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12-19-2004, 02:52 AM
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#1 |
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Cornucopian Salacity
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Central New York(round syracuse)
Posts: 140
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Tragedy and Beauty
This is a rather short poem, but its my first of the week and I just wrote it
 Tell me what ya think, as usual, you critique me, I critique you. Tragedy And Beauty Joyous dreams of cornucopian salacity, flowed throughout the waters The suns ray's got jealous, beating down on the forsaken land Heaven’s ducts began to accumulate moisture, and the earth became drenched Dirt spewing from the cracks of the earth, started to bleed thicker God smite us all with a single jolt, forcing natural towers to crack Falling flat, making way for the bridges of heaven and hell The tears subsided and vengeance was abroad, flames lit up the darkened sky The bridges fell to the pits of hell, burning from existence. In the aftermath, a rainbow filled with shades of grey, illuminated, Across the sky... and I thought all tragedy led to beauty, What a misconception Last edited by clichealais; 12-19-2004 at 08:05 AM. |
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12-19-2004, 08:08 AM
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#2 |
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Cornucopian Salacity
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Central New York(round syracuse)
Posts: 140
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I made a few slight modifications
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12-19-2004, 12:25 PM
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#3 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: uk
Posts: 25
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are these lyrics aswell? i think it is very good
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12-19-2004, 05:47 PM
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#4 | |
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We are the hollow men...
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Posts: 943
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Man, I really enjoy reading your work. You always present your topics in an excellent way, and there is normally a very cool twist to it at the end that leaves you in a sort of awe. I can never really find anything seriously wrong with yours. I would have to say that my least favorite lines were these:
Quote:
Anyway keep up the good work. Here's mine if you would: http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=279383 |
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