|still can't really feel my legs, but i'm grateful for everything and everyone that has helped me|
hope life's treating y'all a bit kinder
|glad you're still with us man! that zine idea seems really cool and i'd be willing to help out with it in anyway i can (which probably isn't much but the point stands). be well soon, here for uuu ")|
|this list is insane |
in a good way
i tried something similar last year (or was it earlier this year, idk) with a bunch of sputters but obviously due to shitty planning and/or lack of motivation that fell through, but now that i no longer have any real commitments (aside from getting my mind right) i'm hoping i can make something of it. i'd definitely take a writer of your calibre on-board were it to come to fruition though. :)
longer haul's results will be more satisfying
|holy shit sachhhhh i'm glad you're ok ):|
yeah the zine thing is sweet tho u should def do that
|ay lemme know sach but more importantly do whatever you can to get well. rooting for ya :~)|
|Damn bro glad you're alright.|
believe me, it's tempting
just don't have much $$$ atm so gym memberships are pecuniarily intimidating
wishing you well always
|Fuck man, Thats grim but also some G shit. Ive nearly died a couple of times but mostly due to a gun in my mouth or some nature shit. Never ended up in the Hospital (well ONCE when I thought my mind had gone in Asia due to drugs) but I didnt get a weird brain disorder a few years ago thats fucked my life up and I think ive masked that by becoming a gambling loser so...er....dont do that. When did you box before? I imagine its hard af to get the mojo to go do major physical shit though,no? |
|glad you're alright fam, you've seemed a lot glowier recently so hopefully dis was a fluke (:|
xans + alcohol are scary combos esp in that high of a range. im sure they OPd the L hard... do you have any memory leading up to the revive and discharge?
|You can start doing some home workout if you don't have money for the gym membership|
|Yeah I almost died twice it was lame tbh. |
Time to get healthy my man. Go for walks as often as possible (with music of course) and cook some delicious food. Hang with some buds, go for coffee/tea/whatever and do the zine thing.
|Also eat lots of spicy food because it gives you a weird buzz after you've sobered up. |
|whoa dude don't party too hard now. glad you're ok tho|
|Damn Sach. I know we haven't always agreed on things but this really sucks. Like, really, that sounds very scary. I'm sorry that happened and hope you get better. |
I like the zine idea.
|"When did you box before?"|
did 8 years of boxing from ~9-17
"I imagine its hard af to get the mojo to go do major physical shit though,no?"
HOO boy, "hard af," is probably understatement of the year
"do you have any memory leading up to the revive and discharge?"
kinda like popping in and out of episodes of my life
"You can start doing some home workout if you don't have money for the gym membership"
oh yeah man, calisthenics and cardio for days to begin with
word to everything you've said right there
i'll try :)
life a bitch sometimes though and the only way to let it out is to chemically induce that happiness
thank you for the kind words
i love you all
|I must say I find this quite distressing. First and foremost I hope you're OK. |
I wouldn't put yourself under so much pressure mate, fuck everything off for a bit and just take some time to reset yourself.
Nothing and I mean absolutely nothing needs to be done to its absolute limit. Nothing will change or effect those who care for you, there are no great shakes if you don't go all in to boxing/the 'zine or any other endeavour that will make you re-adjust.
Take a step back, you are alright, you will be OK. Slowly, slowly.
|Jesus, man, i'm glad you're still here with us. And yeah, for sure, you can count on my help for any projects you've got in mind.|
|i just let things get out of hand honestly|
forgot how to look after myself because i was too concerned trying to make sure i met/meet the standards of those i look up to
if nothing else at least this scare has given me a renewed sense of perspective
so in terms of what comes next, taking time to myself and setting the clock back to the right time are up top priority-wise
i'll get there in the end
|Plus you're going to have to shave that 'tache it looks fucking shit.|
|fake niqqas don't realise how hard it is to destroy yourself, the survival instinct is so fucking strong man fuck you body|
but i'm so so glad you're safe, hope u get the help you need, all luvv u know that
|hope you're okay bruv, focus on yourself and let the rest follow|
|Fukin hell man, I'm glad you're still alive, you took a lot of shit.|
|Shit Sach, it really sucks you have gone through all that for financial reasons, Uni is a good path. For ideas, have u ever played drums? Get well dude.|
|Glad you're still with us, mate, all the best. I'd love so much to see the zine come back. Take care of yourself, we'll all be here if you need. Would love to see you write something for that Uli K, too, checked it the other day and it's so great. |
|yo dude wishing you the best, take it easy man|
as for things to do, have you thought aboutmaking music of your own? some kind of creative output would probably be good
|fucking hell that's a little too close for comfort .|
350/week is insane.. there's no way i could afford that without a scholarship either
Also yeah recommend kickboxing/mma and/or a casual sport - you'll see both physical and mental benefits. Worst case you aren't enjoying it at all, you quit.
