|Great Visuals, Meh Movies|
Visual effects-heavy films where the visuals outweigh the story, the story
just ain't that great, or the film is downright terrible in general. Albums are
2014 albums I've heard that I didn't particularly care for.
|1||Of Mice & Men|
Transformers: Dark of the Moon - Featuring Bay's best visuals, where, because of
the 3D, his camera moves much more slowly than say, Revenge of the Fallen or
Age of Extinction. It's Michael Bay, so at least one film in this series was a given
(whether it's meh or terrible is up to you).
|2||Miss May I|
Rise of the Lion
Alice in Wonderland - Psychedelic effects sprung from the imagination of Tim
Burton, but not much imagination going on with the story. Part 1 of Disney's live-
action retelling trilogy.
Broken Crown Halo
Oz the Great and Powerful - A Sam Raimi film should've been better than this. Part
2 of Disney's live-action retelling trilogy.
Maleficent - Jolie's great, Newton Howard's score is the best thing about this, and
that's about it. Also, why the hell does her child character wear lipstick near the
beginning? Blatant Disney attempt to doll up and sexualize little girls. Part 3 of
Disney's live-action retelling trilogy (with more to come next year from Sleeping
The Last Airbender - Much, much worse than just a meh movie, of course, and the
3D absolutely sucks (see Ebert's review), but the actual VFX are pretty cool to look
at. Again, Newton Howard's score saves the day here.
Frozen - The highest-grossing animated film of all time can't be wrong, right?
RIGHT? Actually, no, this is filled with plot holes, "Let It Go" is terribly annoying and
the entire thing is just as "feminist" as Disney's been in the past. Cool (heh) visuals,
Oblivion - Tom Cruise does sci-fi? Sounds like it could be great! Oh, wait, nvm, this
sucks. At least Kosinski's Tron: Legacy was fun. Dat M83 score doe.
|8||Memphis May Fire|
Prometheus - Had tons of potential, and is still much better than many films on this
list, but that doesn't excuse some of the stupid decisions the characters make.
Starmap scene is still ridiculously cool.
G I R L
Divergent - More YA fiction adaptations for the masses.
300: Rise of an Empire - Eva Green = only reason to see this.
Ghosts of Then and Now
Iron Man 2 - Perhaps the worst of all the MCU films to date. 3 picked the slack back
up, but still couldn't equal the first in terms of story.
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey - Jackson's worst LOTR universe film. Stone
Giant battle is cool, I'll give him that.
Lost Forever // Lost Together
Spider-Man 3 - Do I really need to explain? Still, it's better than the new series,
that's for sure.
To Whom It May Concern
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 - Suffers from the same problem as above, except that
Garfield is even less relatable than Maguire in the role.
Shadowed by Vultures
Cars 2 - As cold and calculating as the machines that it features. I'm actually a big
fan of the first one, and don't know why everyone craps on it, but this shits on
Pixar's great legacy.
The Righteous & the Butterfly
Despicable Me 2 - Slickly enjoyable, still not as good as the first.
Planes: Fire & Rescue - Firefighting sequences = boss. Everything else = burn it to
Hour of the Dawn
Monsters University - Another disappointing effort from a once untouchable
animation studio. Here's hoping Inside Out is as good as the promos make it look.
Rio 2 - Moar meh animated sequels.
Happy Feet Two - The first one I find really underrated, this one... literally too
much song and dance.
Rise of the Guardians - Mediocre DreamWorks flick, what more needs to be said?
C'mon Joyce, go back to Rolie Polie Olie or something.
|22||The Pains of Being Pure at Heart|
Days of Abandon
Epic - Does not live up to its title. It's a Blue Sky film, what did you expect?
|23||Timo Tolkki's Avalon|
Angels of the Apocalypse
Pacific Rim - The epitome of this list. del Toro has done better. He tried so hard to
not be Michael Bay, he ended up becoming Michael Bay. Canceling the apocalypse
never sounded so... lame.
Symmetry in Black
Elysium - A disappointment following Blomkamp's District 9. Cool tech in the film, tho.
|25||Sharon Van Etten|
Are We There
Turbo - Another lame effort from DreamWorks. Haven't seen HTTYD2 yet, hoping
it's as good as the first and it can rebuild the company's image.
Megamind - Animated effort polished to a thick sheen. del Toro's contributions are
cool, not much else gels.
Out of the Black
Hercules - Brett freakin' Ratner. But, Dwayne freakin' Johnson! But ludicrous movie.
The Wolfman - Dat makeup. Dat potential. Dat failure.
|29|| ||A Great Big World|
Is There Anybody Out There?
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty - The first Ben Stiller-directed film I can say I didn't
fully enjoy. So "inspirational" to audiences who really should just move out into the
mountains and we'd be all the better for them to do so.
Fight the Silence
Battleship - Not a meh movie, one of the worst films I've ever seen. Period. Don't
even bother seeing this for the FX, it's not worth it.
Step Up All In - Characters suffer while choreography shines.
Sex and Love
Man of Steel - Bloated crap from writer Goyer and director Snyder. One of the
lamest superhero movies I've ever seen. Everything about this screams overblown.
