|UserReviews 8Approval 97%Soundoffs 49News Articles 54Band Edits + Tags 52Album Edits 119Album Ratings 576Objectivity 68%Last Active 01-11-17 8:38 pmJoined 04-30-07Forum Posts 25Review Comments 8,620
Our site and userbase can be intimidating to new members, so I rthought that maybe I'd create ra sort-of primer to help them rassimilate into the community. Hope it helps.
|1||The Black Keys|
CHOOSE A PICTURE - The first thing you have to do is choose a picture for yourself.
Remember, this is the internet, so the picture you choose doesn't have to be the real
you...in fact, if you're joining this site, chances are you want the exact OPPOSITE of the
real you. That's why this is step is so important. Will you paint a picture of yourself as
an unscrupulous troll who doesn't give a shit about anyone? Will you be an elitist fuck
who is the end-all, be all of a particular genre that you really have no clue about? Will
you be a metal-loving transgender thing? It doesn't matter...here, you can be whoever
you think the userbase will believe you to be.
MAKE A NAME - Right after choosing your picture, you have to make a name for yourself.
There are plenty of ways you can do this--you could post homo-erotic pictures in
comments, choose one user and constantly pick fights with them for no reason
whatsoever, be female, etc....anything and everything that you can do that will make
your name known on Sputnik, because make no mistake, that's the only reason you're
|3||The Butterfly Effect|
CREATE A LIST - This is probably the feature that convinced you to join, so you'll probably
want to take advantage of it ASAP. There are two rules of list-making--#1: don't create
more than one list per day, and #2: don't make a list about music. Lists are for giving
your opinions on anything and everything else--movies, games, books, religion, other
Sputnik users, sports, your triflin' ass girl/boyfriend, the pathetic state of your life, it
doesn't matter...as long as it's not about music, 'cause that shit's boring. And be sure to
pay attention to other people's lists, so that you can make the exact same list except in a
GIVE RATINGS - Of people. This is the main function of making lists. Sputnik LOOOOVES
hearing about who your favorite users are, or all the beef you have with that one user
who makes every waking minute of your life a living hell. The userbase thrives on being
included in anything, even if the list was made by a person who they have never
interacted with before. Just be careful: despite the fact that there are 50,000 (fake)
members here, people will still complain if they aren't one of the 20 or so on your list.
REVIEW - One of the most notable things you can do as a site member is to
review other people's music tastes and compare them to your own. If they
match, give them props. If they tend to like even one damn album that you hate,
then you know that their entire philosophy on music is moot, and you have to call
them out on it. Adopt a "Zero-Tolerance" policy when it comes to liking music that
you don't enjoy yourself, because musical diversity is fucking scary.
GIVE YOUR OPINIONS ON MUSIC - ...and make sure the opinion you give is the exact
same as everyone else's opinion. This is the best way to assimilate into the
community. Make notice of bands that are becoming popular, and take into account
bands that were at one time popular but have fallen out of grace with the community,
and change your opinions accordingly. If you're not on top of your game, you could be
on the wrong side of a negative review, and once one person has you in their sight, EVERYONE will be
joining on the "PLEASE KILL YOURSELF" bandwagon (because forming an opinion is a group effort).
Rize of the Fenix
POST ON THE FORUMS - HA! Bitch please.