And yeah keep the music intake and writing output high , you're lucky you have that channel for expression/catharsis etc, a lot don't.
Keep looking forward
p.s. Just to confirm there's bad blood here btw hmu if you wanna talk about anything
|also...try your hand at music composing/production? idk if you've considered or dabbled in that before but it can be a good pastime |
|yo dude, glad you didn't manage to kill yourself. Take care of yourself tbh, fuck thinking about a webzine or anything on sputnik, from what you write you're definitely past the "gotta put my feelz out on the interwebs and express myself in the webzine" stage of depression. Try to get into meditating if you can.|
|when are you gonna learn your lesson|
|thx and big love to wines, rowbro, blush, balls, sinny, ed and everyone else|
i have fucked with flstudio//beatmaking in the past but little has ever come of it (give or take frustration), but i could always go back to that
i still think my writing, art and sports will be my greatest outlets
especially writing, since it has been something i've always enjoyed and taken (at least some) pride in
idk man i can't help myself
it seems most days life is just one blow after another
just trynna stay afloat while i'm learning to swim, y'know?
|I could cover some crazy & weird music for your zine, but I'm a subpar writer|
|Sach fwiw i care about you heaps and as lame as it is to say i think of you, and fondly and hopefully, and you're not alone, and someone across the Tasman is thinking about you fondly at all times. Full support brah xoxo|
we all have to start somewhere
the more you write, the better you'll get
practice makes perfect and so on and so forth
hell, if you're self-conscious about your writing, you can help me proof some of my shitty write-ups to begin with (since i'm riddled with writer's block atm)
were i able i'd look out for you more than in token spirit
|Acid, Xanax 15 beers and 1 bottle of Vodka.|
I don't know any human being that can honestly survive that.
|(i should've died//had to be resuscitated) twice tbh|
heart rate (second-hand info since i was out cold//incapacitated) averaged
|you learn to swim by making the conscious decision to overcome your impulses and stop doing this dumb fucking shit|
|You're going to make me cry. Come live with me and I'll set you straight. The old fashion way |
|glad your still with us dude. Ill be checkin these recs out of respect. Keep comin' around eh. Its all love.|
|Sorry to hear about all that man, glad you're doing alright and yeah the zine idea sounds lovely|
|Fuck man, heavy stuff. Glad you're alright now and getting some help. Good luck with it all. |
|fuck, that is terrifying. I'm glad you're okay and hope you learn from it moving forward. As for stuff to occupy you with, aside from the creative/ physical activites that people have already said, I think reconnecting with people, focusing on relationships u have and/or meeting new people is one of the best remedies, even (or really, especially) if u have to force yourself to do so. I can't speak for your social situation irl but it has definitely helped my mind through bad patches|
|glad you didn't die man, scary shit. i've gone through some similar stuff back in the day and had to go to rehab for a year and shit. you ever want to talk about stuff hmu my dude.|
|medic vomiting pus is dope |
|boxing is amazing release.. Hope you're well, hit up my shoutbox if you need or fancy a chat..|
|Damn, son. Glad you didn't pass beyond the veil. Start boxing again. Start reading. I don't know, just make the time that you have to yourself more positive since (I know first-hand) the counseling and drug/alcohol stuff is going to be a bit of a drag, albeit an overall positive drag.|
I don't know. I'm not much help. But, you can always shoutbox me if you want to shoot the shit.
