Review Proofreading Thread

[Bulldog]

Summary: Normalcy = 808’s & Heartbreak + Intelligence + Lots of Sampling

After a seeming conspiracy by the music industry against him, Charles Hamilton released a new mixtape. In an attempt to salvage his career by expanding his fanbase and impressing record label execs, Charles Hamilton calls in a full assault with Normalcy. Employing sample-heavy, abstract beats and (pseudo-)intelligent lyrics in order to appear as a deep-thinking rapper. But, disappointingly enough, it only slightly works. Normalcy is the intellectual rap faux-hawk, it’s not as good as the real thing, but it’s a whole lot better than most.

As always, Charles relies heavily on sampling, and he aces it everytime with weird, but fun, samples (Ozark Mountain Daredevil’s “Jackie Blue”, Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive”, that Halloween song “Monster Mash”) that thrive as the spine of his beats, using only the simplest means to enhance them, such as throwing in some kicks, some sci-fi/pop synths, big bass, and/or an impressive drum show undertone. So with lyrics to match, Charles takes the route of intellectual lyricism (with detours of arrogance.) But he often overcomplicates things resulting in lengthy, sub-par punchlines (“…sucks, like your car getting keyed,”) which makes no sense because when he keeps things simple he gets a pretty good line in (“John Elway couldn’t overthrow a n**ga.”) Throw in this with his Sonic the Hedgehog references and it muddles the listener’s biographical portrait of Charles Hamilton, with the question ‘Is he faking being smart?’ arising.

In addition, his cocky delivery and often-awkward, amateur flow don’t coincide well together, further enforcing the fact that Charles Hamilton the producer is better than Charles Hamilton the rapper. But unlike other prestigious great-producer-meh-rappers such as Dr. Dre or MF Doom, Charles Hamilton doesn’t achieve greatness, falling short of it. Normalcy is worth a few spins, and should generate a solid record deal for Hamilton, but doesn’t provoke mentions of greatness.

[Electric City]

flip the equation

[Bulldog]

Originally Posted by Electric City

flip the equation

why?

[Bulldog]

anybody else please?

[SeaAnemone]

Some of your "sentences" aren't sentences. Need me to point em out or can you find 'em?

Also, try to not start sentences with "but."

[Bulldog]

Originally Posted by SeaAnemone

Need me to point em out or can you find 'em?

please.

[kingsoby1]

r u kidding doom is 1of thebest rpprs

808s was intelligent also

[Bulldog]

Originally Posted by kingsoby1

r u kidding doom is 1of thebest rpprs

808s was intelligent also

Yea, but if something = 2, can't you add two to it again?

and yea, doom has awesome lyrics, but hes not like the delivery wizard or flowing master.

[kingsoby1]

what i'm saying is that the whole equation thing in summaries is played.

and seriously, doom is probably top 10 rappers all time. how is his delivery and flow not good that makes no sense at all. you really think his lyrics are awesome? they're awesome because of his creative delivery and unique flow...

[Bulldog]

Originally Posted by kingsoby1

what i'm saying is that the whole equation thing in summaries is played.

and seriously, doom is probably top 10 rappers all time. how is his delivery and flow not good that makes no sense at all. you really think his lyrics are awesome? they're awesome because of his creative delivery and unique flow...

Either way, my intention was to indicate that his production is better then his rapping. Arrow Root is my favorite instrumental of all time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=weFIJEn5lqY

[SeaAnemone]

For your review Bulldog:

The sentence you start with "employing..." is not grammatically correct sentence structure.

Try to avoid starting sentences with "but."

Your closing for the 1st para. is a run-on, try adding a "-" or ";" to make it NOT one.

Your first sentence of the next para. is WAY too long. Try breaking it up into like 3 sentences, since it incorporates a few separate ideas.

If you make aforementioned edits the review will be MUCH easier to read and your message will be clearer. Other than that, I think it looks good, considering I know nothing of rap really.

[Bulldog]

Summary: Despite a parasitic DJ and a tag-along (practically non-existent) MC, Cam kills this tape. Boss of All Bosses 2 is a musical garden with quotables ripe for the picking.

Review
Cam’ron is regarded by many (including his fans) as a self parody. He popularized “no homo,” was one of the first rappers to start the now-corrupted swagger movement, defeated Bill Reilly in a debate about the corruptive ability of rap on youth, and makes up words just because he can. Cam’ron is the funny man’s kind of rapper, and easily retains the listener’s interest on Boss of All Bosses 2 with his blizzardous, boastful rapping.

Silly Cam’ron gets an A+ in the lyrical department, giving you your pick of goofy coke musings (“Like Sylvester, I’m bird chasin,”) or hilarious boasts (“They tell me I’m the one like Neo on the first Matrix,”) and he hits the nail on the head seemingly every time. To further enhance the comicality of [u]Boss of All Bosses 2[u/] Cam’s arrogant delivery; fun, at times intricate, flow; and somewhat deep, cocky, and (at times) rough voice send the funny level through the roof, as they perfectly compliment Cam’s lyrics.

