|A Zappa List To Tickle Your Funny Bone|
Hey! You know what's awesome? Frank Zappa! Yes, one of the most prolific, experimental, and straight up GENIUS artists to have ever lived. You know what's even better? Laughter! Yes, laughter! Like laughing at a clever anecdote or any movie with George Lopez (the only man to rival the genius of Zappa, coincidentally). So, here's the best of Zappa, with, the best Zappa jokes I could dig up from the ol' archives! Enjoy these gutbuster zingdoodles coming straight from my noggin'.
|1||Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention|
So, Youngster #1 walks up to Youngster #2 and asks, "Would you like to trade Pokemon?", to which Youngster #2 replies, "ABSOLutely!"
|2|| ||Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention|
We're Only In It For The Money
Why did Jerry Seinfeld voice act in "Bee Movie"? Because he was only in it for the HONEY!
|3||Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention|
Weasels Ripped My Flesh
What excuse did the little boy have for not turning in his homework? "Weasels ripped my flesh off!"
|4||Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention|
What do you call an evening with your mother? An Overnight sensation!
|5||Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention|
What did Chris Benoit say before he killed his family? FREAK OUT!
What is a rat's favorite game? Hide and SQUEEK!
|7|| ||Frank Zappa|
Jim's grammar skills were so bad, they were an APOSTROPHE!
What do you call the ejaculate of an aging, over weight English man? LUMPY GRAVY!
How do you make a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until its bill withers!
|10||Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention|
What did Dan tell his nephew to call him when they're alone? UNCLE MEAT!
|11||Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention|
Burnt Weeny Sandwich
So, Aneglo asks Pam, "Are you hungy?", to which she replies, "Starving!". So, Aneglo makes a phone call, and within the hour Burt Reynolds arrives. Pam asks, "Oh my God, BURT REYNOLDS! Why are you here?!" Burt proceeds to drop his pants and puts his penis in a hotdog bun. Angelo exclaims, "We're having BURT WEENY SANDWICHES for lunch today!"
|12||Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention|
One Size Fits All
So, Jean-Claude Van Damme is angry at his wife. In terror, she screams, "Stop! You can't hit a woman!", to which he replies, "Don't worry...one size fits all!", and then he punches her. HAR!
|13|| ||Frank Zappa|
Joe's Garage: Acts I, II, & III
I told a friend, "My uncle Joe spends all his time hanging out in the garage." "That's odd", he says. I reply, "Right? I didn't know he even knew how to make a noose!"
|14|| ||Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention|
Roxy & Elsewhere
What was the name of the book Briano Eno wrote about being on tour with Roxy Music? ROXY AND ELSEWHERE! BAH HAR!
The Grand Wazoo
What do the townsfolk call Timmy's whore mother's vagina? THE GRAND WAZOO!
You Are What You Is
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS SO YOU'RE A DICK!
So, Bob Marley and Fozzie Bear are hanging out one day. Bob Marley turns to Fozzie and says, "Waka!", to which Fozzie Bear replies, "Whaaaaat?! Waka?!". Bob Marley replies, "JAH! WAKA!". And that is the story of how Fozzie Bear got his catch phrase and screwed Bob Marley out of millions.
|18||Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention|
Live At The Fillmore East June 1971
"Back in my day, I use to watch Jefferson Airplane at the Fillmore all the time", said the hippy. "Really?", asked his gullible son. "PSYCHedelic!", he responded.
What is former chief justice Bernard Chunga of Kenya waiting for? HIS REVENGE!
There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes." The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes." The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?" She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa!"
What noise does the horn of a Zookeepers car make? ZOOT ZOOT!
London Symphony Orchestra, Vol. 1
What do you call a group of rapists in bow ties? THE LONDON SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA!
The title of this is already a bad joke, so it's really not necessary to make another.
Them or Us
What did Mentally Unstable Manny's hands say to him one day? "It's either them, or, us!" And so he brutally murdered his friends with his bare hands.
Everything Is Healing Nicely (EIHN)
Why couldn't Beethoven hear? Because it turns out his hearing aids were actually DICKS!
I thought I was gonna have fish for dinner, judging from the aroma that wafted through the house. Turns out, my wife was just airing out her vagina!
Ship Arriving Too Late to Save a Drowning Witch
So a horse walks into a bar and then realizes that he's actually in his stable. FUCK!
|29|| ||Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention|
Cruising with Ruben & the Jets
What do you call a super group collaboration between Frank Zappa and Elton John? RU-RU-RU-RUBEN AND THE JETS!
|30||Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention|
Ahead of Their Time
The guillotine was an amazing invention. You could say it was A HEAD of its time!
Jazz From Hell
What do you call Yanni's last record? Jazz from hell!
Civilization Phaze III
What did Hitler call his plans for exterminating the Jews? Civilization Phaze III! (imagine the "Z" is a swastika instead..."
The Man from Utopia
The Yellow Shark
The boy jumped out of the community pool, frightened. "Shark!", he yelled, and ran away. At home he told his mother, "I SAW A YELLOW SHARK!", to which his mother replied, "That wasn't a shark...THAT WAS PEE!"
Make a Jazz Noise Here
What did Miles Davis say to Sonny Rollins? "Make a jazz noise here!"
The Best Band You Never Heard in Your Life
Zappa In New York
How did Frank Zappa die? From sticking his penis in New York! (ya know...that one black chick with the show...)
What do you call a bear playing the drums? BONGO FURY!
Tinsel Town Rebellion
What is my favorite thing in the world? Frank sex. Oh, Zappa!
Frank Zappa Meets the Mothers of Prevention
What did the naive child call worms? Baby snakes!
The Lost Episodes
of Chappelle's Show was pretty disappointing. I don't know, what do you guys think?
Where would you find the world's largest deposit of dried semen? In the bed sheets of 200 Detroit Motels!
What did the mammoth say before drowning? "Gee...tar!"