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Old 08-13-2009, 10:05 AM   #1
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Review Proofreading Thread

We had a thread like this a long time ago -- if you are currently working on a review and need help with grammar, a second read, etc, this thread's for you.
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Old 08-13-2009, 10:27 AM   #2
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Oh yeah, I remember this thread. Is a good idea. a Notice of this thread should be added to the news article about "Sputnik Community" that was just posted.
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Old 08-13-2009, 10:29 AM   #3
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I wish I was better at writing so I could write reviews.
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Old 08-13-2009, 10:31 AM   #4
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Make sure to post your actual review text here; it's really frustrating to click on a link as opposed to clicking "quote".
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Old 08-13-2009, 12:02 PM   #5
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Ah, wonderful. I was beginning to wonder why we didn't have one of these threads already.
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Old 08-13-2009, 01:39 PM   #6
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Yay for bringing this back, I got some good help here with one of my first reviews.
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Old 08-13-2009, 06:51 PM   #7
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lets get this party started in here
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Old 08-30-2009, 06:09 PM   #8
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The party is empty and it seems Rasputin is the only one dancing to his own beat
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Old 08-30-2009, 06:13 PM   #9
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Threads potential has been pretty much wasted so far.
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Old 08-30-2009, 07:04 PM   #10
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i might just write a bad review to give you guys something to do
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Old 08-30-2009, 08:51 PM   #11
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Yeah, please do.
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Old 08-30-2009, 10:49 PM   #12
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Would be a good start.
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Old 09-07-2009, 06:06 AM   #13
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ah good thread. why not more action itt?

plenty of reviews need proof reading. lots of mine could have used some. and i am easy to catch the errors of others and miss my own. which is sort of the whole point of proof reading stuff, i guess. and having it read. i would proof read some stuff if put here. it would prolly even help with my own reviewing

i don't write many reviews anymore, but have a few i may submit. some half done stuff. but not "serious" reviews like a lot of my staff stuff. so i really wouldn't use this thread to have stuff read, because if i review they will be vv casual from now on

but i'd like to proof read others. i like to clean up sentences, extra words, edit things out, add stuff in. or suggest those things

i like this thread lets proof read some materials
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Old 09-12-2009, 09:44 AM   #14
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Tried my second review

Quote:
I am very interested with Thursday because of my friend's recommendation and said that They have the similar genre like Thrice. So I decided to "tasted" Thursday's music and my friend lent me "A City by the Light Divided" (2005) and "Common Existence" (2009) that I was going to review. Listened to both of the album, I can safely say that Thrice has evolved from "ACBTLD", especially in instruments (oh how I love the drums) and the music is overall stronger.

First track is usually the judgment of the whole content, and "Resuscitation Of A Dead Man" succeeded to impress me with it's fast paced drumming and strong vocals, and "Last Call" made me wanted to hear track by track carefully, I love the vocals, especially when he sung "Everything we build, it falls apart, And the architect abandons us.", that part approached me emotionally. I heard Geoff Rickly scream for the first time in "As He Climbed The Dark Mountain". It is clearly stronger than the first few tracks, and "Friend In The Armed Force" has a very charismatic opening and as I expected, the vocals is also nice, Of course there was slower songs such as "Love Has Let Us Astray"
and "You Were The Cancer" is hell of a closer of this album. These tracks were the most memorable of this album, I don't feel like mention the others as it feels too generic for me.

Recommended :
Resuscitation Of A Dead Man
Last Call
Friend In The Armed Force
You Were The Cancer
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Old 09-28-2009, 02:19 PM   #15
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review becomes hilarious if you read it with a Borat-esque accent
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Old 10-01-2009, 07:55 PM   #16
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Heres something:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maxwell's Review
Instead of catering to the mainstream like most artists, Jay-Z managed to break the mold of rap and forced everyone else to feed him, kind of like a fat kid (albeit a very charismatic one), it managed to work for incredible critical and commercial success. It’s a shame how the might have fallen indeed, as The Blueprint 3 sees Jay-Z at a point in weakness, and instead of following his own path, allows Kanye West to take him on the synth-ridden road to hip hop success and absolute boredom, which ultimately will disappoint long-time Jay-Z fans.

