Challenge 98 voting

xKONRADx · 11-20-2005, 07:39 PM

Vote, like eight bitches in a bitch boat.

RunAmokRampant
ITRIEDVOODOOONCE
ATC
Nath™
Littlejohn
Lowridenn
theredwonder
xKONRADx

ITRIEDVOODOOONCE · 11-20-2005, 08:45 PM

RunAmokRampant- 4
ITRIEDVOODOOONCE - dylon
ATC - The whole sappy tone doesnt catch my drift 6
Nath™ - a bit long winded for the point you were trying to get across, and a tid bit repetitive, that and what RunAmok said. 7
Littlejohn - 3
Lowridenn - Meh, i dont know i like it but it just doesnt really click with me, not understanding click, just ...click click. 5
theredwonder - Not much really to say, but i like it quite a bit. 2
xKONRADx- great, i love the ambiguity of the poem, and even if im not getting the same message your trying to convey, you do it in a way that is unique. blah i already critted. 1

sorry for the short, or no crit, ill get back to it later, i just want this to be counted.

RunAmokRampant · 11-21-2005, 04:54 AM

ITRIEDVOODOOONCE 6
Hrmmm "they be lying dead on the floor" sounds like a retard's saying this. No offence but the language is not really poetic at all in the first half and you kind of redeem yourself in the second. "Where we look for flaws in family films", is one of the highlights for me in this piece. You need to scrap the beginning and look for a more killer opener.

ATC 1
I like the subtlety here fused with some nice imagery. The spanish "Te Amo" is an effective addition to this sappy love song. It's well written and I don't see any cliches in sight. I'm interested in what the title means.

Nath™ 7
I suggest you read ATC third stanza in his entry. You need more subtlety in your approach. Phrases such as "To the days where the sex was guilt free" are too heavy for this kind of theme. But you have some okay imagery and some of your expression is a bit flawed. The first two lines for example "It's a gilded enamel of waking, alone and, Naked and numb without cover today.". You've used a couple ofcommas and then used "and" one too many times and makes it sound monotonous and clunky.

Littlejohn 3
Nice imagery that's used shows a lot of potential for a creative writer. Not bad. In the middle band with the Red Wonder. Hmm hard to decide whats better

Lowridenn 2
I really enjoyed this one. It's a bit short and could add a few more neat ideas but I suppose it's fine the way it is. Very stylistic and very well written. Up there with the good entries for sure.

theredwonder 4
You use a lot of high class vocabulary in this but it's not as purple as it would seem thankfully. The probably with the language is that it's harder to connect with but I managed after several reads. Good effort.

xKONRADx 5
Okaaay?? Weird piece but I wouldn't expect any less of you to come up with this. I'm finding hard to crit this or rank as I can't decide whether it's pure stroke of genius or mindless rabble. May further analyse this if I can

11-21-2005, 06:08 AM

RunAmokRampant
ITRIEDVOODOOONCE
ATC
Nath™
Littlejohn
Lowridenn
theredwonder
xKONRADx

theredwonder · 11-21-2005, 10:05 AM

RunAmokRampant
ITRIEDVOODOOONCE
ATC
Nath™
Littlejohn
Lowridenn
theredwonder
xKONRADx

Littlejohn · 11-21-2005, 02:00 PM

RunAmokRampant- I loved this piece. The last line reminded me of something we read in class yesterday. You might find it interesting... http://www.selu.edu/Academics/Faculty/scraig/gansberg.html

ITRIEDVOODOOONCE- It's okay. I love the sarcastic tone line. A great hook. The rest is below par though..

ATC-I love the line break usage. The ending was exceptional as well. Too far above me too try and critique it.

Nath™-It's okay. Your diction could have been a lot better though.

Littlejohn- By far the worst song I have written for a while, but whaddayagonnado?

Disco Dragon- Some parts were really clever. Some didn't quite do it for me. The beginning and ending are head and shoulders above the rest, but I still like it. Too bad you didn't use "recoil"...

