MalleusMaleficarum: My Friend Made Out With Tyler Seguin

MalleusMaleficarum 07.04.14	What a sluuuuuuu
Relinquished 07.04.14	this is a music website
MalleusMaleficarum 07.04.14	yeah so like do you ride the lightning or not you lil bitch
pedro70512 07.04.14	is your friend a chick? if not, then we've got a story.
Cygnatti 07.04.14	^^^^
Relinquished 07.04.14	obv mappy do you know who you're speaking to
MalleusMaleficarum 07.04.14	Yeah if I was outing Tyler Seguin as a homosexual that would definitely be something, eh!!
DrMaximus 07.04.14	lmao
betray 07.04.14	lmao
betray 07.04.14	i promise we did that at the exact same fucking time
DrMaximus 07.04.14	Woah :0
treeqt. 07.04.14	so yeah who
betray 07.04.14	hockey
XfingTheSullen 07.04.14	Who's Tyler Seguin?
DrMaximus 07.04.14	Hockey
MalleusMaleficarum 07.04.14	Tyler Seguin = hockey and he made out with my friend : ' (
XfingTheSullen 07.04.14	Are you jelly or what? maybe she liked it
SCREAM! 07.04.14	Clicked hoping for Tyler the creator :(
MalleusMaleficarum 07.04.14	tyler the creator doesnt like girls
betray 07.04.14	you guys are like on the internet already why are you asking who that is lmao
MalleusMaleficarum 07.04.14	tyler seguin on ice : http://img.bleacherreport.net/img/images/photos/002/592/047/hi-res-181019181-tyler-seguin-of-the-dallas-stars-during-a-preseason_crop_exact.jpg?w=1500&h=1500&q=85 tyler seguin on my friend : http://i57.tinypic.com/2d1tuvl.jpg
Adabelle 07.04.14	Nez Pez, word
MalleusMaleficarum 07.04.14	holy shit adabelle magically appears when Neil Perry is on a list lmao
Adabelle 07.04.14	Got that fanboyism on lockdown
Relinquished 07.04.14	"you guys are like on the internet already why are you asking who that is lmao" seriously
MalleusMaleficarum 07.04.14	search engines how do they werk?
Shimana 07.04.14	dooches get all the poon-tang
Relinquished 07.04.14	nah ur just too soft to know how to play the game
Shimana 07.04.14	i know how to play hockey
MalleusMaleficarum 07.04.14	its so weird when someone youve known for 15 years gets macked on by an NHLer.
YakNips 07.04.14	good list
MalleusMaleficarum 07.04.14	yea bro
treeqt. 07.04.14	"you guys are like on the internet already why are you asking who that is lmao" who's asking
treeqt. 07.04.14	she's ugly btw hope that helps
Relinquished 07.04.14	"who's asking" "so yeah who"
treeqt. 07.04.14	that's not a question that's a statement
Relinquished 07.04.14	don't lie lol you won't make yourself look good either way
sniper 07.04.14	treeqt only digs 12 year old korean girls
NordicMindset 07.04.14	puck bunnys everywhere
treeqt. 07.04.14	anime girls are ok too
Pheromone 07.04.14	wow good joke bro!
MalleusMaleficarum 07.04.14	"she's ugly btw hope that helps" lol srsly?
NordicMindset 07.04.14	nah, she alright
Snake. 07.04.14	I think your friend might have herpes now.
MalleusMaleficarum 07.04.14	she was good enough to bag a millionaire on a thursday night so i mean yea
Snake. 07.04.14	Though I would absolutely mack with one of the Staal brothers if I was given the option.
MalleusMaleficarum 07.04.14	none of the staal brothers are as good looking as tyler seguin though.
MalleusMaleficarum 07.04.14	you could tell he wanted the cameras to go away so he could just mutilate this poor girl http://i61.tinypic.com/2eb5pv6.jpg
Shimana 07.04.14	so do you live in dallas or brampton
MalleusMaleficarum 07.04.14	Lol, Toronto
NordicMindset 07.04.14	Almost reaches Cuthbert levels of puckbunniness
Shimana 07.04.14	yea your friend saw her chance at becoming a puckbunny
Scoot 07.04.14	kid is a legit dbag
Apollo 07.04.14	malleus is completely retarded
ILJ 07.04.14	i held hands with the current miss ohio once we were both drunk though good times
MalleusMaleficarum 07.04.14	"malleus is completely retarded" LOL whats your problem little buddy?
acorncheese 07.05.14	i thought that was jamie benn's job. jk. now it's spezza's job.
MalleusMaleficarum 07.05.14	the story has a twist. my friends last name is seguin. when she asked tyler to put his number into her phone, he put it in there as "Long Lost Brother Incest Tyler".
Shimana 07.05.14	well then don't worry about tyler, he totally "mutilated" that later on.
MalleusMaleficarum 07.05.14	You guys are never gonna believe this. Not that I care or anything, but. After mingling with Tyler Seguin (I didn't know this at the time), my friend caught eyes with Michael Del Zotto. Apparently these are a bunch of guys who were in the area for a charity golf tournament or something. but this is how they spend their weekday nights lol. Anyways yeah Im pretty confident in saying that my friend had sex with Michael Del Zotto approximately 20 mins after mingling with Tyler Seguin and having him enter his number as "Long Lost Brother Incest Tyler". Holy shit.
MalleusMaleficarum 07.05.14	Im trying to obtain some photographic proof of the pre-sex mingling from my friend who notified me of this. Its just too much gold. Im pretty sure this Del Zotto and another NHLer Devante Smith-Pelly trying to squeeze in there with Seguin. http://i62.tinypic.com/w6vy8i.jpg
Shimana 07.05.14	they're all from the Toronto area so maybe it's Clarkson's charity golf tourney
Shimana 07.05.14	also, are you taking the pics?
guitarded_chuck 07.05.14	i know a chick that fucked patty kane. to make this convo relevant: i also know a chick that fucked t-pain. that rhymed unintentionally i srs doe
MalleusMaleficarum 07.05.14	nah I wasn't taking pictures, my friend is sending me these. If they were mine I woulda already cashed in via Deadspin.
Shimana 07.05.14	that would have been some major fifth-wheeling
MalleusMaleficarum 07.05.14	this is fuckin hilarious
GuanoBumbershoot 07.05.14	over one season, about a quarter of the 07-08 Belleville Bulls had their way with a girl from my old high school. I bet one of them was P.K.
MyNameIsPencil 07.13.14	You should have made out with him instead. It'd be a fun story to tell your children one day.
MalleusMaleficarum 07.13.14	I will likely still enjoy telling this story in the future. A friend of mine macked onna couple NHLers at a club one night. Just seeing them lounging about was funny enough. 22 year old dudes just getting hammered and looking for tang. #offseason