Challenge #83 voting (ends Mar 14)

[6945]

Here's the list....

RunAmokRampant
Coheneran
A Perfect Sonnet
Theredwonder
Fatt Sorum
Jason101
Necroses - Bass
Livingdedboy
Captain Pugwash
k.s.e.
Addicted tochaos
6945
Mango
BadpoetryJesus
Disco Dragon
Mine

[d0ped0g]

I havnt voted for Captain Pugwash because that is me.

RunAmokRampant - 8/10
Leagues better than any of your previous peices. Doesnt try to be smarter than it actually is. Could be a little more eloquent tho (eg. "rushing red river" sounds almost out of place when read). Brilliant title. Fav stanza's are 2nd, 4th and last.

Coheneran - 5/10
Too preachy and rebellious. Not my cup of tea.

A Perfect Sonnet - 7.3/10
Beautifully eloquent. Content isnt spectacular tho.

Theredwonder - 6.5/10
I dunno what it is about this one... i just dont like it that much:/

Fatt Sorum - 6/10
Doesnt really speak to me on any higher level.

Jason101 - 7.5/10
Love songs (well... songs ABOUT love) are quite hard to write without making it corny or cliche. Yours was neither... Good effort.

Necroses - Bass - 6.7/10
Quite a simple peice and the content isnt exactly that good. Which is why I was surprised that i actually liked it.

Livingdedboy - 7/10
Much better written than the other "political peice". Your style meant it was far more interesting to read and analyze. Still doesnt speak to me on many higher levels tho.

k.s.e. - 8.3/10
Amazing 1st stanza, but you fail to finish the peice with as well as you started it. Not that the rest still wasnt good. Song title had a very dark and mysterious quality to it... but still cant c it as being a song title.

Addicted tochaos - 7.1/10
Meh this song doesnt really float my boat. The ending is brilliant tho.

6945 - 8.1/10
The one great thing about this song is that the rhyming scheme is constant (apart from "absurd") without forcing rhymes or compromising your peice. Also more importantly the rythm is constant and allows for good flow. You acheive all these things while writing some good lyrics at the same time. Well done.

Mango - 6.2/10
Tries to speak words that arent there by being overly moody and dark. Not that a dark atmosphere isnt good... but not when its made in china (if you get what i mean).

BadpoetryJesus - 7.6/10
Oh god, you just HAD to use the challenge word as your title... AND capitilize every time you used the word. Some pretty cool lyrics tho. I especially liked the last 3 lines.

Disco Dragon - 7.5/10
Its a pretty averagely spectacular song if you ask me... Just make your own interpretation of what i just said.

Mine - 7.2/10
Extra points for being obscure in your writing... but you arent consistantly as smart as what your peice may appear on the outside.

RANKINGS:
1st. k.s.e.
2nd. 6945
3rd. RunAmokRampant
4th. BadpoetryJesus
5th. Disco Dragon
6th. Jason101
7th. A Perfect Sonnet
8th. Mine
9th. Addicted_tochaos
10th. Livingdedboy
11th. Necroses - Bass
12th. Theredwonder
13th. Mango
14th. Fatt Sorum
15th. Coheneran

[coheneran]

This seems aboot right.

RunAmokRampant 1 - 8/10
I've read this one before, and it was pretty **** good. I've given it a critique before, so I won't bother doing another one, but this song was posted in the main S&L room some time ago.(if you wanna see my critique)

A Perfect Sonnet 5 - 7/10

Theredwonder 15 - 1/10
I really didn't like this one, although I can't quite put my finger on the reason.

Fatt Sorum 11 4/10

Jason101 10 - 5/10

Necroses - Bass 2 - 8/10
I really like this one, although techincally it's not amazing. But the atmosphere it brings across is eerie and slightly dreamy (to be honest it makes me feel stoned).

Livingdedboy 9 - 6/10

Captain Pugwash 3 - 8/10
This one is great, especially the chorus and the final stanza. It's moody and dark, and leaves a sort of aftertaste in the mind.

k.s.e. 8 - 6/10

Addicted tochaos 7 - 7/10

6945 4 - 7.5/10

Mango 14 - 1/10

BadpoetryJesus 13 2.5/10

Disco Dragon 12 - 3.5/10

Mine 6 - 7/10
Simple, but effective. I really like this one. It seems a bit basic, but the storytelling is great. Bob Dylanish.