Lowridenn- I love the style. This piece was very good I just wish it were longer...

theredwonder- I like it alot.

xKONRADx-I laughed. Still trying to decide whether that is what you were going for....but I laughed.

1 RunAmokRampant
2 ATC
3 Lowridenn
4 theredwonder
5 Nath™
6 ITRIEDVOODOOONCE
7 xKONRADx

***TojesDolan*** · 11-21-2005, 05:55 PM

Fuck it, I could've easily won this. Why were there so little entries? Oh yeah, I wasn't here so everyone panicked and left lololololololol.

...

RunAmokRampant
ITRIEDVOODOOONCE
ATC
Nath™
Littlejohn
Lowridenn
theredwonder
xKONRADx

Lowridenn · 11-21-2005, 09:16 PM

2 RunAmokRampant -
7 ITRIEDVOODOOONCE -
1 ATC -
6 Nath™ -
4 Littlejohn -
X Lowridenn
3 theredwonder -
5 xKONRADx -

I just wanted to make sure my votes got in. I will get back to this in a day or so with some comments.

xKONRADx · 11-22-2005, 10:28 PM

5-RunAmokRampant-i think it should be "pass-time" it was pretty good. the story behind it didnt really get me though.

2-ITRIEDVOODOOONCE- not sure i get it, especially the first verse. but it seems solid and has a nice 'sound'

4-ATC- probably one of my least favorite of yours. i think it might be because of the structure. the repetition "it lasts/lingers" and so on.

6-Nath™- it seems like some of the imagery was used too literaly. nothing really stood out.

3-Littlejohn-reading it i knew i shouldnt like it. but i did. not my usual style but you worked it well i think. the first half is better than the last.

7-Lowridenn-maybe im just not in the mood for love songs. also the whole cafe in rome idea seems kind of unrelateable to me. i bet chicks would dig it though.

1-theredwonder-very good. you get a gold star.

X-xKONRADx- just send us your credit card info and win $1,000,000 US

ATC · 11-25-2005, 01:04 AM

RunAmokRampant - 1 . Quite easily. It's an awesome prose-poem. You've made the most of the format and packed a punch doing it too. There's some spots in stanza 1 that could use more flow but that aside, ****ing awesome.

ITRIEDVOODOOONCE - 4. I did not like your beginning though you made up for it as you went on. The two lines in between made me chuckle. I dont know if thats what you wanted but yea. The last stanza is wicked. Tis a good start to the challenge, two good ones in a row.

ATC - Me. Writes sappy love poems. My title is the first half of the name Veronica.

Nath™- 7. You're trying too hard with this one. '..Sex was guilt-free..' was the line that killed it all for me and you never recovered after. Nostalgic chorus and wordier verses don't always work. Still, decent.

Littlejohn- 6 Tis alright. Didn't make me have much of a reaction. That, and the suject you chose isnt to my taste. The snapshot of irony stanza was awesome though. The stanza efore was alright and the one after evoked my prejudice against such a subject.

Lowridenn- 2. I liked this. It was too short though. I likey your style.

theredwonder - 5.Cool.

xKONRADx- 3. Heh nice title. Twas good but you cannot say Mary-Kate in a song without ruining it.

drumass04 · 12-03-2005, 11:49 AM

RunAmokRampant - Cherry Bomb - 6
ITRIEDVOODOOONCE - - 8
ATC - Vero - 1
Nath - Whatever floats your heartache - 4
Little John - - 7
Disco Dragon - Would I miss not missing you - 5
Lowridenn - - 2
TheRedWonder - - 3
xKONRADx - necrotizing fasciitis - 9

11-20-2005, 07:39 PM	#1
xKONRADx The Chosen Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Fûck Feûdalism Posts: 1,876	Challenge 98 voting Vote, like eight bitches in a bitch boat. RunAmokRampant ITRIEDVOODOOONCE ATC Nath™ Littlejohn Lowridenn theredwonder xKONRADx Last edited by xKONRADx; 11-20-2005 at 07:44 PM.