Jay sure starts things off on the right foot on The Blueprint 3, giving us “What We Talkin Bout”, a track that removes any of that Reasonable Doubt/ Vol.1-3 déj�* vu that listeners felt on America Gangster, with Jay’s arrogance being spit with a new flow and a futuristic instrumental that puts Jay in the future. Both “D.O.A.” and “Thank You”, although both good, try their damnedest to spit on this change, with “D.O.A.” having a exciting albeit messy oriental feeling, while “Thank You” invokes Jay’s highly praised conversational flow and runs with it over a beat that would neigh unflowable any other way.

Good enough, right? But as soon as you make it to “Run This Town” and “Empire State of Mind”, the albums problems become uncomfortably clear; despite a lot of the trying of new things, most of these things have already been done by others of the mainstream, and much better. Even at this point, there are positives, such as the brand-dropping “Venus vs. Mars” and the driving-like-Nascar-except-not-just-turning-left guitar of “Run This Town”, but after “D.O.A.”, none of the songs as a whole work. To use the same song once again as an example, “Venus Vs. Mars” suffers from Jay-Z’s flow, which attempts to be slick, dirty, confident, and lackadaisical all at the same time and fails at all of them, while Jay’s lyrics on “Run This Town” are some of the most amateurish that he’s ever written.

And these tracks are mediocre, but they don’t even match how awful most of the album is. This brings up the main problems overall; that Jay-Z’s flow is getting to cocky for no reason, taking a lack of caring for how loud his voice gets like his annoying former protégé Memphis Bleak, while his lyricism is becoming boring like his other former protégé Beanie Sigel. Not only that, but this mostly Kaney-driven soundtrack seems to indulge more of Kanye West’s taste buds than Jay’s own, with Jay sounding uncomfortable with a producer he’s worked with for years. As well as all that the majority of the album, which a lot of the time sounds so washed down and processed it might as well have been made entirely of studio musicians, just feels unnatural and that's just, for a lack of better term, wack.

I have confidence that Jay-Z’s album after this will soar above the clouds. It may evoke that déj�* vu feeling that I get when I listen to American Gangster, but damn it, it will still be better than this. Having a post-808 Kanye West produce this was a mistake, as it sounds lazily danceable, with production that is almost as weak as that of Common’s dance record Universal Mind Control. The only thing that’s better is that this actually has good songs. Download the first three songs and approach “Venus vs. Mars” and “Run This Town” with caution, but the rest of the album… umm… look it’s Reasonable Doubt, or Blueprint, or even Kingdom Come!
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Old 10-01-2009, 08:03 PM   #17
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edit: k guess ill quote dat ****

Quote:
Instead of catering to the mainstream like most artists, Jay-Z managed to break the mold of rap and forced everyone else to feed him, kind of like a fat kid (albeit a very charismatic one), it managed to work for incredible critical and commercial success.
i dont really like this sentence. there's the whole
Quote:
forced everyone else to feed him
which i dont exactly get

but then there's also
Quote:
kind of like a fat kid (albeit a very charismatic one), it managed to work for incredible critical and commercial success.
which makes it sound like it's similar to a fat kid in that it worked for incredible critical/commercial success, which i dont think is what ya meant

[quoteIt’s a shame how the might have fallen indeed[/quote]

mighty*?

Quote:
sees Jay-Z at a point in weakness
of* i think would fit a little better here. no big deal really though.

Quote:
Reasonable Doubt/ Vol.1-3 déj�* vu
i found this kinda weird, and the phrase deja vu didnt seem to register, i guess? o r at least the "a". could just be a problem with my computer though

Quote:
with Jay’s arrogance being spit with a new flow and a futuristic instrumental that puts Jay in the future.
awkward

Quote:
neigh unflowable
nigh* i think

Quote:
But as soon as you make it to “Run This Town” and “Empire State of Mind”, the albums problems
the album's* problems. pretty small but whatever haha

Quote:
that Jay-Z’s flow is getting to cocky
too* cocky

Quote:
Not only that, but this mostly Kaney-driven
Kanye* haha

Quote:
but the rest of the album… umm… look it’s Reasonable Doubt, or Blueprint, or even Kingdom Come!
i get where you were going here but it seems kinda strange to end on this, try to incorporate the idea of how much better those albums were in a different way

other than the stuff i pointed out a good amount of sentences were phrased awkwardly, i'd suggest reading it aloud or something to help that

good review anyway, album sucks

Last edited by robertsona; 10-01-2009 at 08:17 PM.
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:02 PM   #18
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Anyone care to critique my work?