[Nightvision]

Originally Posted by coheneran

This seems aboot right.

RunAmokRampant 1
Coheneran 2
...
...
Mine 15

Wait, either you're trying to use a second account to cheat the voting (and have failed spectacularly) or you misunderstand the voting sytem.


As for me...

RunAmokRampant 4 - 7.5/10
Coheneran 10 - 4/10
A Perfect Sonnet 6 - 5.5/10
Theredwonder 7 - 5.5/10
Fatt Sorum 11 4/10
Jason101 ---
Necroses - Bass 15 2/10
Livingdedboy 14 3/10
Captain Pugwash 2 8/10
k.s.e. 3 8/10
Addicted tochaos 9 5/10
6945 5 6.5/10
Mango 12 3.5/10
BadpoetryJesus 8 5.5/10
Disco Dragon 1 8.5/10
Mine 13 3/10

EDIT: Justifications available on request.

EDIT EDIT: ratings /10 added, and minor changes to rankings after a re-read.

[theredwonder]

RunAmokRampant - 5

This took me a couple of reads to understand but once i did i found it highly enjoyable. Throughout most of the piece you simply describe a slightly obscure situation, but in a wonderful way. A great choice of wording. Only major problem was the flow, and i didn't like some of your metaphors.


Coheneran - 15

I knew someone was going to write a song about terrorism and i could deal with that but you've approached it in a terrible way. AAAA rhyme scheme is repetetive after the third line, predictable, overused. Sorry i just didn't like it at all.


A Perfect Sonnet - 1

This song showed a great Bright Eyes influence, no extravagant use of the imagination but a great description of the scene. Good imagery, portrays and evokes a lot of emotion, nekked laydeez and some subtle rhymes. Wonderful.

Theredwonder - -


Fatt Sorum - 14

Bland content and rhyme, didn't really appeal to me.


Jason101 - 4



Necroses - Bass - 12
Livingdedboy - 11
Captain Pugwash - 9
k.s.e. - 3
Addicted tochaos - 7
6945 - 8
Mango - 13
BadpoetryJesus - 10
Disco Dragon - 2
Mine - 6

[theredwonder]

Originally Posted by 6945

Not only do you rank, as you have done, you must also give a score between 1 & 10 (10 being a masterpiece and 1 being total crap).

That's not compulsory. However i will edit in some comments when i have time.

[6945]

RunAmokRampant
Rate 7.5
Rank 3
thoughts: Love the title and concept. Whats missing for me is a sense of build up. It's mostly narrative and description. When I get to the end "To be left to wander while he waits on the edge. For the next to arrive unaware. For the next to stroll in without care". I dont really feel like I've been anywhere or a sense of forboding. That said, I do like all the descriptive language. Its nicely done

Coheneran
Rate 5
Rank 15
Review: difficult subject to write about and be original. I caught your intentions, I believe but..."rad", "lunch money" ?? I guess I enjoy a little more Sophistication

A Perfect Sonnet
Rate 7.3
Rank 7
Exegesis: For all the plain wording and awkward start...This develops a certain personality and envolves mood unexpectedly. Of course naked women...always a nice touch!

Theredwonder
Rate 7
Rank 10
Meh: it's not a bad piece, but its not a great one either. Some good lines but not too deep. Lets see how you progress after several challenges

Fatt Sorum
Rate 6
Rank 13
denouncement: Pretty simple & straight forward. Totally comes off as a garage band piece (no disgrace there) but for me sitting @ my little terminal this requires volume to appriciated

Jason101
Rate 6.5
Rank 11
synopsis:I'm kinda middle of the road on this one. It's ok but lacks a little flair to make it more memorable.

Necroses - Bass
Rate 7
Rank 9
reflections:another one in the "not bad, but not really good" catagory. I think it just boils down to either a level of talent or a degree of experience.

Livingdedboy
Rate 7
Rank 8
Hokum: the verses were well written the chorus just bothered me

Captain Pugwash
Rate 8
Rank 1
Platitudes: Is it Monday mornings caffeine or does the sound good from top to bottom?

k.s.e.
Rate 7.9
Rank 2
Report: I think the strength of this lies in the flow. I didnt care for the 2nd verse, specificly "as everyone else". Some good word choice too ie "etched, ritual". Nicely polished, something challenge participants show take note of

Addicted tochaos
Rate7.5
Rank 5
Reflection: Echo's through a vast corridor, this seems to sum up this piece. Floating in a dream. Love the ending

6945

Mango
Rate 5
rank 14
Slammer: a couple good lines but not nearly enough to get a good score. The repetition canceled any spark of creativity.

