|ContributorReviews 62Soundoffs 16Album Ratings 230Objectivity 61%Last Active 10-10-17 9:12 amJoined 04-14-17Forum Posts 4Review Comments 1,769
|i got a new job :sunglasses:|
after a good nine-month cycle of laziness, self-loathing, writing, self-loathing, laziness, uncertainty about the future, laziness and self-loathing, i've found something that might break the mould. to celebrate: here's a list of digs so deep they reach the earth's core.
sun people sleepwalker
i am working at a bar with no prior hospitality experience because i have mastered the art of bullshitting my way into things apparently......no!!! the faintest whiff of nepotism does not help!!! how dare you!!
minutes of sleep
me: hello good evening may i take your order
manager, suddenly: oi who are you and what are you doing behind the bar
i'm fairly sure i've forgotten how to communicate verbally so this shall be interesting
kristall und isa
i also have to wear my hair in a bun and let me tell you fellas: i look like a recovering meth addict who's chosen a life of coffee with soy milk/listening exclusively to bands that haven't formed yet
my latent appreciation for idm carried me to and from the interview this morning, which only took about two minutes before the manager said: "yeah you seem alright mate, come back next week for induction, cheers!".......i'm still expecting more follow up questions and/or a camera crew to jump out of the bushes as if i've been pranked tbqh
no one deserves happiness
ironically, my current mantra is something along the lines of: idodeservehappinessidodeservehappinessidodeservehappinessidodeservehappinessidodeservehappinessidodeservehappiness
already holding out for the day doing this job morphs slowly and subtly into just another routine, and i can stop micro-managing my interactions with people i don't know; i will stare at the planes departing through the terminal window and feel not envy nor worry.
oink oink dishpig
king of the jews
if i get fired i'm thinking the most likely reason will be one of the following:
a) singing jenny hval lyrics too loudly
b) slipping alcohol into a child's soft-drink
c) slipping soft-drink into an adult's alcoholic drink
d) telling someone who doesn't care one too many times, that my internet friends and i got a little bit gay over the weekend
me: hi how are you!
customer: good, how are you?
me: yeah great, how are you?
*glasses myself in the face*
|i will still hang around here more than i should!!! unlucky lads!!!|
|welcome to the bartending life, jack.. the first six months will be more fun than you'll ever have.. followed by bags-under-your-eyes, poetic gloominess and intermittent violence shuffle.. it'll be amazing! you'll get stories for writing aplenty though..|
|hell yes butcher! i'll probably be working in the kitchen for a while before they need me to do shifts at the bar but i'm keen to be doing at least something y'know? at least i know now i'm in prestigious company :pp|
|:] i know thanks yes agreed|
|Congrats Jack happy for you dude! Bartending shouldn't be too bad for you man. I used to work in the restaurant biz and I'm sure you'll do great!|
|Welcome to the machine.|
On another note I've always used a ponytail to control my hair. The other day I made a manbun for ironic fun. Like that's some hipster bullshit. But the gf thought it was sexy af.
So now I have an identity crisis.
|hell yeeeaah boii|
|thanks for your support peepole i will need it to get through this tough but necessary time >:)|
|congrats brother HH|
|"d) telling someone who doesn't care one too many times, that my internet friends and i got a little bit gay over the weekend"|
Don't know what you're talking about
|I'm am never drinking again brother HH |
|ayy congrats jack v proud of ya! when I come down and visit ill have to hit this bar up|
|I've worked in a few pubs. Real characters, 'normal' people, not one jot of bullshit to be found anywhere. |
They were good days.
|no people is are actually being normal|
|they sure am|
|they sure amn't*|
|Woooooooooooooo happy for ya buddy :]|
|Hah things didn't even get slightly gay over the weekend nerd what the fuck are you talking about?|
|sorryand thanks calc!|
|this was a fun read, congrats bb i hope u enjoy your job and get the BIG TIPS|
|thank thank thank you chawtells although i live in Aus so i won't be getting any tips......unless you're referring to being courted and then granted sexual favours by male customers??? |
....in which case i, uh, still won't be getting any tips...
|good stuff good stuff. gettin that money yo|
|yes yes yessss|