|yea i was at the hospital a few months ago for damn near the same shit. have to be careful when there are benzos//alcohol up in the mix . anyway, ecstatic you're alive. you got lucky, so knock that shit off cuz you won't be lucky forever. idk i guess try to think back on whatever it is you liked to do before all of the self-destructive tendencies // impulses began steering your life. but the basics are always good -- exercise regularly , read , music , write , cook -- try to integrate some structure into your life. keeping busy is what you want.|
what sort of fucked up uni charges that as a weekly accomodation rent fucking hell man thats steep
and oh yeah get well soon you utter goob
|just keep a clear head for a while sach, it'll be nice for you|
|At some point you're gonna have to choose:|
Option A: Drugs
Option B: A better life
Some people are not functional drug users. You fall into that category unfortunately, so it's a choice you're going to have to make hopefully sooner rather than later.
|That's not meant to sound dickish fwiw, read it as genuine concern (which it is).|
|Good to hear you're alright now|
|glad ur still with us man. boxing sounds like a good outlet, been meaning to get into it myself for a while|
$350/month is actually insane tho wtf
|This makes me think of my friend from high school who almost OD' d on ecstasy n coke? The details are hazy.. but yeah dying and self destruction ain't so fun, you should do fun things! As others have said focus hard on taking time to build yourself up(exercise, eatting better, hobbies) and get on some type of routine, hopefully when you have more energy good things will follow. Maybe get a big stupid animal that that you can hug? :D nice eyebrows btw lol|
|xanax and alcohol put me in the ward|
glad you're in rehab
|Glad you're still with us bud, and I hope you're ok and make a full recovery. |
If you want to get yourself out of depression hell you need to fuck the xanax and alcohol off dude, downers and depression are recipes for disaster, and to make it worse mixing them leads in even moderate doses leads to almost instant OD.
Personally for myself the big thing that got me out of my depression the second time was structure to my life in terms of when I got up and when I did stuff and when I went to bed, that ontop of exercise, so this is what I'd suggest to you.
Stay strong bud and keep going.
|i almost feel like it's worse to be a functional drug addict. i mean, the lifestyle of the dysfunctional addict is untenable and typically propels them into either jail or rehab (or death) but the functional addict maintains without ever really being forced into remission. but yea ghost is right, hopefully this incident gave you some perspective and casted some clarity on the exigent lifestyle decision you're going to have to make. you can do it bruh, i have faith.|
|Small steps bro, clean your room 👍❤️|
|Shoot me a message if you want my dude |
|"so, alongside my prescribed fluoxetine, i dropped 3 150ug tabs of acid, 4 2mg bars of xanax and drank somewhere between 12-15 beers plus a bottle of vodka (hence the photo)"|
you're an idiot.
|Some people are not functional drug users.'|
Functional is a relative term though and depends on ones ambitions, commitments, requirements, expectations etc. Aside from merely just subsisting I know there are proper hard drug addicts who're capable of pulling themselves together enough to hold down their jobs, for a while at least (Worked with two in dead end jobs no coincidence), but barring psychiatric medication and i guess psychostimulants (when moderated carefully), i'd say that regular rec drug use of any kind will render you more dysfunctional in time so..yeah i know im preaching to the choir but best not to touch anything beside your ssri's for a good while.
Maybe possibly potentially you could even consider ECT if the veil of depression doesn't seem to lift even w/ medication and salubrious lifestyle. These are neurochemical imbalances we're talking about and this is def one of the fastest and most efficacious ways of remedying them. Grandfather is a psychiatrist and has administered it thousands of times and said he despises the negative stigma surrounding it (promulgated by hollywood's portrayal of it) while in reality it's painless and offers the most immediate and lasting relief from severe depression. Not trying to undermine the benefits of adopting healthy lifestyle at all I'm just putting this out there.
|"you're an idiot."|
oh, i am well-aware.
fwiw, all of the mds said i was incredibly functional (so far as i was quite lucid given the toxicity of the cocktail of drugs in my system)
i got a hold of my report as well, so make of this what you will:
"[...] displays suicidal ideation with a background of depression [...] psychosis perhaps brought on by drug abuse [...] whether or not the drug use is purely recreational is hard to tell [...] considering the quantities of drugs taken, Jeremy is remarkably lucid..."