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09-23-2005, 09:05 AM
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#1 |
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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Challenge 95 - Voting
-1up!-
EmergencyRoom TojesDolan Lowridden d0ped0g bowl of oranges WhatILiveFor SubtleDagger ATC pixiesfanyo Dancin' Man |
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09-23-2005, 10:14 AM
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#2 |
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I'm On A Roll...
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Friendliest City In UK / Murder Capital Of Europe
Posts: 2,783
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-1up!-
EmergencyRoom TojesDolan Lowridden d0ped0g bowl of oranges WhatILiveFor SubtleDagger ATC pixiesfanyo Dancin' Man Last edited by EmergencyRoom; 09-26-2005 at 03:36 PM. |
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09-23-2005, 12:15 PM
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#3 |
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∞ days deleted
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Ithaca is Gorges. So are vags
Posts: 12,034
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-1up!- First off, your use of rhyme is not becoming of you. This is countered by the fact that you often use excellent wording and imagery. Sometimes though, that’s all it felt like. 7
EmergencyRoom – Ehhh…. I liked how you put it together and your wording (although that last stanza wasn’t as strong) but the theme was a bit boring. 6 TojesDolan – This I was not too fond of mostly because the whole thing stayed medieval and I was ready for you to drop that and be less metaphorical by the end. It also felt devoid of any true meaning that we haven’t heard 100 times. 8 Lowridden – I like this one. It’s none too imaginative but it is so strong and doesn’t let a lot of extra crap linger around. The imagery is solid and I enjoyed reading it. 3 d0ped0g - 9 bowl of oranges 2 WhatILiveFor 10 SubtleDagger - Nice avatar. You're the queen of France. 1 ATC 4 pixiesfanyo 5 No more time for crits unless... Last edited by Dancin' Man; 09-30-2005 at 10:03 AM. |
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09-23-2005, 03:54 PM
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#4 |
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Moderator
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 28,237
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6. -1up!- - Good but cramps up in places.
4. EmergencyRoom - David is good at this. LOL  3. Lowridden - I like the idea behind it, very subtle yet greatly taken... hmm... 8. d0ped0g - sometimes ideas overflow, and sometimes they flow way to slowly... 1. bowl of oranges - very good. 7. WhatILiveFor - The second stanza is... not so great, I didn't quite get it. Confusing, I guess. 2. SubtleDagger - Great, as usual. 5. ATC - It's good, the use of the word is a little rushed... It's not very clear, but I like it. 10. pixiesfanyo - overflow of ideas is not the greatest idea ever, but the first stanza is good. 9. Dancin' Man - good italicized ideas, but the ones in normal font are... good. But not too appealing. I thought there were more entries... EDIT: It was hard choosing the places... They were all good, but I based the reank in my personal faves. Last edited by TojesDolan; 09-25-2005 at 04:26 PM. |
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Digging: Giant Squid - The Ichthyologist |
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09-23-2005, 06:46 PM
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#5 |
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Postmodern unwillingly
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 2,152
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EmergencyRoom:
TojesDolan: Good word choice which constantly refers to the theme, but overall I don't think it really "stands out". "My cherished God, Your blessing makes gives me strength, and makes the enemy weak." I'll assume that word was a mistake, but even ignoring it, I found those were too simple lines; it gave a weak finishing touch to the lyrics. Lowridden: Nice! The theme is original, not something I am used to reading. I could actually picture the scene of a villa on the seashore very well in my mind as I read the lines. "The only light was the glare off the ocean And the only flaw was knowing it wouldn’t last." I really like those lines. d0ped0g : bowl of oranges WhatILiveFor SubtleDagger : My favorite style of writing. Nothing much to say, except it's excellent. ATC : I love it. I had to read it a couple times to fully understand its deepness, and it struck me how I loved the imagery. It's short too, and yet doesn't feel as empty as other lyrics twice as long. Good job. pixiesfanyo : Excellent vocabulary! But it's somewhat spoiled by the...lack of words. It lacked emotivity, felt too descriptive to me. Still, I like it a lot; I look forward to reading more pieces from you  Dancin' Man : The lines in italic seem out of place, and not fit for lyrical context... Overall, I found it was simplistic. I like the last stanza though, it gives a strong finish for a not-so-strong piece. Maybe with more imagery it would've been a whole different piece of work. Last edited by -1up!-; 09-29-2005 at 07:36 PM. |
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09-24-2005, 01:05 AM
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#6 |
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With your powers combined
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: California
Posts: 1,165
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6 -1up!-
5 EmergencyRoom 7 TojesDolan X Lowridden 8 d0ped0g 2 bowl of oranges 9 WhatILiveFor 1 SubtleDagger 10 ATC 4 pixiesfanyo 3 Dancin' Man I'll post comments later. Last edited by Lowridenn; 09-26-2005 at 01:02 AM. |
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09-24-2005, 05:41 AM
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#7 |
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words.
