Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
Old 03-13-2013, 11:43 PM   #1
FreezerFlow
mx newbie
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3
my 14 bar verse (feedback please)

written to the beat of My Mom by eminem

my sixteen bar verse can swiftly turn, into
a mix between feelings of shock, awe, and hurt
no time study rhymes I'm a student at work
no time to fuck dimes with my nose in the dirt
once it's all said and done ill be lickin up syrup
off girls asses cowgirl style put on the stirrups
don't you worry though my flow will remain number one
on my priority list up there right next to my gun
I ain't the best with a pen and pad I'm the first to admit it
give me an iPhone though open notes and then I'll kill it
touch screen I feel it, keypad I deal with
pocket sized 24/7 ready to spit it
technology advances ima take advantage
fuck the critics utilize what you have like are granddads did
FreezerFlow is offline  
Old 03-14-2013, 01:19 PM   #2
Simpleton
Resu Deretsiger
 
Simpleton's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,725
you'll never make it


sorry.
Simpleton is offline  
Old 03-17-2013, 11:03 PM   #3
HillaryClitTounge
Hillary Clittongue
 
HillaryClitTounge's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: DC
Posts: 1,517
Honest opinion, no offense.

my sixteen bar verse can swiftly turn, into
a mix between feelings of shock, awe, and hurt
no time study rhymes I'm a student at work
no time to fuck dimes with my nose in the dirt bad


once it's all said and done ill be lickin up syrup
off girls asses cowgirl style put on the stirrupsok

don't you worry though my flow will remain number one
on my priority list up there right next to my gun terrible

I ain't the best with a pen and pad I'm the first to admit it
give me an iPhone though open notes and then I'll kill it
touch screen I feel it, keypad I deal with
pocket sized 24/7 ready to spit it One of the corniest things i've ever heard

technology advances ima take advantage
fuck the critics utilize what you have like are granddads did cool ending, but that topic was so you probably shoulda only went on about your phone for these 2 bars, not 6. come to my battle room

Last edited by HillaryClitTounge; 03-17-2013 at 11:05 PM.
HillaryClitTounge is offline  
 


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:47 PM.