Challenge 92 "Tyranny" Voting

***DFelon204409*** · 08-05-2005, 01:51 AM

You guys are losers

DiscoDragon
bowl of oranges
sketchyjoe
MementoMori
RunAmokRampant
pixiesfanyo
d0ped0g
SubtleDagger
addictedtochaos
&*%&^÷??µ˜?chaos¬÷ˆ?ƒ©?®?ß£¢
kse
B Sweared
Sever

RunAmokRampant · 08-05-2005, 02:33 AM

DiscoDragon 5th
I like the symmetry thing you have goin on. Helps ties things together from start to finish. A little erratic in flow for some parts but other than that it's okay.

bowl of oranges 4th
I like the imagery you use particulary with the last few lines. This is probably the best you've written so far. Good job.

sketchyjoe 7th
This is humourous amongst the simplicity. Actually I laughed aloud. It's not great but it was amusing.

MementoMori 12th
DQ'ed?

pixiesfanyo 9th
I didn't mind this until the 3 o'clock part, then it went totally downhill from there. It's pretty perverted and not something I dig at all.

d0ped0g 6th
This is okay, I haven't read your stuff in awhile. I like the majority of the verses but the chorus feels too forced. I feel that this is in two parts. Is that why the last 3 stanzas are italiced? Anyhow it really does have that Jeffrey Dahmer psychotic cannabilistic feel to it. What a psycho!

SubtleDagger 2nd
I like the bike imagery, it's pretty unique and the flow is flawless. I see a little bit of rhyming too that isn't forced and is well fitting.

addictedtochaos 1st
I like this very much. I find it interesting and the single lines work well although I do find this poem a little too fragmented. The last stanza repetition is great as well. I'm not big into repetition but I like this a lot. Good effort

&*%&^÷??µ˜?chaos¬÷ˆ?ƒ©?®?ß£¢ 11th
I sense that you're new to this writing thing. You definitely pave the direction clear for readers but a little bit of intrigue and more clever metaphors will help you and make the piece more interesting. That is the problem with this song, it lacks interest.

kse 3rd
The language you use is great, the flow is good but punctuation would help. Otherwise this is a well written poem but I don't overly find it interesting but that is just me. I try not to get personal taste involved but sometimes it just sneaks in.

B Sweared 10th
These lines "Without you I am nothing with you I’m still nothing", "I can’t resist I’m just a slave my wallet is empty I’m just a slave.", "Sometimes I can’t resist I wish I could resist." and some others start to get real annoying to me after a while. It is an okay reinforcing statement to use what you've done but it gets tiring. This poem starts to lift towards the end though and there are some okay ideas dotted throughout.

Sever 8th
Charming. Sounds like death metal. I don't mind some death metal now and again as long as it's not as bad as Cannibal Corpse. These lyric are not as shall we say as grotesque as Cannibal Corpse but still doesn't frame a pretty picture. It doesn't make me want to vomit but it does make me cringe as your vocab certainly is your strong point and your imagery works okay as well. The 4th stanza I like the best except for the "exstinguisher prototype of sorts" line. Doesn't fit or sound too good to me although I know what your trying to say, a different description would be better or alternately scrap the "of sorts" part because it makes it sound less poetic shall we say. Not too bad.

sketchyjoe · 08-05-2005, 06:58 AM

DiscoDragon - This song was good if maybe slightly disjointed. It certainly had some very good lines and you used repetition well. 4th
bowl of oranges - This song started off well, lost my interest in the middle and regained it with the stream metaphor which I liked. 7th
MementoMori - If this was a parody. It would be excellent. I was laughing out loud by the end. 12th
RunAmokRampant - Some nice imagery and good juxtaposition but it didn't really do it for me in genreal. 6th
pixiesfanyo - I like a lot of the imagery but as a cohesive song it didn't interest me. The ending annoyed me. 5th
d0ped0g - Serial-Killer songs can either be incredibly cheesy or gorily cool. This one manages the latter. It's well-constructed and has some great lines. 1st
SubtleDagger - I liked this song, particularly the way it starts from a small, perfectly-formed image and blossoms from there. 2nd
addictedtochaos A good song with good imagery. 3rd
.-=ChaoS=-. - This really felt like two incomplete songs put together. Some sections were good but it was too disjointed in general. 11th
kse - I didn't like this song. It had a few okay lines but they couldn't save it. 8th
B Sweared - I liked the ending of this song but that's about all I liked. Far too turgid. 9th
Sever - This seemed like it was just written for shock value. It was boring and I didn't like it at all. 10th

Wannabe Steve Harris · 08-06-2005, 10:53 PM

Bowl of oranges
Pixiesfanyo
doped09
KSE
Subtledagger
DiscoDragon
MomentoMori
RunAmokRapant
AddictedtoChaos
Bskewered
Chaos
Sever
Life
SketchyJoe

bowl of oranges · 08-07-2005, 08:56 AM

DiscoDragon
bowl of oranges
sketchyjoe
MementoMori
RunAmokRampant
pixiesfanyo
d0ped0g
SubtleDagger
addictedtochaos
&*%&^÷??µ˜?chaos¬÷ˆ?ƒ©?®?ß£¢
kse
B Sweared
Sever

A_Perfect_Sonnet · 08-07-2005, 10:56 AM

I am voting on this faceplant of a challenge.

