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User
Soundoffs 2
Album Ratings 90
Objectivity 62%
Last Active 06-09-15 5:29 pm
Joined 06-09-15
Review Comments 28
| Corniest 80's Hit Chart Songs
Get out your old neon headbands and tease your hair, because it's time to look back on some old, corny-ass 80's hits! If you were a product of this colorful, confusing and ugly generation, then go ahead and attack me like old keyboard warriors. Hopefully you have a sense of humor though and can tell when I'm kidding, and it's JUST MY OPINION. | | 5 | A Flock of Seagulls
I Ran
I wonder which genius with freaky hair decided that running made good material for a chorus? Well, no matter how lame it might be, it's still catchier than fuck, whether we want it to be or not. The whole song feels like you're getting raped with a spacey, poppy fantasy where keyboard-guitars sprout wings and travel time. | | 4 | Tiffany
I Think We're Alone Now
Sing this to your girlfriend and you might get pepper sprayed... not because she thinks you're going to rape her, because this hit is obnoxious. I much prefer Weird Al's "I think I'm a Clone Now". At least that parody was more clever than the original. This song is ridiculously happy-go-lucky and sooooo, soooooo repetitive in the lyrical department >_> When I hear this song, I don't think about the good times of my teen years, foolin' around with some girl I barely knew, I think about how much I'd rather be eating a chicken sandwich. Now, as for the instrumentals, they sound like Barbie's daydreams and not much else. It has that whimsical "I'm a teenage girl and my parents wont accept that I've grown boobs" kind of feel to it. From the first few seconds it opens up, you might already be dreading what poppy nonsense is to come. | | 3 | Gary Numan
Cars
He's in his car... yeah, in his car. How fucking riveting. No!- Wait! He's locking himself in his car, and he hopes you'll visit! *sigh* Still a good head-bobbing song (when you're in your car?), but I noticed the music video has NOT A SINGLE CAR. Damn, why sing about it if you aren't going to show it in the music video? How much more cryptic could a music video be? I'm sure many confused people tuned into MTV at the time had to wonder "is the car just a metaphor? What does the car represent and what does it mean in my life? Should I be paying more attention to my car? Am I overthinking the shit out of this?!" Yeah, probably obsessing at this point, I mean, we did just get past "I Think We're Alone Now", so it's hard to take messages seriously at this point. But besides that, the song has a good bass line and the tune is definitely something you'd play over and over again (while in your car) | | 2 | Kenny Loggins
Footloose
... do I even need a reason? | | 1 | Bonnie Tyler
Total Eclipse of the Heart
I'm sure a great many middle-aged moms are going to get down my throat about this. Sorry, but if you think I can take this seriously when the only people who rock out to it are 40 something year old ladies dropping their kids off for soccer and thinking about having an affair on their fat husbands, then "you've got another thing commin'" (btw, that song doesn't suck). I mean, fucking hell, I can't make sense of the damn lyrics. Sure, I know what they mean, but how am I supposed to connect to her melodramatic, vague metaphors? It sounds like something a teenager writes in their diary. And I know lyrics aren't everything in music (hell, they're even one of the least important aspects of metal and rock), but when it's a pop song the producers intended people to sing along to, you'd think the lyrics would be better to get with. Hell, let's get to the song: it's a real "emotional" rock ballad that Bonnie sings as if something really important is being said.... yeah, that's really it. | |
SharkTooth
06.10.15 | fun fact: 5 is actually about an alien abduction | NLD
06.10.15 | "I'm sure a great many middle-aged moms are going to get down my throat about this."
Not on this site they aren't. | KrazyKris
06.10.15 | How is there no Ebony & Ivory in this list? | PappyMason
06.10.15 | 3 and 5 rule.
Even though I love Songs From The Big Chair, I'm not too fond of 'Shout'. That might just be due to the sheer amount of artists that have covered it, and slaughtered it... | wham49
06.10.15 | Cars is actually a great song | Tunaboy45
06.10.15 | I like the song, but Let's Dance by David Bowie | Mesm277
06.10.15 | Footloose tho | ArsMoriendi
06.10.15 | Where's "I Know Why Boys Like" by The Waitresses?
That song is awful, but so 80s lol | PappyMason
06.10.15 | A-ha - Take On Me ? | DamnVanne
06.10.15 | I know a handful of 20-something guys who LOVE total eclipse of the heart, including myself | LordWretch
06.11.15 | @DamnVanne: lol, I know, this list is highly exaggerated. | LordWretch
06.11.15 | @NLD: If they did, then that would be funny, but I sure love satire. | LordWretch
06.11.15 | Damn, I forgot "Let's Go to the Mall" haha | Let
06.11.15 | 5 is good but Space Age Love Song slaps it. 3 and 2 rule. Can we please drop the bullshit stigma that 80s pop music is somehow inferior to other decades? | SharkTooth
06.11.15 | I dunno man a large chunk of 80's arena rock and almost all of 80s soft rock is pretty unbearable. Also this was the decade when Kenny G got a hit.
That's not denying that the decade did have its good share of pop songs that didn't suck, but still... | LordWretch
06.11.15 | Haha, for real SharkTooth. And Let, I never said that 80's pop was inferior to other decades, in fact I enjoy it A MILLION times more than more recent pop music. I made this list because this decade was the corniest, which even my 80's-child mother will agree. | LordWretch
06.11.15 | Adding to that, I even admitted Gary Numan and a Flock of Seagulls were catchy and enjoyable, but oh so silly at the same time. | demigod!
06.11.15 | 2 is a classic | Archelirion
06.11.15 | I have a love for 2 that I can't describe. The 80's are easily my favourite decade for pop as well, even if some of them were corny as a tortilla. | Archelirion
06.11.15 | You have, however, omitted both Fame and Footloose, both unbearably corny and... just unbearable, really. | LordWretch
06.11.15 | lol, shit, Footloose is a good point. I'm looking back at this list and wondering if I should change 2 as well, because I was a bit harsh on it. The song aint even that bad. | SharkTooth
06.11.15 | 80's cheese in action movies>>>>>80's cheese in music | Mesm277
06.11.15 | 80's pop is so much better than pop music today...most of it was actually well written...and this list also lacks Erasure | SharkTooth
06.11.15 | "most of it was actually well written"
not really lyrically speaking | LordWretch
06.11.15 | I would have put Erasure on here ;( Sadly the site changed it to being only able to make lists of 5. | DikkoZinner
06.11.15 | That Tony Basil tune | SharkTooth
06.11.15 | "Sadly the site changed it to being only able to make lists of 5."
if you click Edit and scroll to the bottom, there should be a link that says
"[ add another item ]". If you click that a new space for an album will appear | LordWretch
06.11.15 | Really? Hey, thanks man | Friday13th
06.11.15 | I'm not really an 80s pop guy, but 3 rules. | KrazyKris
06.11.15 | Shouldn't some Phil Collins ballad be on here too? One More Night seems like a perfect addition. | Angelboros
06.11.15 | As far as cheesy 80s hit songs go, Aneka's Japanese Boy hasn't escaped my mind. I do have quite the soft spot for it, though, but me enjoying that can most likely be attributed to the time I put into playing Vice City. | LordWretch
06.11.15 | Might add to the list. I considered a lot of other songs and I'm getting quite a bit of requests |
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