Masochist
User

Reviews 8
Approval 97%

Soundoffs 53
News Articles 59
Band Edits + Tags 57
Album Edits 135

Album Ratings 615
Objectivity 67%

Last Active 03-12-22 9:26 pm
Joined 04-30-07

Review Comments 9,167

 Lists
05.08.21 The Elephant 6 Collective Mixtape ♦03.13.21 Daylight Savings - Spring Forward
11.21.20 Your 5's & 4.5's with Low Average Ratin10.23.20 Twitch Streamers
04.29.20 Masochist's 13-Year Sputversary List03.07.20 DST: Spring Forward
01.27.19 Once Loved, Now Forgotten10.15.17 Favorite Long Songs
07.20.17 10 Years Of Sputnik - A Decade Under th04.19.17 Your Favorite Non-English Speaking Band
10.12.16 The Future Of Black Music ♦07.23.16 Masochist vs. Popular Opinion
06.14.16 Let's Talk E305.10.16 Most Important Albums Sputnik Ever Gave
04.17.16 Top 20 Videogame Soundtracks Of All Tim04.16.16 Which Bands Have You Seen Live The Most
11.04.15 THANK YOU BASS GOD11.01.15 Fall Back 2015
More »

Sputnik 101

Our site and userbase can be intimidating to new members, so I rthought that maybe I'd create ra sort-of primer to help them rassimilate into the community. Hope it helps.
1The Black Keys
Thickfreakness

CHOOSE A PICTURE - The first thing you have to do is choose a picture for yourself.
Remember, this is the internet, so the picture you choose doesn't have to be the real
you...in fact, if you're joining this site, chances are you want the exact OPPOSITE of the
real you. That's why this is step is so important. Will you paint a picture of yourself as
an unscrupulous troll who doesn't give a shit about anyone? Will you be an elitist fuck
who is the end-all, be all of a particular genre that you really have no clue about? Will
you be a metal-loving transgender thing? It doesn't matter...here, you can be whoever
you think the userbase will believe you to be.
2BT
ESCM

MAKE A NAME - Right after choosing your picture, you have to make a name for yourself.
There are plenty of ways you can do this--you could post homo-erotic pictures in
comments, choose one user and constantly pick fights with them for no reason
whatsoever, be female, etc....anything and everything that you can do that will make
your name known on Sputnik, because make no mistake, that's the only reason you're
here.
3The Butterfly Effect
Imago

CREATE A LIST - This is probably the feature that convinced you to join, so you'll probably
want to take advantage of it ASAP. There are two rules of list-making--#1: don't create
more than one list per day, and #2: don't make a list about music. Lists are for giving
your opinions on anything and everything else--movies, games, books, religion, other
Sputnik users, sports, your triflin' ass girl/boyfriend, the pathetic state of your life, it
doesn't matter...as long as it's not about music, 'cause that shit's boring. And be sure to
pay attention to other people's lists, so that you can make the exact same list except in a
different order.
4K.M.D.
Black Bastards

GIVE RATINGS - Of people. This is the main function of making lists. Sputnik LOOOOVES
hearing about who your favorite users are, or all the beef you have with that one user
who makes every waking minute of your life a living hell. The userbase thrives on being
included in anything, even if the list was made by a person who they have never
interacted with before. Just be careful: despite the fact that there are 50,000 (fake)
members here, people will still complain if they aren't one of the 20 or so on your list.
5Pushmonkey
Pushmonkey

REVIEW - One of the most notable things you can do as a site member is to
review other people's music tastes and compare them to your own. If they
match, give them props. If they tend to like even one damn album that you hate,
then you know that their entire philosophy on music is moot, and you have to call
them out on it. Adopt a "Zero-Tolerance" policy when it comes to liking music that
you don't enjoy yourself, because musical diversity is fucking scary.
6Rabbit Junk
REframe

GIVE YOUR OPINIONS ON MUSIC - ...and make sure the opinion you give is the exact
same as everyone else's opinion. This is the best way to assimilate into the
community. Make notice of bands that are becoming popular, and take into account
bands that were at one time popular but have fallen out of grace with the community,
and change your opinions accordingly. If you're not on top of your game, you could be
on the wrong side of a negative review, and once one person has you in their sight, EVERYONE will be
joining on the "PLEASE KILL YOURSELF" bandwagon (because forming an opinion is a group effort).
7Tenacious D
Rize of the Fenix

POST ON THE FORUMS - HA! Bitch please.
8Thievery Corporation
The Mirror Conspiracy

BE ACTIVE ON THE SITE - All the time. Be on this site every waking minute. Live
and breath Sputnik. If there's a hot topic that's gained 50 comments in 15
minutes, you damn well better have made 45 of them. If there's a midnight call to
Turntable or Tinychat, you better have your music and/or webcam ready to go. Understand: when you
become
a member of Sputnikmusic, you forfeit the rest of your life, because if you don't, you'll have to log off, and
fuck, that's the worst possible thing. Besides...the outside world
is scary, full of people who have well-rounded interests and interesting
personalities, and girls. On Sputnik, you're safe. On Sputnik, you can actually
have something resembling friendships. On Sputnik, you know every single thing
you could possibly know about a person simply by the way they post in comments
and lists. When you become a well-known, respected person on this site, it
becomes your home. It becomes your world. It becomes your life, or second life,
or third life (depending on which number alt. you're using). Rest assured, Sputnik
will never, ever, EVER let you down. Except when it's down. Then you're on your
own.
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