Snide
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Reviews 30
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Soundoffs 174
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Album Ratings 1855
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Last Active 05-09-17 6:56 am
Joined 05-10-16

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 Lists
04.25.17 Snide Goes Post Rock (Black Malachite)04.23.17 Sputnik Band-Off: Round One - Metalcore
04.15.17 Work drama blows (Work Rage Vent Thread04.14.17 I Love Sputnik (Where We've Been/Where
04.12.17 Snide Nu-Metal Demo 204.09.17 A Snide Birthday!
04.04.17 Snide Nu-Metal Demo04.03.17 Black Malachite Redux Stream
04.02.17 A friend died (went to a memorial yeste03.29.17 How Was Your Day, Sputnik?
03.26.17 I'm Hungover Send Emergency Recs03.25.17 I'm Being Stalked By A MILF (Tinder Suc
03.24.17 100th List! (Dragon Ball Z Villains)03.23.17 Live Action Death Note Netflix Teaser
03.22.17 Snide Rap Side Project03.21.17 Sputnik Dream Journal
03.20.17 New Black Malachite Track (Redux)03.19.17 The Sputnik Story Part One:
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The Sputnik Story Part One:

This is the Sputnik Story, Part One.
1Opeth
Book of Opeth EP


1791 AD: It was a cold winter night; decadent waves of frosty snow and Opeth circlejerking cascaded through the air like a thousand butterflies. Suddenly, a crash! A tavern raised itself into the air on three large metallic rods, out of the window you could see zakalwe, staring down at the now partially destroyed city block. His plan was to start using his dolphin dildo ray gun; any building that wasn’t a tavern, bar, or pub would be destroyed, and anyone who was a fanny was set for immediate disintegration.
2Iron Maiden
Powerslave


His new robot tavern crashed through the city, slamming and vaporizing countless houses to dust, until he reached the house of the esteemed KILL, whose Powerslave shield generators were too much for zak to bear. Zak opened the control panel window of his tavern, and he screeched “You, in the red house, I demand you open your door at once!” KILL, donned in nothing but a red shimmery bathrobe, holding a pipe and a 1980s playboy magazine, looked up at zak and with poetic gusto and earnest dedication stated, “ur a fag.” He then strolled back into the abode, to which zak parted from with an amicable understanding that his abode was an honorary bar.
3Black Malachite
The Forgotten - EP


The locale of the snide remarks was next, but unfortunately zak’s robo-tavern could not traverse the moat of acidic black emo-make up that surrounded his place of semi-solace (gotta have people over to play smash bros y’know). Zak once again demanded, “You, in the black house, I demand you open your door at once!” Snide opened his window; t0rts, and sevengill popped their heads out beside him. Simultaneously all three of them took out mini-cannons and started firing My Tears, Your Weapon merch at the robotic beast. Due to the absolute complete shit tier nature of the 0.5/5 project, the shittyness started to corrode through the metallic legs, zak must go on.
4Yellowcard
Yellowcard


His final stop for the night before refueling would be the abode of sowingseason, which seemed deceptively peaceful, surrounded by a plethora of trees, oddly placed beaches with sappy soundtracks, and pictures of ex-girlfriends with Taylor Swift’s head taped over them. Zak once again bellowed “You, in the yellow(card) house, I demand you open your door at once!” Sowingseason did not reply with words, instead an out of tune violin solo started playing, messing with the frequency of his robo-tavern’s schematics. Zak knew if he was going to defeat these and others, he would need to back off and refuel.
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