DiscoDragon
bowl of oranges
sketchyjoe
MementoMori
RunAmokRampant
pixiesfanyo
d0ped0g
SubtleDagger
addictedtochaos
chaos (not to be confused with ATC)
kse
B Sweared
Sever

08-10-2005, 07:35 PM

DiscoDragon - 5th
bowl of oranges - 2nd
sketchyjoe - 10th
MementoMori - 9th
RunAmokRampant - 1st
pixiesfanyo - 3rd
d0ped0g - 8th
SubtleDagger - Me
addictedtochaos - 7th
Chaos - 6th
kse - 4th
B Sweared - 11th
Sever - 12th

ATC · 08-11-2005, 07:35 AM

DiscoDragon - 7. Structural issues.Felt the rant come on too strong for my taste.
bowl of oranges- 2. 'So as to..' is an awkward way to say things.
sketchyjoe- 8. Hehe. Nothing screams lyric quite like 'boobs'. Carry on.
MementoMori- DQ
RunAmokRampant- 1. Quite easily
pixiesfanyo - 3. Nice work.
d0ped0g- 4. Lyrical, got the feel right.
SubtleDagger - 5. Good imagery.
addictedtochaos - Love me, love my cat.
&*%&^÷??µ˜?chaos¬÷ˆ?ƒ©?®?ß£¢ - 10.
kse - 6. Hooks, please.
B Sweared - 11.
Sever- 9. Hehe.

***DFelon204409*** · 08-11-2005, 09:54 AM

SO many DQz

08-05-2005, 01:51 AM	#1
*DFelon204409* i want tha gold Supermod Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: San Francisco Posts: 14,901	Challenge 92 "Tyranny" Voting You guys are losers DiscoDragon bowl of oranges sketchyjoe MementoMori RunAmokRampant pixiesfanyo d0ped0g SubtleDagger addictedtochaos &*%&^÷??µ˜?chaos¬÷ˆ?ƒ©?®?ß£¢ kse B Sweared Sever
	Digging: Brother/Ghost - Black Ice

08-05-2005, 02:33 AM	#2
RunAmokRampant Planeteer 4 life Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 4,463	DiscoDragon 5th I like the symmetry thing you have goin on. Helps ties things together from start to finish. A little erratic in flow for some parts but other than that it's okay. bowl of oranges 4th I like the imagery you use particulary with the last few lines. This is probably the best you've written so far. Good job. sketchyjoe 7th This is humourous amongst the simplicity. Actually I laughed aloud. It's not great but it was amusing. MementoMori 12th DQ'ed? pixiesfanyo 9th I didn't mind this until the 3 o'clock part, then it went totally downhill from there. It's pretty perverted and not something I dig at all. d0ped0g 6th This is okay, I haven't read your stuff in awhile. I like the majority of the verses but the chorus feels too forced. I feel that this is in two parts. Is that why the last 3 stanzas are italiced? Anyhow it really does have that Jeffrey Dahmer psychotic cannabilistic feel to it. What a psycho! SubtleDagger 2nd I like the bike imagery, it's pretty unique and the flow is flawless. I see a little bit of rhyming too that isn't forced and is well fitting. addictedtochaos 1st I like this very much. I find it interesting and the single lines work well although I do find this poem a little too fragmented. The last stanza repetition is great as well. I'm not big into repetition but I like this a lot. Good effort &%&^÷??µ˜?chaos¬÷ˆ?ƒ©?®?ß£¢ 11th* I sense that you're new to this writing thing. You definitely pave the direction clear for readers but a little bit of intrigue and more clever metaphors will help you and make the piece more interesting. That is the problem with this song, it lacks interest. kse 3rd The language you use is great, the flow is good but punctuation would help. Otherwise this is a well written poem but I don't overly find it interesting but that is just me. I try not to get personal taste involved but sometimes it just sneaks in. B Sweared 10th These lines "Without you I am nothing with you I’m still nothing", "I can’t resist I’m just a slave my wallet is empty I’m just a slave.", "Sometimes I can’t resist I wish I could resist." and some others start to get real annoying to me after a while. It is an okay reinforcing statement to use what you've done but it gets tiring. This poem starts to lift towards the end though and there are some okay ideas dotted throughout. Sever 8th Charming. Sounds like death metal. I don't mind some death metal now and again as long as it's not as bad as Cannibal Corpse. These lyric are not as shall we say as grotesque as Cannibal Corpse but still doesn't frame a pretty picture. It doesn't make me want to vomit but it does make me cringe as your vocab certainly is your strong point and your imagery works okay as well. The 4th stanza I like the best except for the "exstinguisher prototype of sorts" line. Doesn't fit or sound too good to me although I know what your trying to say, a different description would be better or alternately scrap the "of sorts" part because it makes it sound less poetic shall we say. Not too bad. Last edited by RunAmokRampant; 08-10-2005 at 03:49 AM.
	Digging: Daitro - Y

