Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
Old 10-20-2004, 09:28 AM   #1
Metal G
Garage jams
 
Metal G's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 77
Any name suggestions ?

OK, hi all, this is a song i wrote around 2:30 this morning, The song is sung like something on ..and justice for all....
oh by the way, i need a new name for it, any suggestions?

[text] - means backing vocals


When I look around,
I see debris, death and fear,
Killing is a living,
Loved ones disappear,

[Deceit]
Itís your only friend,
[Deception]
The nightmare never ends,
[Rejection]
Just face it,
Youíre through, yeah heh (through is sang "throoooouuughhh")

When I look at you,
I see lies, emptiness and wealth,
Sorrow is a part of you,
Slowly destroying your health,

[Deceit]
Itís your only friend,
[Deception]
The nightmare never ends,
[Rejection]
Just face it,
Youíre through,

*Slowly fades

No, nothing you can do,
Just face it your through,
Theres nothing, nothing, nothing
[no nothing you can do]
Metal G is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 09:39 AM   #2
thedeadwalk!
I Will Break
 
thedeadwalk!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: O-Town
Posts: 11,582
add another verse or something, maybe "when i look at myself..." you've got a good thing here. 9/10.
thedeadwalk! is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 09:40 AM   #3
thedeadwalk!
I Will Break
 
thedeadwalk!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: O-Town
Posts: 11,582
title: "And You Are?"
thedeadwalk! is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 09:44 AM   #4
Metal G
Garage jams
 
Metal G's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 77
And you are?

ok, how bout this





When I look around,
I see debris, death and fear,
Killing is a living,
Loved ones disappear,

[Deceit]
Itís your only friend,
[Deception]
The nightmare never ends,
[Rejection]
Just face it,
Youíre through,

When I look at you,
I see lies, emptiness and wealth,
Sorrow is a part of you,
Slowly destroying your health,

[Deceit]
Itís your only friend,
[Deception]
The nightmare never ends,
[Rejection]
Just face it,
Youíre through,

When I look at myself,
I see hatred, pain and misery
I cannot move on in life,
Death will set me free,

*Slowly fades

No, nothing you can do,
Just face it your through,
Theres nothing, nothing, nothing
[no nothing you can do]
Metal G is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 02:11 PM   #5
funkywhiteboy
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 48
I think it sounds a lot better. Good use of rhyming and repetition. 8/10.
funkywhiteboy is offline  
Old 10-20-2004, 04:33 PM   #6
thedeadwalk!
I Will Break
 
thedeadwalk!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: O-Town
Posts: 11,582
work on the last verse a bit, sounds like a very direct version of fade to black.
thedeadwalk! is offline  
Old 10-22-2004, 06:27 AM   #7
jameschez
Registered User
 
jameschez's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Cumbria, uk
Posts: 362
i really like it!
Deceit]
Itís your only friend,
[Deception]
The nightmare never ends,
[Rejection]
Just face it,
Youíre through


sounds like a dreamtheater song ive heard (cant recall the name though!)
its really catchy to very metallica like.

No, nothing you can do,
Just face it your through,
Theres nothing, nothing, nothing
[no nothing you can do]

not to sure about this part. i dont like the last line to much use of the same word.

p.s can i steal it??! lol

8/10
jameschez is offline  
 


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 09:38 AM.