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Old 04-08-2013, 02:16 AM   #1
FreezerFlow
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lyrical feedback on rap verse

added more bars to this. still to the beat of my mom by eminem


niggas think they good when talk real slow
lower there voice n make the bass drop low
I got a need to succeed lyrically instead
like how a bee need honey to keep its colony fed
I ain't knockin that style ima just focus on mine
so you can jock me all you want cause ima stay on my grind
shoot the sun out the sky n rely on my soul to shine
try all you want, ima wind up doll that don't hault
listeners, what do you think of me now huh?
not the average rapper tryna splash the underground nah
I wanna start a wave so big it'll fuckin drown ya
so get on Noah's arch and listen to my new sound son
just itchin to make the crowd run
despicable kinda sound fun
sick of runnin around runnin my mouth wonderin how there hasn't been a payout, yet
fuckin sick of this childsplay
I stay away from kids but fuck the game a pedophile way
i earned the name of wild dave, registered offender has come with wordplay
hide your kids hide your wife I come for everybody
instead of a knife, I use words to stop em talking
instead of fight, I freestyle and send em walking
they mad as hell, my reputation still godly
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Old 04-21-2013, 10:19 PM   #2
HillaryClitTounge
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Seems like you are rhyming just to rhyme rather than trying to make a point or anything like that. Besides that it just sounds like a bunch of two's stuck together. Try rapping about something personal and/or something that pisses you off or makes you really happy. These lyrics are just too run-of-the-mill for anyone to get interested in, we've all heard people rap about how good they are at rapping, looking for something else. Not terrible though.
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Old 04-22-2013, 11:12 AM   #3
Hep Kat
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i write raps too but you dont see me parading them around on the internet
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Old 04-22-2013, 10:33 PM   #4
SugarCoatedSour
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I write these dope like "be nice" vanilla ice rhymes
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