify the vagrants.
intotheshit 03.28.13	Fuck that. I'm gonna bring my phone next time and blast Insect Warfare over the speakers.
Keyblade 03.28.13	good ranking dude 'cept Vide Infra is too low
BallsToTheWall 03.28.13	Fuck, id just blast Motorhead, and rub my sweaty, deodorant less armpits on their faces.
FigNewtns 03.28.13	i hate waiting 20 minutes for a fucking coffee cuz some jerkoff ahead of me ordered some frilly, sugary drink. ive been resorting to gas station coffee more lately.
SeaAnemone 03.28.13	I miss italy where awesome coffee shops were the norm and on every block I'd wake up to a cup or two of the best espresso ever prepared at home for me every morning, and have another cup or two every night before I go out : ( now I just drink shitty coffee like the starbux on our campus though because, you know, convenience
wabbit 03.28.13	I have really short legs so I wear kinda skinny jeans cause it makes me look better. But yeah fuck the super skinny ones Coffee places are actually the best thing about ottawa since ottawa doesn't really have hipsters so it's actually just about good coffee.
Emyay 03.28.13	i'm the jerkoff getting the frilly sugary drink, but thats only like once every couple of months. normally i just drink shit coffee black here at work in the mornings
BallsToTheWall 03.28.13	^good. Drink coffee black you nancys. Gets the job done and it's healthy for you.
ReturnToRock 03.28.13	1. 5 and especially 8 should be much higher. 2. There's nothing wrong with iced coffee or caramel lattes. 3. I like coffee. I like Starbucks. I also like espresso (REAL espresso - I come from Portugal, and grew up drinking 50-cent cups of it, so I know what it is). Sue me. 4. Here in Britain, coffee shops are not 99% hipsters, fortunately. 5. I used to make fun of the Starbucks crowd, until my caffeine addiction caught up to me with nary an espresso bar in sight. Now I'm a regular.
ReturnToRock 03.28.13	Oh, and there's a sure fire way to drown out hipster conversation. It's called HEADPHONES. It's a revolutionary new technology. You use them with these tiny things called mp3 players, or these other slightly larger things called smartphones or laptops. They're really effective for that kind of thing.
intotheshit 03.28.13	Not when you're trying to have a conversation with someone else. Hurr durr.
SeaAnemone 03.28.13	ReturnToRock doesn't have convos with [i]people in real life[/i] lol who do you think you're talking to oh and BLACK COFFEE IS THE ONLY COFFEE
Spec 03.28.13	Just a large coffee. That's all ya need.
BallsToTheWall 03.28.13	3 large coffees and a kelp tablet and im good to go.
Spec 03.28.13	I get shaky if I have too much coffee. One or two is usually enough.
SeaAnemone 03.28.13	I drink coffee a lot but it still affects me a lot like I'll get kinda jittery after a large one can't function in my 9am classes without it though
BallsToTheWall 03.28.13	Most of the time I'm twitchy and neurotic from the iced tea/coffee or rockstar recovery's so I have no qualms about being over caffeinated.
ReturnToRock 03.28.13	"Not when you're trying to have a conversation with someone else. Hurr durr." Point. "BLACK COFFEE IS THE ONLY COFFEE" No it isn't. And the only time I got twitchy, I'd had SEVEN black espressos.
YankeeDudel 03.28.13	most of the time coffee just makes me crash instantly. i think im sensitive to caffeine. which sucks because i love the stuff.
ReturnToRock 03.28.13	^Coffee's supposed to make you more excitable, not less???
Emyay 03.28.13	yo green tea good too
Wolfhorde 03.28.13	"If you go to a coffee shop just to hang out there, that usually means you either need a significant other or you're homeless. Both don't look good." Unless you're in Vienna where hangin' out in good old "Cafés" to some proper Apfelstrudel while doing it is whatever you do is pretty normal since the 20th century. also BLACK COFFEE IS THE ONLY COFFEE [2]
ReturnToRock 03.28.13	I find coffee shops a relaxing place to do some writing, personally.
ReturnToRock 03.28.13	Oh, and in Lisbon, students go to 'cafés' to do homework, etc, over an espresso or a tall draught beer (called the 'imperial'). Other professionals do, too, depending on how upmarket/near their workplace/pleasant the café is.
BallsToTheWall 03.28.13	Unless you're in Vienna where hangin' out in good old "Cafés Hemingway like a motherfucker
YankeeDudel 03.28.13	"^Coffee's supposed to make you more excitable, not less???" oh is it thanks
Yuli 03.28.13	Black coffee is definitely the way to go. And yeah, I write in coffee shops too, discriminate all you want bitches
ReturnToRock 03.28.13	high-fives Omaha
Spec 03.28.13	Rockstar recovery works great but I'm pretty sure is still terrible for you.