Don't get me started on Zimmer's score :yeesh:
|33|| ||James Durbin|
Journey 2: The Mysterious Island - The Rock! Giant animals! Who cares!
Behind the Light
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - The most expensive movie of all time,
and for what? Stick with the first one, it's all you need from this series.
|35||First Aid Kit|
Ender's Game - Orange and teal color correction FTW. Or not. Book's great, film's a
Die Young with Me
The Dark Knight Rises - The hype for this was unsustainable. And when you
actually get down to the film itself, it is a slight disappointment following the
previous films in the trilogy. Same goes with Zimmer's score (hey, at least it's no
Man of Steel, amirite?)
|37||Guided by Voices|
The Day After Tomorrow - Show us more tornados and floods, less dumb
melodrama. Oh wait, this is Emmerich I forgot.
2012 - Disaster parts are purely epic and deserve a much better film than this
travesty of characterization. Woody Harrelson getting smushed by falling lava =
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 - Let's be honest: the "dream sequence"
is both freakin' awesome and hilarious when the reveal happens. But it's Twilight,
I Never Learn
Winter's Tale - And Akiva Goldsman never learns how to make a coherent film,
especially not one based on a beloved book. :sigh:
Angels & Demons - See above. Dat ending explosion doe.
Dark Shadows - I'm hoping Big Eyes will be good, because the only thing that was
good about this failed attempt at a horror comedy was the costume design (and
Elfman's score is pretty cool too, but that's a given).
Now You See Me - Whoa, cool magic tricks! Wait, what's the plot about again?
|44||Death Has No Dominion|
Death Has No Dominion
Flight - Zemeckis' return to live-action isn't quite as good as it should have been,
but that plane scene almost makes up for the rest of the film. Almost.
X-Men: The Last Stand - Infamous for a reason.
|46||Strand of Oaks|
Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows - First movie was fun, second movie it all
starts to wear a bit thin.
In the Lonely Hour
The Host - Another Stephenie Meyer adaptation. Look how far Andrew Niccol has
Earth to Echo - E.T. for 2014 and with none of the subtlety or panache.
The Perfect Cult
G.I. Joe: Retaliation - The director of Justin Bieber: Never Say Never tries his hand
at a bro-action movie. Unintentional hilarity ensues.
|50|| ||You Blew It!|
Keep Doing What You're Doing
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - They done nuked the fridge
with this one.
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace - Lucas should've moved on before he
made this abomination of the franchise.
The Croods - A animated film that should've been better than it was given the
talent behind the camera. The first of Sanders' films that I can say I didn't fully
enjoy (yes, I'm repeating myself by this point).
Jack the Giant Slayer - Thank God Singer came back for DOFP, X-Men is where he
belongs, not bloated studio films like this.
|54|| ||King 810|
Priest - Visuals rip off Blade Runner, yes, but the creature design is fairly decent.
Film in general sucks though.
|55||Corrosion of Conformity|
Real Steel - I think I saw this in a Simpsons episode once.
A U R O R A
The Master - Everyone loved this one, but I didn't see much redeeming features in
it. 70mm is gorgeous no doubt, but there seems to be a lack of reason for telling
this story as opposed to some of Anderson's other work.
Total Recall - Production design is through the roof, otherwise lame and unworthy
Predators - Lame, boring reboot/sequel that takes too long to get going. Bring back
Splice - Admittedly awesome film up until the end when it becomes a horror cliche
and then completely unfinished, like the budget ran out of money at the last 10
minutes. Love the bloody fight between the two creatures near the middle, and
since I'm somewhat of an unabashed furry, dat sex scene. :3
Snow White and the Huntsman - Eww Kristen Stewart. Nice battle scenes.
|61|| ||Death Grips|
The Powers That B: Disc 1: Niggas on the Moon
The Giver - A huge disappointment given what could have been. Dumbed it down
so there's virtually no trace of the original story. More lame YA adaptations.
Ashes to Ashes
The Sorcerer's Apprentice - NICHOLAS CAAAAAGE (in a Nic Cage voice). Fuck Jerry
Anonymous - Like its title, the story is totally generic not to mention Emmerich
playing with history and science yet again, but damn if the cinematography,
produciton design and effects aren't top notch.
Noise vs. Beauty
White House Down - Emmerich, you're killing me bro. Every time I try to appreciate
your admittedly deft handling of action scenes, you throw in a bunch of bullshit I
don't care about. UGH
|65||This Wild Life|
Men in Black 3 - The time-travel stuff makes no sense, but it's Men in Black, so it's
mostly a fun roller-coaster ride, nothing more.
Days of Being Wild
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - The series already didn't start out that
great, but the first one was more enjoyable for what it was. This one's where the
rut started to set in.
You Can't Stop Me
Beautiful Creatures - You can't stop Hollywood from churning out mediocre YA
adaptations for year after year.
Redeemer of Souls
RoboCop - Pleasurable enough on its own, a travesty compared to the original.
Blood for Blood
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters - Hey, at least it's better than the first. Slightly.
OK, not by much.
The New Classic
Transcendence - Was one of my most anticipated of the year, but then turned out
to be one of the most confusing films ever made. Oh well.