Review Proofreading Thread - Page 2

kingsoby1 · 10-08-2009, 07:33 AM

anal lyses

just use more onomatopoeias. like "the sludge soundscapes are like boooom boooom squoosh". i would pos you.

rasputin · 10-08-2009, 07:48 AM

that's pretty much my reviewing style in a nutshell

the last two review's i've written were for two black metal albums, both were imo mediocre (the reviews). just cant get back into da rhythmmm

robertsona · 10-08-2009, 03:56 PM

review a genre you know nothing about

serious post

taylormemer · 10-09-2009, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rasputin

that's pretty much my reviewing style in a nutshell

the last two review's i've written were for two black metal albums, both were imo mediocre (the reviews). just cant get back into da rhythmmm

**** happens all the time.

I had a recent stint and will most likely have another soon. What you need is something to generate some momentum, that's all.

rasputin · 10-09-2009, 11:14 PM

yeah i know what you mean. you might remember my last bout of writer's block - the end result was the animals review.

gaslightanthem · 10-23-2009, 07:47 AM

oh i remember it like it was yesterday

rasputin · 10-26-2009, 09:48 PM

how's this mother****ers

Quote:

For the most part, Ignivomous do offer any relief in the shuddering compositional halts which delineate Incantation and co., opting for a literal barrage of intense and impenetrable riffage. Though not explicitly ‘murky’ like Portal’s newly released Swarth, Death Transmutation is covered in a grimy coat of filth that provides an indispensable level of coherence to the record’s relentless face hammering. The final two tracks are much more pronounced in their doom aesthetic than the majority of the album however, with ‘Beckoned to a Global Tomb’ incorporating an exponentially increasing doom tint. Closer ‘Alchemy of Suffering’ is an eight minute beast and, through its portrayal of all that is good about Ignivomous, is possibly the best track on the album – an eerie and utterly claustrophobic mid-section sets the tone for the album’s end, the song combining both brutality and melody in an epic overture to the death metal gods.

mryrtmrnfoxxxy · 10-26-2009, 10:23 PM

For the most part, Ignivomous do offer any relief in the shuddering compositionablahblahblah

do offer any relief doesnt make sense
but there were lots of big words and it sounds kvlt so i think your ready again

rasputin · 10-26-2009, 10:25 PM

yah i forgot the 'not'

and this is the second of two paragraphs i've written, the other being even better

mryrtmrnfoxxxy · 10-26-2009, 10:30 PM

i'll believe it when i see it

rasputin · 10-26-2009, 10:32 PM

that's all you're getting

what do you guys think is better, longer and thicker paragraphs, but less of them, or smaller paragraphs with only a couple of sentences, but more of them, at least twice as many

Jim · 10-27-2009, 04:40 AM

the first one. too many little paragraphs seems messy.

gaslightanthem · 10-27-2009, 07:20 AM

Jim is correct ofc

mryrtmrnfoxxxy · 10-27-2009, 08:13 AM

you gotta find a balance

im not reading paragraphs bigger than my penis

rasputin · 10-27-2009, 08:19 AM

sometimes smaller paragraphs works fine - i've done both kinds before, and i guess it depends on which approach you're taking with the analysis. i do prefer denser paragraphs, but sometimes it's nice to have it short and blunt. if you know what i mean

~~Anthracks~~ · 10-27-2009, 11:16 AM

depends how long the review is for the most part. if its a 500-600 word review with 2 or maybe 3 paragraphs id prefer smaller ones...it really all comes down to the content within the paragraphs anyway

Ragez · 10-27-2009, 03:00 PM

250-500 words is usually pretty legit.

Phantom · 10-27-2009, 03:03 PM

Just realised I've never word counted any of my reviews. I agree about having longer paragraghs and less of them being better.

Bulldog · 01-02-2010, 12:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MoisheTsipin

Nobody seems to have posted on this thread in some time. Still, I would like some help revising my recent and controversial review of Circle Takes the Square's As the Roots Undo so that it's acceptable according to Sputnik's standards. I'd actually be more than happy to reform my past trolling ways if we could just get this worked out, because I did work really hard on that review and think it's an important contribution, at least stylistically.