ReturnToRock 03.28.13	My mum drank black coffee every morning for years before noticing it was making her too 'on edge' and quitting. She's recently gone back to having one/two espressos a day, but not for breakfast anymore. My mum's badass.
ReturnToRock 03.28.13	It's more than dress code with hipsters. HIPSTERS!!! :@
BallsToTheWall 03.28.13	Rockstar recovery works great but I'm pretty sure is still terrible for you. Probaly but that aint stopping me. I really love those Rockstar sour bubbleberry drinks. Those things are going to kill me.
ReturnToRock 03.28.13	No, a hipster is a hipster. There's a stereotype, just like for nerds. Which by the way, you call someone who's doing something different a nerd or a 'freakie', or at least you did in my day.
wabbit 03.28.13	sometimes coffee is good with cream but yeah 90% of the time black
Emyay 03.28.13	hil-dawg have you ever been around hipsters before? they're the worst...this is a known fact. "A hipster is just what people call anyone that is doing something different" false
wabbit 03.28.13	espresso doesn't have a lot of caffeine typically the weaker the coffee the more caffeine (THAT'S WHY BREAKFEST COFFEE IS SO WEAK...or why tim horton's fucks me up)
Wolfhorde 03.28.13	"Hemingway like a motherfucker" You bet. "A hipster is just what people call anyone that is doing something different," Actually not, use google for once in your life. @Return: Same here. Even our lawyers partially hang out at cafés.
BallsToTheWall 03.28.13	I thought I was looking at my mother's old douche bag, but that's in Ohio.
wabbit 03.28.13	maybe not weaker cause lots of people just suck at coffee but the lighter the roast since caffeine doesn't like being roasted
ReturnToRock 03.28.13	Hipster: "I see you're listening to [Insert Band]. [Insert Band] have been super mainstream ever since [insert breakthrough album] in [insert year, preferably 10 or 20 years ago]. You should listen to [namedrop obscure band, preferably from obscure location]. They're avant-garde post-psychedelic-trip-pop with Eastern folk influences, and they perfectly encapsulate the dichotomy of existentialist thought in their minimalistic, haunting work. They also stand up to fur trading and are 100% vegan."
Wolfhorde 03.28.13	"typically the weaker the coffee the more caffeine (THAT'S WHY BREAKFEST COFFEE IS SO WEAK...or why tim horton's fucks me up)" Idk, over here the stronger coffee the more the caffeine mostly. I'll need at least 2-4 cups in the morning of the 'weak' stuff my mum's got, the stuff I go with I can roll with half of that.
Yuli 03.28.13	ReturnToRock is spot-on. I don't think 100% "hipsters" really exist as a whole, but there are definitely people that adhere to that trend in quite a few ways. I mean, I do in some ways, like fashion and music (I guess, although it feels reaching to say that because I like indie music...), Others spend so much time fighting the 'hipster' stereotype, which will probably form another stereotype down the road, etc etc.
ReturnToRock 03.28.13	I forgot to add the contemptuous, sneering: "I can't believe you don't know [obscure band], you are SO mainstream!" at the end.
Eclecticist 03.28.13	It's incredible how much you people give a shit. I almost never drink the coffee I purchase at the actually place I purchased it from. And if I do, I normally do not follow other people's conversations or sit bitterly judging everyone that sits around me.
Wolfhorde 03.28.13	Bumblebee bringing the elite up in this bitch. And Hilary managing to bring politics into this topic while managing to deliberately misunderstand a widely used term, WOOO.
Eclecticist 03.28.13	If it's elite to not give a shit then alright.
BallsToTheWall 03.28.13	If somebody called me a hipster for being too lazy to wear matching clothing i'd start cracking skulls like Bobby beat Whitney.
Wolfhorde 03.28.13	"matching clothing" How would that even be an actual thing? As in non-subjective?
ShadowRemains 03.28.13	shut the fuck up jesus christ
Wolfhorde 03.28.13	"sheep-pawns" hey, spoken a like a true hipster trying to avoid the word "sheeple".
intotheshit 03.28.13	Well, Hilary and Elec found a way to turn a joke list into a discussion on semantics. Way to go.
Spec 03.28.13	#winning
Emyay 03.28.13	green tea
InbredJed 03.28.13	Lol, ya I'ma get me some hojicha!
intotheshit 03.28.13	" Yeah you might want to try complaining about the shitty american coffee you inexplicably are dying to get overpriced for in a coffee shop after you bitched and moaned at me about my dad buying me a frapachino or something for like 200 comments on my headphone thread. Not the people who don't know or care if you exist."
