Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
Old 04-08-2013, 02:16 AM   #1
mx newbie
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3
lyrical feedback on rap verse

added more bars to this. still to the beat of my mom by eminem

niggas think they good when talk real slow
lower there voice n make the bass drop low
I got a need to succeed lyrically instead
like how a bee need honey to keep its colony fed
I ain't knockin that style ima just focus on mine
so you can jock me all you want cause ima stay on my grind
shoot the sun out the sky n rely on my soul to shine
try all you want, ima wind up doll that don't hault
listeners, what do you think of me now huh?
not the average rapper tryna splash the underground nah
I wanna start a wave so big it'll fuckin drown ya
so get on Noah's arch and listen to my new sound son
just itchin to make the crowd run
despicable kinda sound fun
sick of runnin around runnin my mouth wonderin how there hasn't been a payout, yet
fuckin sick of this childsplay
I stay away from kids but fuck the game a pedophile way
i earned the name of wild dave, registered offender has come with wordplay
hide your kids hide your wife I come for everybody
instead of a knife, I use words to stop em talking
instead of fight, I freestyle and send em walking
they mad as hell, my reputation still godly
FreezerFlow is offline  
Old 04-21-2013, 10:19 PM   #2
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: DC
Posts: 4,246
Seems like you are rhyming just to rhyme rather than trying to make a point or anything like that. Besides that it just sounds like a bunch of two's stuck together. Try rapping about something personal and/or something that pisses you off or makes you really happy. These lyrics are just too run-of-the-mill for anyone to get interested in, we've all heard people rap about how good they are at rapping, looking for something else. Not terrible though.
HillaryClitTounge is offline  
Old 04-22-2013, 11:12 AM   #3
Hep Kat
Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 12,474
i write raps too but you dont see me parading them around on the internet
Hep Kat is offline  
Old 04-22-2013, 10:33 PM   #4
King Heeb, the Rabbi
SugarCoatedSour's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Where you live
Posts: 9,962
I write these dope like "be nice" vanilla ice rhymes
SugarCoatedSour is offline  

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:44 AM.