MyNameIsPencil: Make Me Laugh (A Joke Collection)

AlexKzillion 04.26.16	I GOT ONE I GOT ONE Gore is Deftones' most technical album.
JigglyPDiddy 04.26.16	LOL
Avagantamos 04.26.16	I was taking a stroll under the docks in the harbor and one collapsed on top of me. I'm under a lot of pier pressure.
CaimanJesus 04.26.16	Why doesn't my Grandfather eat meat? Because he's dead.
Royl123 04.26.16	What did a pencil say to another pencil? MyNameIsPencil
granitenotebook 04.26.16	q: why did the monkey fall off the tree? a: because it was dead q: why did the squirrel fall of the tree? a: because it was stapled to the dead monkey q: why did the elephants wear tiny green felt hats? a: so they could sneak on the pool table without anyone seeing them q: why did the elephants have yellow patches on the soles of their flip-flops? a: so they could hide upside down in the yellow custard without anyone seeing them q: what did the pirate say when he turned eighty years old? a: "i'm eighty"
laughingman22 04.26.16	What has 9 arms and sucks? def leppard
MyNameIsPencil 04.26.16	so far so good boiz
wtferrothorn 04.26.16	http://www.sputnikmusic.com/album.php?reviewid=70549&page=22#lastpost The joke that never ends
oltnabrick 04.26.16	extra flavor through my comedy
tempest-- 04.26.16	"What genre did Lars Ulrich single-handedly create? Math rock" i dont get it
ScuroFantasma 04.26.16	I was going down on this chick when I noticed the taste of horse semen. I thought, "Oh grandma, so that's how you died."
Rowan5215 04.26.16	I bought these shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day thanks reddit
worthlessscab 04.26.16	Most people don't know about the true story of Jesus. Jesus was a Mexican stuntman who died while making a movie. At the funeral, his mother said to the director, "Jesus died for your scenes."
Shemson 04.26.16	Mexican Jesus also loved watching two player basketball games. Or as it was known in Mexico, Juan on Juan.
Sinternet 04.26.16	Two logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks them if they both want a beer. The first one says 'I don't know' and the second one says 'yes'.
ScuroFantasma 04.26.16	Nice
Shemson 04.26.16	Sinternet that's outstanding.
iloveyouall 04.26.16	An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed. Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed. Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.
TheSwagguBear 04.26.16	A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks: "Why the long face?" "My family died in a car crash."
granitenotebook 04.27.16	arcade wins
Tyler. 04.27.16	my dad texted me today
Sevengill 04.27.16	How many Alzheimers patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side
ZippaThaRippa 04.27.16	Three Latvian are brag about sons. “My son is soldier. He have rape as many women as want,” say first Latvian. “Zo?” second say, “My son is farmer. He have all potato he want!” Third Latvian wait long time, then say, “My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over.” “Wow! You are win us,” say others. But all are feel sad.
Shemson 04.27.16	Yeah I'm liking Sinternet's and Sevengill most