|12-19-2004, 02:52 AM||#1|
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Central New York(round syracuse)
Tragedy and Beauty
This is a rather short poem, but its my first of the week and I just wrote it Tell me what ya think, as usual, you critique me, I critique you.
Tragedy And Beauty
Joyous dreams of cornucopian salacity, flowed throughout the waters
The suns ray's got jealous, beating down on the forsaken land
Heavenís ducts began to accumulate moisture, and the earth became drenched
Dirt spewing from the cracks of the earth, started to bleed thicker
God smite us all with a single jolt, forcing natural towers to crack
Falling flat, making way for the bridges of heaven and hell
The tears subsided and vengeance was abroad, flames lit up the darkened sky
The bridges fell to the pits of hell, burning from existence.
In the aftermath, a rainbow filled with shades of grey, illuminated,
Across the sky... and I thought all tragedy led to beauty,
What a misconception
Last edited by clichealais; 12-19-2004 at 08:05 AM.
|12-19-2004, 05:47 PM||#4|
We are the hollow men...
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Man, I really enjoy reading your work. You always present your topics in an excellent way, and there is normally a very cool twist to it at the end that leaves you in a sort of awe. I can never really find anything seriously wrong with yours. I would have to say that my least favorite lines were these:
Anyway keep up the good work.
Here's mine if you would:
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