BadpoetryJesus
rate 7.5
rank 6
revue: Some poetry doesnt seem suited for lyrics but I dont get that feeling here. Nicely penned but in the end I was hoping for more emotional attachment.

Disco Dragon
Rate 7.5
Rank 4
the ol Once-over: Nice poetry, some beautiful passages but those rhymes, especially at the beginning...to opressive

Mine
Rate 6.3
Rank 12
Whaa? not all that weird of different. I did start to get a feel for a direction.
but its not all that deep

[A_Perfect_Sonnet]

RunAmokRampant 5

Coheneran 13 - We're past the red scare. I don't think putting "commie" in your song really has much of an impact.

A Perfect Sonnet - Loves his momma. You get'm Bobby!

Theredwonder 10

Fatt Sorum 15 - You brought me to a new level of hatred.

Jason101 9

Necroses - Bass 2

Livingdedboy 11

Captain Pugwash 3

k.s.e. 1

Addicted tochaos 7

6945 6

Mango 14 - Well gosh, that was just awful.

BadpoetryJesus 8

Disco Dragon 4

Mine 12 -Points taken off for saying that you can grow a "wooden heart", you're silly. I also don't think the word "horny" could ever work in a song, ever.

[RunAmokRampant]

Good idea to put the due date 6945


RunAmokRampant---

Coheneran 5.5/10 10th
This is ok, I knew someone would write about terrorism and the such. Not as bad as I expected. Forced rhyming throws me off though

A Perfect Sonnet 8.5/10 2nd
Your descriptions really set the scene. Intimate yet mysterious. A unique love song. Good effort.

Theredwonder 7/10 5th
This is good but the flow stumbles along a bit. Content is decent and particulary some nice wording for your chorus. Not so much of an outstanding piece but nothing to be ashamed of either.

Fatt Sorum 3/10 15th
This seems a rushed effort. Not spectacular and not very inspiring. You need to focus a lot more effort in your lyrics.

Jason101 6.9/10 6th
Interesting title and the content is well... interesting to to say the least. hmm, "microcosm" stands out for the wrong reasons and I find it a bit awkward in contrast to the rest of the piece.

Necroses - Bass 4/10 14th
i get your intention well but it doesn't live up to much. Needs a heck of a lot more effort. Seems like a first draft and the flow is not good and some of your language is not as terrifyingly beautiful as your title makes up to be. Good goth lyrics are chilling, usually depressive and grotesque. This deosn't work up to any of that.

Livingdedboy 6/10 9th
Another political song! I suppose its ok. Some good lines but I've heard it all before and there isn't much in there that stands out. Although written and structured well, content just didn't cut stand out

Captain Pugwash 8/10 3rd
Typical Dopedogesque layout and structure. Very nice song. Everything is smooth, the theme is well portrayed and some nice lines to. "As flasks of frozen tears bottle the pain". Quite an enjoyable read and the italic stanza works too I think.

k.s.e. 9/10 1st
Great. This is a great song. The words just fit together and the emotion is well built. A winner? Quite possibly. Good job

Addicted tochaos 6.5/10 8th
This an ok song but some parts are a bit sketchy and could be revised. The first stanza isn't much of a opener. It's good but I know you can do better.

6945 6.8/10 7th
Interesting topic. Some parts I find a bit out of place but I do like the 3rd stanza. Lots of description which I like and some of the lines are cleverly written. But the piece as a whole doesn't evoke much for me, but i like what you're getting at.

Mango 5/10 12th
Ok this doen't go anywhere really. Just describing something going on in someones head. Fair enough but I get the feeling "is that it?" from your song. Doesn't have to be longer but a sense of direction would be nice

BadpoetryJesus 5.3/10 11th
"Mechanized" just doesn't work in your song IMO. This piece to me is coming off too clever for its own good. It's ok and the topic is alright.

Disco Dragon 7.9/10 4th
I like this a lot. Some parts may be a bit rough here and there but overall this is quite a dramatic piece.

Mine 4.5/10 13th
"phenobarbitone"? What? You use too many words that are just not used in songs. Creative? Yes it is but please try not to delibrately throw people off in your lyrics. It doesn't work for anyone. I just didn't find this that great.