I haven't gotten much criticism or feedback. Perhaps I should have requested it in the comments..

http://www.sputnikmusic.com/profile.php?name=RobotFrank

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Old 10-03-2009, 12:05 PM   #19
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here goes

Quote:
Summary: Imperfect – but so special, you won’t really care.

4.5

If there’s one thing Idlewild can’t be accused of, it’s lethargy. At every single turn the listener’s attention, in one way or another, is relentlessly gripped. And yet – they are so very often passed off as just another indie outfit. What is it, then, that sets them apart, even in spite of their weaknesses – those of inconsistency in song strength, and the notorious songwriting of Mr. Roddy Woomble? The Remote Part has examples aplenty of both of these; but, crucially, it also showcases why these are so easy to overlook – why Idlewild compensate for this, and with gusto.

Believe me – they don’t waste any time proving they don’t waste any time.

“You Held The World In Your Arms” is a powerhouse opener of soaring strings and guitar, overlaying each other with a gallop of drum beats punctuating the questions, “What if you had the world in your arm’s tonight?” and “It’s like your life hasn’t changed, And it’s three years late, So how does it feel, to be three years late?”. That he can’t turn back the clock is at the forefront of Woomble’s mind, and The Remote Part is indeed his night with the world in his arms; if the first track is anything to go by, he is very much making the most of now.

And make the most of it they do; if that didn’t wrestle the listener’s mind into attentive submission, then the explosion of riffs n’ drums that is “The Modern Way of Letting Go” certainly will, as does Woomble’s ongoing tubthumping if somewhat ridiculous lyrics. The brief adrenaline rush wears off – though not entirely - with “American English” and “I Never Wanted”, which both sport laid back, unobtrusive and skilful musicianship in tracks that while chilled, maintain Idlewild’s trademark liveliness. Both are genuinely enjoyable tunes that demonstrate the band’s skill of captivation at a lower tempo. What perhaps bleeds through on the relaxed numbers is the unaccomplished lyrics. Whilst they supplement the power tracks with a kick, they can be a major weakness where instrumentation isn’t the biggest focus.

Not that the volatile pieces are consistently successful. “(I Am) What I Am Not” has no real substance, outside of simply being loud with louder lyrics; but while uninspired, they stop short of cringeworthy – regardless, it fails in making an anthem of it, in the way the lyrics made “These Wooden Ideas” such a highlight back on 100 Broken Windows. Indeed, whether the shaky songwriting is on target or not is all too often what seperates the memorable from the forgettable. The aforementioned “(I Am) What I Am Not” is similair to “Out Of Routine” in several ways; but the songwriting in the latter works. It achieves the desired effect of an passionate, tribal yell, whilst the other, if equal in volume and energy, tends more to embarrassment than inspiration.

A fine concoction of an album, composed of some memorable tunes of both the rousing anthemic jump-and-shout-along variety and more composed comedowns that still reverberate with the energy of the aforementioned playmakers, albeit some more forgettable than others, begins to bubble over and reach it’s peak with the concluding track couple. “Stay The Same” thunders into your consciousness with masterful… well, everything, really. The lyrics work – raw passion is liberally yelled atop crazed drumming, silky smooth yet raw and unabashedly electric guitars, and chances are you’ll be far too preoccupied rocking out to notice the throbbing bassline toiling hard in the background. Woomble finds the words he’s looking for to embody the zeal he’s been striving for with this gem.