Join Date: May 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 841
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-1up!-
EmergencyRoom TojesDolan Lowridden d0ped0g bowl of oranges WhatILiveFor SubtleDagger ATC pixiesfanyo Dancin' Man |
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09-24-2005, 08:50 AM
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#8 |
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huffing & puffing
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: idyllwild, ca
Posts: 17,787
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-1up!- - 2
EmergencyRoom - 7 TojesDolan - 8 Lowridden - 4 d0ped0g - 9 bowl of oranges -3 WhatILiveFor - 10 SubtleDagger - 1 ATC - 5 Dancin' Man - 6 Last edited by pixiesfanyo; 09-30-2005 at 07:14 AM. |
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Digging: Do Make Say Think - Other Truths |
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09-24-2005, 10:27 AM
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#9 |
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Sciolist
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 226
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5 -1up!- -6.7
6 EmergencyRoom- 6.5 2 TojesDolan- 7.0 4 Lowridden- 6.8 8 d0ped0g- 5.8 1 bowl of oranges- 8.2 x WhatILiveFor 3 SubtleDagger- 6.9 9 ATC- 5.3 10 pixiesfanyo- 5.2 7 Dancin' Man- 6.2 I will present full critiques if asked. That is, if I am able to- I will be gone for this weekend, and I don't know what my computer access will be like. By the way, this was a hard challenge to place ranks. Last edited by WhatILivefoR; 09-30-2005 at 11:02 PM. |
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09-24-2005, 10:04 PM
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#10 |
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RRRRAAAAWWWWRRRR!!!!!
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,862
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-1up!- - nicely put together, but many things just seemed out of place - 6.9/10
EmergencyRoom - some real standout moments, interesting structure - 7.5/10 TojesDolan - interesting that such a conventional structure and use of vocab carried no rhyme whatsoever (not saying its a bad thing). Nothing wrong with the peice, but hardly the most thoughtprovoking of the lot - 6.6/10 Lowridden d0ped0g bowl of oranges WhatILiveFor SubtleDagger ATC pixiesfanyo Dancin' Man |
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09-27-2005, 07:25 PM
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#11 |
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Thru leaves,over bridges
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 6,746
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1up!- 1
EmergencyRoom - 7 TojesDolan - 10 Lowridden - 5 d0ped0g - 9 bowl of oranges - 4 WhatILiveFor - 6 SubtleDagger - 3 ATC - x pixiesfanyo - 2 Dancin' Man - 8 Votes definitely subject to change. Barely read them all twice. |
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09-30-2005, 12:32 PM
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#12 |
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MX Chib Artiste
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 154
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7.-1up!-
EmergencyRoom 9.TojesDolan 5.Lowridden 6.d0ped0g 4.bowl of oranges 8.WhatILiveFor 1.SubtleDagger 10.ATC 3.pixiesfanyo 2.Dancin' Man I won't have time to crit each one just now so i'll just vote and crit anyone who needs one from me. The standards were really high this time round IMO. No-one really wrote anything that wasn't at least decent.  Last edited by EmergencyRoom2; 09-30-2005 at 03:23 PM. |
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10-01-2005, 07:50 AM
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#13 |
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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-1up!- - 7th
EmergencyRoom - 8th TojesDolan - 10th lowridden - 2nd d0ped0g - 9th bowl of oranges - 3rd WhatILiveFor - 4th ATC - 5th pixiesfanyo - 1st Dancin' Man - 6th Ask for an explanation if you need one. |
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