[APartOfMeGetsSore]

RunAmokRampant 1 (8/10 - I really liked this one, the moment i read it i thought "Wow this person's intelligent!")
Coheneran 16 (3/10 - I hate dissing peoples work but i just didn't like this one, it's trying to be bit too clever...)
A Perfect Sonnet 4 (7/10 - Very romantic and pretty, more a poem than a song but it very much appeals to my inner woman!
Theredwonder 6 (7/10 - Sounds almost like something i'd write... Cleverly written methinks!)
Fatt Sorum 14 (4/10 - Just didn't get into it...)
Jason101 2 (8/10 Really liked this one, i could imagine Norma Jean or someone singing it!)
Necroses - Bass 10 (6/10 - Whats a byrnie?????)
Livingdedboy 15 (3/10 - I have discovered i don't like political songs!)
Captain Pugwash 8 (7/10 - Not too shabby at all!)
k.s.e. 5 (7/10 - You people are talented!)
Addicted tochaos 9 (6.5/10 - Some of the lines are better than others, bit rough...)
6945 12 (5.5/10 - Eh... just boring really...)
Mango 13 (5/10 - Didn't like the whole idea of the song. some nice lyrics though...)
BadpoetryJesus 3 (8/10 - Beautious lyrics!)
Disco Dragon 11 (6/10 - Has a really good idea and the last line's good but otherwise it just doesnt grab me!)
Mine 7 (7/10 - Haha, you're mad! Very imaginative!)

[LivingDeadBoy]

Lol. Well thanks everyone ^-^ Some haven't given me a rank though

I guess some other time...

[Necroses-bass]

A byrnie is a suit of armour

2-Run amok rampant 7.5 / 10
9-cohenoran 6.5 / 10
4-A perfect sonnet 7 / 10
12-Theredwonder 5.5 / 10
11-Fatt sorum 5.8 / 10
6-Jason 101 6.5 / 10
15- Livingdeadboy 5.5 / 10
1- Capatain Pugwash 8 / 10
3- KSE 7.5 / 10
7- Addicted tochaos 6.5 / 10
5- 6945 7 / 10
14- mango 5.5 / 10
10- BadpoetryJesus 6.1 / 10
8- Disco dragon 6.9 / 10
13- Mine 5.5 / 10

I've been a bit of a wanker with the marks for the better entries and i was a bit generous for the rest

[k.s.e.]

RunAmokRampant 6.8 / 4
Coheneran 5.0 / 14
A Perfect Sonnet 7.1 / 1
Theredwonder 6.5 / 8
Fatt Sorum 5.2 / 12
Jason101 6.0 / 9
Necroses - Bass 5.7 / 11
Livingdedboy 5.8 / 10
Captain Pugwash 6.7 / 5
Addicted tochaos 7.0 / 2
6945 6.6 / 6
Mango 5.1 / 13
BadpoetryJesus 6.6 / 7
Disco Dragon 6.9 / 3
Mine 4.5 / 15

[ATC]

RunAmokRampant - 5- Good work.

Coheneran - 14 - It's easy to sing, but I think its been done before.

A Perfect Sonnet - 2 - Melikes.

Theredwonder- 11- Nothing stood out too much. Average.

Fatt Sorum - 13- Not good. Though I doubt Matt Sorum himself could come up with anything better.

Jason101 - 9 -I particularly like the ending bit and the chorus part. The rest are eh.

Necroses-Bass -8- I'm going to go with 'Good work. You've improved'. Catchy chorus and all. Hope you have a hot lead singer chick.

Livingdedboy- 12- Clunky. Not well-put together inspite of some good material in parts.

Captain Pugwash- 6- I like. Just a little question. What's an antemath?

kse - 3 -Nothing wrong here.

6945- 4- I particularly like the imagery here.

Mango - 14- Enter Sandman part 2? Not special this time either. Increase the length a little. The flow is good.

BadpoetryJesus - 1- Oooh, sounds like a concept album. Now that I've rediscovered Operation: Mindcrime, I like this a lot.

Disco Dragon - 7- Nice, but it loses something when its right after the song above.

Mine -10- Pop culture referenced okay. Sounds like an upbeat garage band thing. Different, not really. But I'm sure I'd probably give this a listen if it played on the radio.