Quote:
“And I know that what is here will not be here much longer
Unless we alter what we have, or alter what we don’t have
What we won’t have, what we’ve never seemed to have
What we tried to have, we’ve failed to have
And all of this was just so we won’t
Stay the same”
It’s not clever, but it is big; and right after romping through the chorus once again, we are treated to an explicitly fantastic showcase of guitar-shreddery to savour – boiling point, ladies and gents, has been reached, and this is one of the finest 3 minutes 10 seconds of pure energy, what Idlewild are renowned for, that the band has committed to vinyl.

But what’s left inside now that everything’s bubbled over? Something a bit special – “The Remote Part/Scottish Fiction” begins as a folksy, acoustic number that laments, as the opening track does, the passing of time and the impossibility of keeping up. As we are serenaded with “So I’ll wait ‘til I find the remote part of your heart/Nowhere else will let us choose a comfortable start”, it takes a heart of stone not to sympathise with his wish that time would just stop. “What a great way to end an album like this – with a cosy, comfortable folk singalong.”

But then.

The electrics are slammed back on and the guitars soar over the cracked and aged Scottish accent of Edwin Morgan as he reads aloud, like an ancient bard, of the creative passion that lives in, breathes in and even constitutes in the common Scottish spirit. ‘Rousing’ isn’t the word; epic might be. As the guitars, never letting up, play us out, we realise that they have all along been striving to channel the energy and passion they feel for their home nation. Whether it succeeds, as the astounding conclusion does, or goes astray the mark as on some of the weaker tracks, the album courses with this energy in one way or another, and it really is riveting, despite the flaws. This is what makes The Remote Part and Idlewild, bursting with pride as they are, so hard to ignore and so damnably endearing. To disregard this is to disregard spirit itself.
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Old 10-08-2009, 07:19 AM   #20
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ok so ive got a bit of a writer's block any suggestions on how i can pick up my game and blast out some ANALYSES
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Old 10-08-2009, 07:33 AM   #21
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anal lyses

just use more onomatopoeias. like "the sludge soundscapes are like boooom boooom squoosh". i would pos you.
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Old 10-08-2009, 07:48 AM   #22
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that's pretty much my reviewing style in a nutshell

the last two review's i've written were for two black metal albums, both were imo mediocre (the reviews). just cant get back into da rhythmmm
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Old 10-08-2009, 03:56 PM   #23
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review a genre you know nothing about


serious post
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Old 10-09-2009, 10:09 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rasputin View Post
that's pretty much my reviewing style in a nutshell

the last two review's i've written were for two black metal albums, both were imo mediocre (the reviews). just cant get back into da rhythmmm
**** happens all the time.

I had a recent stint and will most likely have another soon. What you need is something to generate some momentum, that's all.
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Old 10-09-2009, 11:14 PM   #25
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yeah i know what you mean. you might remember my last bout of writer's block - the end result was the animals review.
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Old 10-23-2009, 07:47 AM   #26
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oh i remember it like it was yesterday
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Old 10-26-2009, 09:48 PM   #27
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how's this mother****ers

Quote:
For the most part, Ignivomous do offer any relief in the shuddering compositional halts which delineate Incantation and co., opting for a literal barrage of intense and impenetrable riffage. Though not explicitly ‘murky’ like Portal’s newly released Swarth, Death Transmutation is covered in a grimy coat of filth that provides an indispensable level of coherence to the record’s relentless face hammering. The final two tracks are much more pronounced in their doom aesthetic than the majority of the album however, with ‘Beckoned to a Global Tomb’ incorporating an exponentially increasing doom tint. Closer ‘Alchemy of Suffering’ is an eight minute beast and, through its portrayal of all that is good about Ignivomous, is possibly the best track on the album – an eerie and utterly claustrophobic mid-section sets the tone for the album’s end, the song combining both brutality and melody in an epic overture to the death metal gods.
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Old 10-26-2009, 10:23 PM   #28
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For the most part, Ignivomous do offer any relief in the shuddering compositionablahblahblah

do offer any relief doesnt make sense
but there were lots of big words and it sounds kvlt so i think your ready again
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Old 10-26-2009, 10:25 PM   #29
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yah i forgot the 'not'


and this is the second of two paragraphs i've written, the other being even better
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Old 10-26-2009, 10:30 PM   #30
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i'll believe it when i see it
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