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10-04-2012, 01:22 PM
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#1 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 24
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sewn
i'm not sure what i'm actually gonna title this yet. these are the lyrics to a song i wrote
oh, seraph from above came down her fire burned brightly through her gown my heart is not my own she and i are together sewn oh, seraph from above came down lost not her beauty with her feathered crown my heart is not my own she and i are forever sewn |
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10-04-2012, 09:20 PM
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#2 |
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slappin bitsches
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: indiana
Posts: 5,608
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Dont be afraid to not rhyme
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Digging: William Basinski - Nocturnes
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10-08-2012, 08:30 AM
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#3 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 212
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Kitsch got it on the head here
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10-22-2012, 04:34 PM
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#4 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 24
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idk i usually like rhyming. it makes writing more of a challenge. i feel more accomplished after writing something i like that adheres to a strict rhyme scheme or syllabic structure or somethin. not that this one was a particularly difficult exercise in either of those
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10-22-2012, 05:07 PM
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#5 | |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,076
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Quote:
not rhyming is for amateurs |
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10-22-2012, 05:32 PM
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#6 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,076
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seriously though
shut the fuck up you fucking confused phonies |
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10-22-2012, 06:49 PM
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#7 |
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slappin bitsches
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: indiana
Posts: 5,608
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Are u n2p?
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Digging: William Basinski - Nocturnes
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10-22-2012, 06:51 PM
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#8 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,076
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i was
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10-22-2012, 06:53 PM
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#9 |
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slappin bitsches
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: indiana
Posts: 5,608
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Sup bro
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Digging: William Basinski - Nocturnes
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10-22-2012, 07:06 PM
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#10 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,076
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you need to work on your fear of rhyming
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10-22-2012, 07:27 PM
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#11 |
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slappin bitsches
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: indiana
Posts: 5,608
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I dont have a fear of rhyming, this dudes rhymes just sucked so hed be better off not doing it till he gets better.
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Digging: William Basinski - Nocturnes
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10-22-2012, 07:31 PM
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#12 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,076
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better off not rhyming till you get better at rhyming, eh
also why not say "do better rhymes" instead of "don't rhyme" |
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10-22-2012, 07:36 PM
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#13 |
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slappin bitsches
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: indiana
Posts: 5,608
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Its not just the rhyming that isnt good.
Writing practice is writing practice and skills are transferable, not at a 1:1 ratio but it does help. |
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Digging: William Basinski - Nocturnes
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10-22-2012, 07:37 PM
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#14 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,076
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i know the poem sucks and you're not going to teach me anything about writing
this is about you |
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10-22-2012, 07:42 PM
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#15 |
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slappin bitsches
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: indiana
Posts: 5,608
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Im not attempting to teach you anything, just explaining my thoughts in response to your questions
What about me Look deep into my soul and tell me my biggest fears, insecurities and inner conflicts |
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Digging: William Basinski - Nocturnes
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10-22-2012, 07:47 PM
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#16 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,076
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you're actually generally afraid to rhyme because you think it might garner the distaste of the peers that you simultaneously despise and seek to impress
this is because you associate rhyming with school exercises or quaint and naive visions of historical/social writing or some shit. i'm not gonna get that tedious with this but yeah there you have it |
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10-22-2012, 07:57 PM
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#17 |
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slappin bitsches
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: indiana
Posts: 5,608
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A spool of yarn, unwound and tangled up
Twisted around into an awful mess Knots that grip the heart and beat – thump thump thump Our dialog had run its course of luck And the words fell upon the ground to rest A spool of yarn, unwound and tangled up Our bodies intertwined (bite my tongue rough!) And the words fell out our mouths like a breath Knots that grip the heart and beat – thump thump thump The castles are cooling into a clump Our tongues play a hollow game of chess A spool of yarn, unwound and tangled up Now you have left me – miles out of touch And I wrap my arms around what Gods bless Knots that grip the heart and beat – thump thump thump Fermented liquids swirl around a cup And heat my body like a sweet caress A spool of yarn, unwound and tangled up Knots that grip the heart and beat – thump thump thump |
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Digging: William Basinski - Nocturnes
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10-22-2012, 08:01 PM
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#18 |
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slappin bitsches
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: indiana
Posts: 5,608
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I like rhyming but most of my poems are glorified journal entries so i dont put the time or effort into structuring it because it doesnt serve the purpose im seeking. With exceptions of course, sometimes structure stimulates cathartic writing.
Also the songs i write usually have slight rhymes |
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Digging: William Basinski - Nocturnes
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10-22-2012, 08:03 PM
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#19 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,076
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that's terrible rhyming
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10-22-2012, 08:07 PM
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#20 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,076
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and slight rhymes don't count
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