The Mirror Conspiracy
BE ACTIVE ON THE SITE - All the time. Be on this site every waking minute. Live
and breath Sputnik. If there's a hot topic that's gained 50 comments in 15
minutes, you damn well better have made 45 of them. If there's a midnight call to
Turntable or Tinychat, you better have your music and/or webcam ready to go. Understand: when you
a member of Sputnikmusic, you forfeit the rest of your life, because if you don't, you'll have to log off, and
fuck, that's the worst possible thing. Besides...the outside world
is scary, full of people who have well-rounded interests and interesting
personalities, and girls. On Sputnik, you're safe. On Sputnik, you can actually
have something resembling friendships. On Sputnik, you know every single thing
you could possibly know about a person simply by the way they post in comments
and lists. When you become a well-known, respected person on this site, it
becomes your home. It becomes your world. It becomes your life, or second life,
or third life (depending on which number alt. you're using). Rest assured, Sputnik
will never, ever, EVER let you down. Except when it's down. Then you're on your
|Just kidding, Sputnik, you know I love you ;-)|
List is just some albums I've been listening to . Also, this is actually my 101st list, hence the title and nature of it. Can't say I've ever done one like this before. Hope there aren't too many cases of tl;dr :-P
|You forgot the most important rule|
"All Sputnikers must have an extreme hatred of Proggy and call him a fag at any given opportunity"
|Haha, actually read the whole thing and it was worth it. Pretty spot on.|
|'It doesn't matter...here, you can be whoever you think the userbase will believe you to be'|
particularly enjoyed that bit
|Lol list made me smile|
|list was amusing. good job mas|
POST ON THE FORUMS - HA! Bitch please.
|yo no offense roxxxy but im a legend in this list|
|listen to death grips|
|Legit information here|
|don't forget the "hive mindset; 5 albums you don't even like just because they're already rated high"|
|we could form a league...|
|there can only be one|
|"don't forget the "hive mindset; 5 albums you don't even like just because they're already rated high"|
Hahaha, that fits in with #6:
"GIVE YOUR OPINIONS ON MUSIC - ...and make sure the opinion you give is the exact same as everyone else's opinion."
|Mas only put 1 on here because he's black |
|Don't forget, Colors is an amazing album because it has a 4.2 average and if you give it a low rating or don't like it you are wrong!|
|can't tell if this is serious or not|
if it is, there's some pretty dumb advice on here
if it's not serious, i wish it was funnier
|^ perfect analysis, 1-100|
|"can't tell if this is serious or not"|
Did you notice who made the list, Sowing? ;-)
"if it's not serious, i wish it was funnier"
I wish "I" were funnier...but eh, I get by.
Instead of taking it seriously or silly, take it as a sarcastic commentary.
|"Don't forget, Colors is an amazing album because it has a 4.2 average and if you give it a low rating or don't like it you are wrong!"|
still going on about that hey
|it's alright I'm not funny either, that's why my attempts at lists like these usually flop|
|lol at the users who took this seriously |
good read btw
|Chans list was so much better this sucks.|
|I actually hate metal|
|@Systemunfolded - you should follow this guide word for word|
|Great list. Worth the read. |
|i'm doing this right now but i'm stuck on step two help |
|"Chans list was so much better this sucks."|
Fuck off faggot.
|Oh and cool list bro.|
|I like this list.|
|Oh, nice, I've only ever had one of my lists featured before. Thanks.|
|Sup dude, which one of these albums should I check out?|
|If you're a fan of MF Doom, K.M.D. was his first rap group, from when he was a teenager. Real old-skool, politically-charged rap.|
|You forgot rule #1: hate on every metalcore album so you will fit in|
|Will check it out.|
|love mas, but we've had enough of these lists already|
|man I haven't even done #1 yet |
|I thought the most important thing was to review Jane Doe at some point.|
|no you're supposed to make yourself seem elite by always disagreeing with what everyone likes. just go around to threads of highly rated albums and say "shit band" and pretty soon you'll be on all the favorite user lists|
|fuck youu systemunfolded you're such a cunt faggot|
|I am such a failure of a sputniker|
|from up here the city likes loot|
like a million fires of reiery
|fuck do not speak squid scrotum|
|MAKE A NAME|
i should've picked another name, shuyin is a character of a project im working on but sometimes it sounds gay.
|Name Chosen: Shuyin|
Shuyin: Needs moar cannibal corpse m/
|yo i haven't seen this list 85 fuckin times|
|or have i?!?|
|makes me sad how accurate this is.|