BigHans
User

Reviews 108
Approval 97%

Soundoffs 49
Album Ratings 2602
Objectivity 76%

Last Active 04-01-14 9:06 pm
Joined 10-08-09

Forum Posts 30
Review Comments 26,454

 Lists
03.05.14 Riffs Of Smash02.25.14 Riffs Of F*cking Fist
02.21.14 The Rad RUSH 5702.17.14 Riff Goddamn City
02.13.14 Rush: Your Origins02.13.14 25k. Spirit of Radio is the best song
01.24.14 Know Who Rules?01.16.14 So, What Did I Miss?
03.08.12 Sputnik Will And Testament 01.12.12 Hard Jams Inc - The Beginning
12.28.11 Hans' 2011 Songs12.27.11 10 Greatest Nfl Teams Of My Lifetime
12.21.11 Pac Vs Biggie - Hans Breaks It Down12.14.11 Hans' Grunge Throwdown (best List Ever)
12.13.11 Stones Vs Beatles - Hans Breaks It Down12.12.11 Metallica V Megadeth - Hans Breaks It D
12.09.11 Priest Vs Maiden - Hans Breaks It Down12.01.11 Hans' Obligatory 2011 List
More »

BigHans Cums Clean

About The Analyzer. I was not the only one involved, it was just an idea I had one day off the top of my head cause KILL was being hilarious with talking about Thrashin hard and stuff and wanted to rib him a little. In any event, I had a lot of help from Inveigh, who wrote 4 of these profiles, and another unnamed user who wrote one of them (I will confirm his identity if he chooses to let it be known, and no, its not Pit, Maniac, or Apollo). So, sorry if we offended anyone, it was not the purpose of this, the purpose was to draw attention to users strengths, gently make fun of their "weaknesses" (sorry about the mom thing Mimsy, honestly I felt like a dick about that), and to have some fun. Below is 10 random users I would have eventually profiled and a few things I probably would have said. Inveigh probably had many of his own in mind, and we had a few recruits lined up, but anyway.
1Muse
Absolution


Sowing Season: A supremely gifted writer who also makes great lists, has never once offended anyone, and is in general a really chill dude. I probably would have made fun of him for liking the Eagles, and for trying really really hard to become a contributor, something he actually really, really deserved.
2Atmosphere
God Loves Ugly


Counterfeit: He's my boy, so I probably would have dropped his score a little just to throw off the scent, but I would have pointed out that Feiter has awesome music taste (aside from Nu Metal, which is always an easy target), and is extremely likeable and pretty damn knowledgable for a young cat. I would have made fun of his grammar ruthlessly, and his penchant for following me around. Solid dude.
3Metallica
Master of Puppets


Progmaster: Really, I wanted to do him from the get go but stayed away because I figured everyone would know it was me, due to our epic arguments and his admitted man crush love/hate feelings towards me. Obviously Proggy is an easy target but I would have pointed out alot of his positives that are often buried by an avalanche of reprehensive douchebaggery. He would have gotten a full 2 points for loving Metallica as much as me.
4Frightened Rabbit
The Midnight Organ Fight


Eric/SeaAnenome: Actually one of the other Analyzers was planning to do Eric, as it would have been really obvious if I had done it because I would have pointed out his massive staff brownosing tendencies, but at the end of the day it can't be denied he is a really great writer and one of the most liked dudes on Sputnik.
5Alcest
Ecailles De Lune


Apollo: Would have done him eventually cause he would have been pissed for not getting one. He's a great guy who has a bit of a penchant for attention whoring and has a hot temper, sort of a Pit lite, but before his recent hiatus was developing into a really good writer and was proving himself to be a great member of the Sputnik community.
6Immolation
Close to a World Below


Fade/Helvete/RippingCorpse/OSDM/Terrifyer/Maidenmmpccc: Come on now, you guys know I would have had to have done Fade. It would have been epic too. Wonder where he went?
7Circle Takes the Square
As the Roots Undo


Michael Jordan: yeah, I had a few ideas for MJ, especially since he appears to be back as GeorgeCostanza and may or may not be the troll spammer.
8Agalloch
The Mantle


The following BMFs would have been done: Spirit, Hawks, Angel of Death, Scream, etc. All chill guys even if I despise their taste.
9Etta James
At Last!


Maniac! - obviosuly I wanted Brandon to have one, probably would have asked Inveigh to do it. Also pretty much everyone in TMF would have had one. And I would have pointed out their weaknesses in full, including myself (although I wouldnt have written my own, but would have provided ideas to rake me over the coals).
10Frank Turner
Love, Ire & Song


EVedder27/Mike Allen - I actually tried to write one on him many times but had a really hard time coming up with weaknesses. The guy is so fucking nice that he never provides any sort of opening/material to rip on him. Awesome writer of course.
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