The last couple times I tried to post it, I had edited out the "large bundle of sticks" references completely and all of its blatantly homophobic rhetoric. This might have been missed, since at first glance it could just appear identical to past versions. Even without this language, however, the review retains the use of "dogpoop" and "buttfucking complicity." It thus remains polemical, and I'd prefer for it to stay that way. Is it impossible for a review to be polemical without it being automatically branded as trolling?

Anyway, I'll post it here for suggested revisions if it's okay. But first, is the review even salvageable? I want to know that it's not just going to be rejected out of hand because of its past. I think it's valuable because it's formally innovative; to my knowledge, no other piece of music criticism has ever been written in the form of a geometric proof.

I'll proof your review if you proof my concept review. Ok...even if you don't proof my review, I'll still proof yours.

But be forewarned, if it's not hip-hop, I won't be able to tell you if it's sensible/agreeable or not etc.

Bulldog · 01-02-2010, 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MoisheTsipin

Bulldog - Sure, I'll proof your concept review. I'm a good editor.

Where do you want me to put it?

10-08-2009, 07:33 AM	#21
kingsoby1 rap music Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Murderapolis Posts: 3,843	anal lyses just use more onomatopoeias. like "the sludge soundscapes are like boooom boooom squoosh". i would pos you.
	Digging: Twin Shadow - Confess

10-26-2009, 10:32 PM	#31
rasputin dream shiteater Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Perth, Australia Posts: 14,267	that's all you're getting what do you guys think is better, longer and thicker paragraphs, but less of them, or smaller paragraphs with only a couple of sentences, but more of them, at least twice as many Last edited by rasputin; 10-26-2009 at 10:50 PM.

10-27-2009, 11:16 AM	#36
~~Anthracks~~ Banned Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,580	depends how long the review is for the most part. if its a 500-600 word review with 2 or maybe 3 paragraphs id prefer smaller ones...it really all comes down to the content within the paragraphs anyway
	Digging: Thee Oh Sees - Floating Coffin

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10-08-2009, 07:48 AM	#22
rasputin dream shiteater Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Perth, Australia Posts: 14,267	that's pretty much my reviewing style in a nutshell the last two review's i've written were for two black metal albums, both were imo mediocre (the reviews). just cant get back into da rhythmmm

10-08-2009, 03:56 PM	#23
robertsona Emma Watsup Join Date: May 2009 Location: Bang)bang Posts: 5,604	review a genre you know nothing about serious post

10-09-2009, 11:14 PM	#25
rasputin dream shiteater Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Perth, Australia Posts: 14,267	yeah i know what you mean. you might remember my last bout of writer's block - the end result was the animals review.

10-23-2009, 07:47 AM	#26
gaslightanthem snap Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 2,512	oh i remember it like it was yesterday

10-26-2009, 10:23 PM	#28
mryrtmrnfoxxxy mr yrtmrnfoudly Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 882	For the most part, Ignivomous do offer any relief in the shuddering compositionablahblahblah do offer any relief doesnt make sense but there were lots of big words and it sounds kvlt so i think your ready again

10-26-2009, 10:25 PM	#29
rasputin dream shiteater Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Perth, Australia Posts: 14,267	yah i forgot the 'not' and this is the second of two paragraphs i've written, the other being even better

10-26-2009, 10:30 PM	#30
mryrtmrnfoxxxy mr yrtmrnfoudly Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 882	i'll believe it when i see it

10-27-2009, 04:40 AM	#32
Jim but never beaten! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Shepparton Posts: 3,361	the first one. too many little paragraphs seems messy.

10-27-2009, 07:20 AM	#33
gaslightanthem snap Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 2,512	Jim is correct ofc

10-27-2009, 08:13 AM	#34
mryrtmrnfoxxxy mr yrtmrnfoudly Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 882	you gotta find a balance im not reading paragraphs bigger than my penis

10-27-2009, 08:19 AM	#35
rasputin dream shiteater Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Perth, Australia Posts: 14,267	sometimes smaller paragraphs works fine - i've done both kinds before, and i guess it depends on which approach you're taking with the analysis. i do prefer denser paragraphs, but sometimes it's nice to have it short and blunt. if you know what i mean

10-27-2009, 03:00 PM	#37
Ragez Rage Quitter 1.0 Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 89	250-500 words is usually pretty legit.

10-27-2009, 03:03 PM	#38
Phantom Inside The Particle Storm Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Southwest Posts: 1,219	Just realised I've never word counted any of my reviews. I agree about having longer paragraghs and less of them being better.