11-20-2005, 08:45 PM	#2
ITRIEDVOODOOONCE Eat Yourself Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 814	RunAmokRampant- 4 ITRIEDVOODOOONCE - dylon ATC - The whole sappy tone doesnt catch my drift 6 Nath™ - a bit long winded for the point you were trying to get across, and a tid bit repetitive, that and what RunAmok said. 7 Littlejohn - 3 Lowridenn - Meh, i dont know i like it but it just doesnt really click with me, not understanding click, just ...click click. 5 theredwonder - Not much really to say, but i like it quite a bit. 2 xKONRADx- great, i love the ambiguity of the poem, and even if im not getting the same message your trying to convey, you do it in a way that is unique. blah i already critted. 1 sorry for the short, or no crit, ill get back to it later, i just want this to be counted. Last edited by ITRIEDVOODOOONCE; 11-29-2005 at 01:53 PM.

11-21-2005, 04:54 AM	#3
RunAmokRampant Planeteer 4 life Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 4,463	ITRIEDVOODOOONCE 6 Hrmmm "they be lying dead on the floor" sounds like a retard's saying this. No offence but the language is not really poetic at all in the first half and you kind of redeem yourself in the second. "Where we look for flaws in family films", is one of the highlights for me in this piece. You need to scrap the beginning and look for a more killer opener. ATC 1 I like the subtlety here fused with some nice imagery. The spanish "Te Amo" is an effective addition to this sappy love song. It's well written and I don't see any cliches in sight. I'm interested in what the title means. Nath™ 7 I suggest you read ATC third stanza in his entry. You need more subtlety in your approach. Phrases such as "To the days where the sex was guilt free" are too heavy for this kind of theme. But you have some okay imagery and some of your expression is a bit flawed. The first two lines for example "It's a gilded enamel of waking, alone and, Naked and numb without cover today.". You've used a couple ofcommas and then used "and" one too many times and makes it sound monotonous and clunky. Littlejohn 3 Nice imagery that's used shows a lot of potential for a creative writer. Not bad. In the middle band with the Red Wonder. Hmm hard to decide whats better Lowridenn 2 I really enjoyed this one. It's a bit short and could add a few more neat ideas but I suppose it's fine the way it is. Very stylistic and very well written. Up there with the good entries for sure. theredwonder 4 You use a lot of high class vocabulary in this but it's not as purple as it would seem thankfully. The probably with the language is that it's harder to connect with but I managed after several reads. Good effort. xKONRADx 5 Okaaay?? Weird piece but I wouldn't expect any less of you to come up with this. I'm finding hard to crit this or rank as I can't decide whether it's pure stroke of genius or mindless rabble. May further analyse this if I can Last edited by RunAmokRampant; 11-26-2005 at 02:09 AM.
	Digging: Daitro - Y

11-21-2005, 02:00 PM	#6
Littlejohn cash money Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Avon, IN Posts: 990	RunAmokRampant- I loved this piece. The last line reminded me of something we read in class yesterday. You might find it interesting... http://www.selu.edu/Academics/Faculty/scraig/gansberg.html ITRIEDVOODOOONCE- It's okay. I love the sarcastic tone line. A great hook. The rest is below par though.. ATC-I love the line break usage. The ending was exceptional as well. Too far above me too try and critique it. Nath™-It's okay. Your diction could have been a lot better though. Littlejohn- By far the worst song I have written for a while, but whaddayagonnado? Disco Dragon- Some parts were really clever. Some didn't quite do it for me. The beginning and ending are head and shoulders above the rest, but I still like it. Too bad you didn't use "recoil"... Lowridenn- I love the style. This piece was very good I just wish it were longer... theredwonder- I like it alot. xKONRADx-I laughed. Still trying to decide whether that is what you were going for....but I laughed. 1 RunAmokRampant 2 ATC 3 Lowridenn 4 theredwonder 5 Nath™ 6 ITRIEDVOODOOONCE 7 xKONRADx Last edited by Littlejohn; 11-29-2005 at 09:35 PM.