08-05-2005, 06:58 AM	#3
sketchyjoe GREAT GOOGA-MOOGA! Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Desolation Row, London Posts: 16,337	DiscoDragon - This song was good if maybe slightly disjointed. It certainly had some very good lines and you used repetition well. 4th bowl of oranges - This song started off well, lost my interest in the middle and regained it with the stream metaphor which I liked. 7th MementoMori - If this was a parody. It would be excellent. I was laughing out loud by the end. 12th RunAmokRampant - Some nice imagery and good juxtaposition but it didn't really do it for me in genreal. 6th pixiesfanyo - I like a lot of the imagery but as a cohesive song it didn't interest me. The ending annoyed me. 5th d0ped0g - Serial-Killer songs can either be incredibly cheesy or gorily cool. This one manages the latter. It's well-constructed and has some great lines. 1st SubtleDagger - I liked this song, particularly the way it starts from a small, perfectly-formed image and blossoms from there. 2nd addictedtochaos A good song with good imagery. 3rd .-=ChaoS=-. - This really felt like two incomplete songs put together. Some sections were good but it was too disjointed in general. 11th kse - I didn't like this song. It had a few okay lines but they couldn't save it. 8th B Sweared - I liked the ending of this song but that's about all I liked. Far too turgid. 9th Sever - This seemed like it was just written for shock value. It was boring and I didn't like it at all. 10th Last edited by sketchyjoe; 08-09-2005 at 12:02 PM.

08-07-2005, 10:56 AM	#6
A_Perfect_Sonnet Greyskull Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Winchester, VA Posts: 4,039	I am voting on this faceplant of a challenge. DiscoDragon bowl of oranges sketchyjoe MementoMori RunAmokRampant pixiesfanyo d0ped0g SubtleDagger addictedtochaos chaos (not to be confused with ATC) kse B Sweared Sever Last edited by A_Perfect_Sonnet; 08-09-2005 at 07:11 AM.

08-11-2005, 09:54 AM	#9
*DFelon204409* i want tha gold Supermod Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: San Francisco Posts: 14,901	SO many DQz
	Digging: Brother/Ghost - Black Ice

08-06-2005, 10:53 PM	#4
Wannabe Steve Harris Registered User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 184	Bowl of oranges Pixiesfanyo doped09 KSE Subtledagger DiscoDragon MomentoMori RunAmokRapant AddictedtoChaos Bskewered Chaos Sever Life SketchyJoe

08-07-2005, 08:56 AM	#5
bowl of oranges words. Join Date: May 2005 Location: UK Posts: 841	DiscoDragon bowl of oranges sketchyjoe MementoMori RunAmokRampant pixiesfanyo d0ped0g SubtleDagger addictedtochaos &*%&^÷??µ˜?chaos¬÷ˆ?ƒ©?®?ß£¢ kse B Sweared Sever

08-10-2005, 07:35 PM	#7
SubtleDagger Guest Posts: n/a	DiscoDragon - 5th bowl of oranges - 2nd sketchyjoe - 10th MementoMori - 9th RunAmokRampant - 1st pixiesfanyo - 3rd d0ped0g - 8th SubtleDagger - Me addictedtochaos - 7th Chaos - 6th kse - 4th B Sweared - 11th Sever - 12th

08-11-2005, 07:35 AM	#8
ATC Thru leaves,over bridges Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 6,746	DiscoDragon - 7. Structural issues.Felt the rant come on too strong for my taste. bowl of oranges- 2. 'So as to..' is an awkward way to say things. sketchyjoe- 8. Hehe. Nothing screams lyric quite like 'boobs'. Carry on. MementoMori- DQ RunAmokRampant- 1. Quite easily pixiesfanyo - 3. Nice work. d0ped0g- 4. Lyrical, got the feel right. SubtleDagger - 5. Good imagery. addictedtochaos - Love me, love my cat. &*%&^÷??µ˜?chaos¬÷ˆ?ƒ©?®?ß£¢ - 10. kse - 6. Hooks, please. B Sweared - 11. Sever- 9. Hehe.

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