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(the Real) What Your Favorite 'sputnik Band' Says About You - Part 2

This probably isn't nearly as good as my original one but whatever. [2]
1Radiohead

***"Honey where are you going?" "Tooooooo eaeeeeeeeeeeeeat, mum." "I couldn't understand that. Try speaking normally." "Whaaaaaaaaaaat IS normaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAlllll?" "What?" "Nevermind" "Ok but it's cold out there take a muffler!"*** You're better than everyone else. You have to be. Think about all the people who like you! You could ask any of them to blow your dad and they'd do it without question. in fact, you have already done so, recorded it then sold the audio as an album. It's pretty much a masterpiece. Also, it's pathetically obvious the people who think you're a pretentious faggot who makes fucking meaningless shit into the most important thing ever don't understand you. Remember that time you got one less chicken nugget than you ordered at mcdonalds and everyone had to sit around you heavily implying how much they'd "miss you" if something were to "happen" to you? They wouldn't have done that if you weren't some kind of revolutionary, transcendent being. They don't even know how talented you are, man. Also you sound like a girl, stop doing that thing with your voice, it's pissing me off. Holy shit stop it. You're fucking dead you fuck.
2Arcade Fire

***"Honey where are you going?" "To eat, mum." "Whereabouts?" "Oh don't worry, you've probably never heard of it. You anus." "Ok but it's cold out there take your muffler!"**** People ask you why you like Arcade Fire and what do you do? You DESTROY THEIR ENTIRE FAMILY. They should already know why you like Arcade Fire. You love how they play this sorta unique form of indie rock but something that's also accessible so you can still actually listen to them without putting in much effort. Some of their songs have strings, they're the best ones. Their music is just impeccable. Well, their first album anyways. Then they sorta became a little less?interesting. Too mainstream, if anyone asks your opinion (no one has ever actually asked your opinion on the matter verbally, but you can tell they want to hear it anyways.)
3Emery

***"Honey where are you going?" "To eat, mum" "Whereabouts?" "Somewhere where there are dicks. Lots of dicks" "Why dicks, honey?" "Because as an Emery fan I really like dicks" "Ok but it's cold out there take your muffler!"*** If you listen to Emery you are basically the opposite to everything unique, beautiful and charming. You are also easily pleased. Once you saw a high school rendition of "The Music Man" and you cried for 5 days. Which is pretty sad seeing as how terrible that musical is, but at the same time unsurprising since you like Emery. Sometimes you shut your curtains, lock your door and put on their discography and by "their discography" I mean a dress. but you also probably listen to their discography. Also stop commenting in that thread you cocks. love and kisses, Dave
4Alter Bridge

***"Honey where are you going?" "To eat, mum" "Whereabouts" "McDonald's, but it's McCafe so it's alright" "Isn't that just McDonald's but with a coffee and pastry section?" "It's better though! They serve lattes. Fuck you" "Ok but it's cold out there take your muffler!" "Cunt"*** You were probably a Creed fan way back when you didn't actually mind how bad music was as long as it was music. Holy shit remember when you used to think they were deep? Haha, those were the days. But hey, now that they've gotten rid of that cancerous lead and acquired an (admittedly superb) vocalist and actually let their guitarist play guitar, things are looking up for this motley crew of loveable music makers. I mean it's not like they're going to resort to trite, overused lyrical bullshit and cliche soaring vocals over the top of uplifting chords right? Also their name isn't one of the most hilariously bad things ever, it's just you don't GET the reference, you peons. Hey fuck you guys this band is good. STOP LAUGHING AT ME
5The National

***"Honey where are you going?" "To eat, mum" "Why are you in a suit?" "I'm going for the inexplicably refined and well-to-do look" "Well I think you look very handsome!" "Thanks, I'm planning on not doing anything interesting the entire dinner either" "That sounds really stupid, Honey" "They told me not to listen to you, you fucking balloon." "Ok but it's cold out there take your muffler!"*** Hey remember that time we went to Steve's house and made that massive fucking pudding then we did acid and then the pudding turned into quicksilver so to avoid being contaminated we submerged it in the bathtub? Oh yeah, you were busy cleaning those loafers you wear when you read the New Yorker. I think that's what you said, anyways. Which reminds me, can you from now on 1) speak louder and 2) not speak in fucking riddles? you're not a birthday candle dude. you just aren't. you're like 20 and you wear speedos when you go swimming. You're not one of those guys who's going to stay like this for like 40 years then go to a mall and kill everyone with hawaiian shirts on or something right? Because that's totally not cool. Nice suit though bro. Where you headed?
6Elliott Smith

***"Honey where are you going?" "There's this parade on about flowers or some shit. Apparently the trumpet player is dope. Then I'm going to kill myself." "What was that second thing?" "heh, nothing, I have the flu" "Ok but it's cold out there take your muffler!" "It's summer" "Mother knows best faggot"*** If you listen to Elliott Smith, in all honesty it's probably because you like music that manages to be scary, sad and beautiful at the same time and only by means of voice and guitar. Elliott couldn't really relate to people but shit he could write songs that could help you relate to anything. That was his true genius. Plus he sounds like The Beatles! Seriously not even joking fuck elliott smith rules. There is actually nothing I can make a joke about in his music. I mean I made a reference to one of his songs in the increasingly forced "dialogue" section but that's not a JOKE is it. I don't even know. Elliott you have broken me. ugh.
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