11-21-2005, 05:55 PM	#7
*TojesDolan* ‪ Moderator Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 28,237	Fuck it, I could've easily won this. Why were there so little entries? Oh yeah, I wasn't here so everyone panicked and left lololololololol. ... RunAmokRampant ITRIEDVOODOOONCE ATC Nath™ Littlejohn Lowridenn theredwonder xKONRADx
	Digging: Giant Squid - The Ichthyologist

11-21-2005, 06:08 AM	#4
Solar Guest Posts: n/a	RunAmokRampant ITRIEDVOODOOONCE ATC Nath™ Littlejohn Lowridenn theredwonder xKONRADx

11-21-2005, 10:05 AM	#5
theredwonder RAWR! Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: In a little place called Home Posts: 3,436	RunAmokRampant ITRIEDVOODOOONCE ATC Nath™ Littlejohn Lowridenn theredwonder xKONRADx

11-21-2005, 09:16 PM	#8
Lowridenn With your powers combined Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: California Posts: 1,165	2 RunAmokRampant - 7 ITRIEDVOODOOONCE - 1 ATC - 6 Nath™ - 4 Littlejohn - X Lowridenn 3 theredwonder - 5 xKONRADx - I just wanted to make sure my votes got in. I will get back to this in a day or so with some comments. Last edited by Lowridenn; 11-30-2005 at 12:35 AM.

11-22-2005, 10:28 PM	#9
xKONRADx The Chosen Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Fûck Feûdalism Posts: 1,876	5-RunAmokRampant-i think it should be "pass-time" it was pretty good. the story behind it didnt really get me though. 2-ITRIEDVOODOOONCE- not sure i get it, especially the first verse. but it seems solid and has a nice 'sound' 4-ATC- probably one of my least favorite of yours. i think it might be because of the structure. the repetition "it lasts/lingers" and so on. 6-Nath™- it seems like some of the imagery was used too literaly. nothing really stood out. 3-Littlejohn-reading it i knew i shouldnt like it. but i did. not my usual style but you worked it well i think. the first half is better than the last. 7-Lowridenn-maybe im just not in the mood for love songs. also the whole cafe in rome idea seems kind of unrelateable to me. i bet chicks would dig it though. 1-theredwonder-very good. you get a gold star. X-xKONRADx- just send us your credit card info and win $1,000,000 US Last edited by xKONRADx; 11-28-2005 at 10:36 PM.

11-25-2005, 01:04 AM	#10
ATC Thru leaves,over bridges Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 6,746	RunAmokRampant - 1 . Quite easily. It's an awesome prose-poem. You've made the most of the format and packed a punch doing it too. There's some spots in stanza 1 that could use more flow but that aside, ***ing awesome. ITRIEDVOODOOONCE - 4. I did not like your beginning though you made up for it as you went on. The two lines in between made me chuckle. I dont know if thats what you wanted but yea. The last stanza is wicked. Tis a good start to the challenge, two good ones in a row. ATC - Me. Writes sappy love poems. My title is the first half of the name Veronica. Nath™- 7. You're trying too hard with this one. '..Sex was guilt-free..' was the line that killed it all for me and you never recovered after. Nostalgic chorus and wordier verses don't always work. Still, decent. Littlejohn- 6 Tis alright. Didn't make me have much of a reaction. That, and the suject you chose isnt to my taste. The snapshot of irony stanza was awesome though. The stanza efore was alright and the one after evoked my prejudice against such a subject. Lowridenn- 2. I liked this. It was too short though. I likey your style. theredwonder - 5.Cool. xKONRADx- 3. Heh nice title. Twas good but you cannot say Mary-Kate in a song without ruining it. Last edited by ATC; 11-27-2005 at 12:14 AM.*

12-03-2005, 11:49 AM	#11
drumass04 Hiding in Bonham's bass Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 964	RunAmokRampant - Cherry Bomb - 6 ITRIEDVOODOOONCE - - 8 ATC - Vero - 1 Nath - Whatever floats your heartache - 4 Little John - - 7 Disco Dragon - Would I miss not missing you - 5 Lowridenn - - 2 TheRedWonder - - 3 xKONRADx - necrotizing fasciitis - 9

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