Pyramid

mikeyc · 09-12-2004, 08:33 PM

This is a poem i wrote a couple of years back, just wanted some feedback

The skin crumbles before me
Like a piece of sandstone,
Caught between my fingers
And the time of the stars.
To wake from the sleep
Still starved of reality,
Beckoning me back to a place
Far beyond parody.
Make it your way to be like one,
One grain of sand
In the desolate ocean
With which we strive to live
And defeat.
Make it your way,
Make it your way, to be undone,
Undone as the airborne
And the ocean flames.

hurting · 07-11-2005, 12:25 PM

woah, no replies since 2004?

im suprised its a real nice poem. good use of emotive language... real good use of imagery

StrangelyBrewed13 · 07-11-2005, 07:17 PM

Just another example that great poems dot have to rhyme. Please crit mine http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=363660

09-12-2004, 08:33 PM	#1
mikeyc Registered User Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: London - (until uni) Posts: 43	Pyramid This is a poem i wrote a couple of years back, just wanted some feedback The skin crumbles before me Like a piece of sandstone, Caught between my fingers And the time of the stars. To wake from the sleep Still starved of reality, Beckoning me back to a place Far beyond parody. Make it your way to be like one, One grain of sand In the desolate ocean With which we strive to live And defeat. Make it your way, Make it your way, to be undone, Undone as the airborne And the ocean flames.

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07-11-2005, 12:25 PM	#2
hurting Registered User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Greater London Posts: 140	woah, no replies since 2004? im suprised its a real nice poem. good use of emotive language... real good use of imagery

07-11-2005, 07:17 PM	#3
StrangelyBrewed13 This is bat country Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 1,534	Just another example that great poems dot have to rhyme. Please crit mine http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=363660