Killa Cam tries his hand at all different sorts of beats, succeeding with each beat. While there’s nothing absolutely epic that will top your favorite beats of all time list, there’s definitely some really cool stuff. The rapid Nintendo keyboard-and-synth assault of Point the Finger is great, as is the slowed down Tetris theme song beat (with enhancements) of Whistle or the orchestra’s symphony on Intro.

But, for some odd reason, this mixtape is lesser than the sum of its parts. The skits certainly don’t help the cohesiveness of the album; the back one-third of the album falls off, resulting in the mixtape going out in a quiet whimper (despite Whistle); and the entire mixtape, though entertaining and great for several dozen chuckles, fails to send the listener into a deeper train of thought or mindset. Not to mention a seeming ghost MC (Vado, only appearing on choruses) and an idiot DJ (curse you, Drama) sort of raise some questions about one’s feelings about the album after a complete listen. So, while it still wouldn’t be a classic, Boss of All Bosses 2 fails to be superb because of a few minor setbacks that cumulate to a mid-major one. [u]Boss of All Bosses 2[u/] is an excellent mixtape, equivalent to a final draft of an A paper – pretty darn good, but ends up a B+ because of the lack of revisions.

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Rough draft of my Cam review, could someone please proof and/or offer suggestions? Would be much appreciated. Thanks.

[Bulldog]

High priority - this is for a school assignment due tomorrow, I would like a second opinion/proof it before I give it to my professor.

Requirements - it has to describe how I feel about the album. MLA FORMAT!
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When it comes to rap in pop culture, there are two types of people – those who generalize rap as a bad form of music that’s “just talking [over a beat] about drugs, sex, money, and violence,” and those who like the terrible, simple(ton), monotonous garbage that infiltrates the radio. But, since 1999, there has been a man who defies the stereotypes all the while re-setting the standard. A real street poet who lives the gospel he preaches, One Be Lo. After having robbed a pizza parlor in his hometown of Pontiac, Michigan early 1994, he and Senim Silla (his former partner that he formed Binary Star with) were sentenced to 3-20 years in prison for armed robbery. After being released, One Be Lo formed Binary Star with Senim Silla, but after two albums, they broke apart. His third album, S.O.N.O.G.R.A.M. is indicative of the higher intelligence present in hip-hop – a musical oilfield just waiting to be found.

As seen in the atypical underground rap album there is minimalistic, alternative lo-fi production is present, but for a different reason. Rather than it being present because of the lack of good producers willing to create beats for the album, it’s to set up a thinking atmosphere. Rather than what most rap attempts (a one-two punch of bass and synths) the production is comprised heavily of percussion, old school DJ techniques such as scratching, some acoustic elements, and old movie sampling. The production on S.O.N.O.G.R.A.M. deflects interest from itself, putting emphasis upon One Be Lo.

Further, One Be Lo’s smooth delivery, laidback voice, and uptempo, but somehow relaxing, flow only further allow me to sink into the easy listening environment, which highlights One Be Lo’s philosophical, deep lyrics. One Be Lo flips topics and provides converse to typical rap subjects, rather than talk about sex, money, bullheaded violence, and drugs. He speaks about religion; love; poverty, peace, senseless violence, flaws in our society, and human flaws in a creative way with metaphors, analogies, and wordplay. Just like shallow rappers, whom put emphasis on material things, remind me of what I one day hope to have (beautiful women, tons of money, nice cars, and a big house) S.O.N.O.G.R.A.M. reminds me of how lucky I am to live the privileged life I do.

S.O.N.O.G.R.A.M. is tip-top political, religious and philosophical rap. It sets the standard for what rap should be, and shatters the ever-present stereotype that rap is shallow, materialistic, and violent. One Be Lo is a real philosopher on the microphone and, and, dare I say it, a learning experience created in the form of rap. And unlike the kids who “can’t do homework ‘cause they homes don’t work,” I was able to, and I actually appreciate it this time. There’s good rap out there, and despite what you may think it's not as hard as finding an oilfield.

[Channing]

*due tomorrow

does that help

[monkeygonetoheaven]

How do you bold/ italicize/ etc. stuff?

[Deviant.]

Originally Posted by monkeygonetoheaven

How do you bold/ italicize/ etc. stuff?

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/misc.php?do=bbcode

[mmfarva]

I wrote my first review, but when I look at it in my profile, the picture doesn't show up and the band name says "Other." I tried to edit it and it says it was successful, but it doesn't change. Any ideas?

[Deviant.]

If you mean this review: http://www.sputnikmusic.com/review_35691 it looks like it has been sorted

[mmfarva]

Messed up my review. I guess I accidentally chose mewithoutYou's "Catch For Us the Foxes" instead of "It's All Crazy!" Tried editing, but it's not exactly working. Any way to fix this?

http://www.sputnikmusic.com/review_36221

[Ghostechoes]

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