cirq
Joel Barish
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Last Active 09-28-12 3:13 pm
Joined 11-28-08

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How To Get Laid.

there are a lot of lames here on sputnik. im not being a dick, its just true. so good ol uncle cirq ris gonna help some of you lil dudes out by giving you a simple 5 step instruction on how to get rlaid.
1sade
stronger than pride


MAKE THE FIRST MOVE: no woman wants to fuck a bitch, honestly. so when you walk into a bar, club, or wherever youre at, have some swag in your step. act like your shit dont stink and that everyone in the bar should be thankful that you allow them to be in your presence. after you take your seat, scope out the area. read girls' body language, find out which one is the drunkest and approach her.
2r. kelly
12 play


MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION: okay, so now that youve found her, make sure youre presentable. check your hair, shoes, fingernails, teeth, shit everything cuz girls will scrutinize every fuckin thing. now, walk up to her with confidence. talk to her, use appropriate body language, use eye contact, make things casual. if you come off as a threat, that bitch will retreat, so be careful.
3112
room 112


BE CONFIDENT IN YOUR CONVERSATION: DONT USE LAME ASS PICKUP LINES! those are fuckin lame so avoid them (unless you have the confidence that you can pull it off with your charm or humor.). if a girl falls for your pick up line, you should aim for anal that nite cuz that bitch is a sluuuuuuuuuuut. anyways, instead of those stupid pickup lines, say something simple like "hey, how are you?" might seem like common sense, but too many guys try to overcomplicate shit and fuck up.. once the ice is broken, talk. tell her shit about yourself, where you hang out, where you work or go to school, whatever. use your discretion, tho, youre making your first impression, so stay away from telling her how many hours you spend on sputnik daily.
4tlc
crazysexycool


FIND THE PERFECT TIMING: by now, youve been in conversation with her for a lil while. go with the flow and when you believe the vibe and timing is right, make your move. if youre trying to set up a date for later, figure out her schedule for the week (AVOID SETTING UP A DATE FOR THE WEEKEND.), if theres a day that she says shes not doing anything on a certain day, make something up. tell her "oh, i was planning on going to ______ on wednesday, maybe you'd like to join me?". if youre trying to get it in later that nite, pump drinks into her and then offer to drive her home or get a cab for you two back to your spot.
5frank ocean
the lonny breaux collection


MAKE HER COMFORTABLE AND MAKE YOUR MOVE: now that you got her in the car/cab, take her back to your crib. (if she decides to go home to her casa, two things can happen; you will be invited in and you just have to go with the drunken flow or you wont be invited in and then you gotta go back to that whole "sooo, whatre you doing this week" shit.) once you have her in your house/apt/snuck her into your parents' basement, make her comfy. DONT turn on all the lights, offer her a drink (even if its water), see if shes hungry, wants to watch a movie, whatever. as long as shes comfortable, things will go well. if youre sitting on the couch, dont be a pussy! youve made it this far, so go ahead and put your arm around her. feel the vibe and if its right, go in for the kiss. if the kiss feels right, go in for the fuck!
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