SupercolliderMusic 03.28.13	"It's incredible how much you people give a shit. I almost never drink the coffee I purchase at the actually place I purchased it from. And if I do, I normally do not follow other people's conversations or sit bitterly judging everyone that sits around me." [2] This.
toxin. 03.28.13	i wore skinny jeans damn tbh if you wear skinny jeans it doesn't mean anything about your package but it means you need to go to the gym and do some squats. probably with 10s because otherwise you'll hurt your delicate little legs slim or tapered are the way to go
SupercolliderMusic 03.28.13	I wear slims. I hate baggy jeans or really really tight skinny jeans. I think slims look better and are more comfortable.
slipnslide 03.28.13	BLACK COFFEE IS THE ONLY COFFEE[3]
Aids 03.28.13	jesus christ who cares, get your coffee and chill the fuck out hipsters are everywhere and complaining about them (us) just makes us multiply, bro. "omg did he really just say 'large' and not 'venti'? oh this is rich, I gotta do a blog post on this for sure."
intotheshit 03.28.13	Once again, some of you prove how dumb and gullible you are.
ReturnToRock 03.28.13	"lol you just call anything that is you find strange in your certain social group a hipster. Vegan =hipster. Non-mainstream music =hipster. Any clothes you don't like = hipster. Meanwhile I almost gaurantee you are wearing some gay leather pants or some shit. You are mistaking hipster for the widely misused term "liberal", who are actually yuppy statist-authoritarians." Black jeans, casual shoes, semi-casual shirt and a linen jumper. Because work day.
ReturnToRock 03.28.13	@Aids I've heard baristas complain about people not saying 'venti'. Personally, I just say "the larger size"
Uranium 03.28.13	starbucks is almost hipster free now
Calc 03.28.13	coffee is nasty.
Shuyin 03.28.13	rrrcoffee rrrrrrrrrrrshops
Aids 03.28.13	"@Aids I've heard baristas complain about people not saying 'venti'. Personally, I just say "the larger size"" me too. when that happens, I tell them to cancel the order and that I'm never coming back again. I'm serious, I have done this at least ten times. Luckily I live in Vancouver where there are 6798 coffee shops on every block.
Yuli 03.28.13	It seems hard to fathom that they would say anything other than "oh, venti?" which wouldn't offend me. Have these baristas taken it further, Aids? Do I need to beat somebody up?
Aids 03.28.13	yeah they roll their eyes and laugh about it with their co-workers. I'm like BITCH make my fucking coffee and shove your Liberal Arts "degree" up your very, very tight butthole. Must be a northwest thing, we got some real cockgobblers up here.
intotheshit 03.28.13	Umm, sir, you most definitely mean "cocksucker?" rolls eyes Can you believe this guy?
Aids 03.29.13	hahahaha
BallsToTheWall 03.29.13	Starbucks is only good for the breads and cakes.
wacknizzle 03.29.13	List is trvth. 4 is fucking lol
BallsToTheWall 03.29.13	For the record Outback Steakhouse rules.
Aids 03.29.13	"Starbucks is only good for the breads and cakes." also for picking up 7s with your wit and taking them back to your studio apartment to have explosive intercourse with I'm serious, Starbucks are always swimming with 7s, and fuck do I ever love 7s. They're kinda hot /but they think they're ugly/.
taxidermist 03.29.13	I like coffee.
wacknizzle 03.29.13	I'm drinking coffee now, love it! But it's fucking maxwell house, it's mehkay.
BallsToTheWall 03.29.13	Very nice Aids. If I was single I would employ that. Hemingway book under arm, classic movie shirt on and i'd go to work.
BallsToTheWall 03.29.13	If you guys have Fresh Market go there. Fucking good coffee. Expensive but there's free samples.
Aids 03.29.13	you forgot "Arcade Fire playing loudly from the trendy white heaphones coming out of your deep v-neck" for the record: both Arcade Fire and deep v-neck t-shirts rule so damn hard
ReturnToRock 03.29.13	I mainly saw it online, on "Customer Suck" type forums. In real life, I'm actually a good customer who knows what he wants when he steps up, so they're nice to me. We even flirt a bit sometimes (nothing shocking). Once at a Starbucks this Asian girl sat at my table, when there were scads of empty tables around. Since I was working on something and really don't go for Asian women (no racism, I just don't find them sexy) I pretty much ignored her. I wonder why she did that, was she expecting me to pick her up or something? Anyway she just sat there painting her nails and I sat there writing, and after a while she left - without finishing her tea. /random story
CaptainHadouken 03.29.13	I remember Tim horton's while in canada, and then of course we have starbucks here. I prefer just a diner or grabbing a coffee to go most of the time now.
intotheshit 03.29.13	Hilary, give it up already. It's sad.
intotheshit 03.29.13	What are you even talking about?
intotheshit 03.29.13	Um.... Well, you are commenting on my list.....
Inveigh 03.29.13	I don't discourage hil-dawg too much, purely for the comedic element of his posts. I worked at Starbucks through college and even I still agree with this