Music Reviews Music News Register FAQ Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   Music & Musician Forums > Instruments / Vocals > Songwriting & Lyrics

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread
Old 08-30-2004, 07:14 PM   #1
KISSguy
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 63
rate this song on a 1-10 scale, u cant use 0(for my sake)

im been searching for years
and i found myself
been hidden under a paper cut
all my life
ive been wondering for years
and i found the answer
been passed from tree to tree
all my life
ive been running for years
and now i realize
theres been nobody racing me
all my life
ive been drivng for years
and i have been lost
been driving in circles
all my life

where were you
when i was in trouble
all these years
ive been in a black hole
dont know where im going
im just a fly on the wall
i have no direction
but my search is over now

ive been yelling for years
now i hear the echo
been stuck in a valley
all my life
ive been learning for years
and now i know the answers
been a grain of sand
all my life
ive been struggling for years
and now i broke free
been in a straight jacket
all my life
ive been searching for years
and i found myself
been hiding in a paper cut
all my life

where were you
when i was in trouble
all these years
ive been in a black hole
dont know where im going
im just a fly on the wall
i have no direction
but my search is over now
yeah my search is over now




also what would be a good name for it?
KISSguy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-30-2004, 07:39 PM   #2
cashay350
Registered User
 
cashay350's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: The Great state of NC
Posts: 611
All My Life,.... thats what Id call it. I can see this as a Dylan, Seger kind of song with jsut an acoustic. Id say 7 or 8, I liekd the verses but not the black hole part. Dont know y
cashay350 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-30-2004, 08:26 PM   #3
Blue Light Special
Walmart Security
 
Blue Light Special's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 306
Verses good, the chorus could use some work. Nice structure. Nice flow. Good word usage and imagery. You have a good song going for you.

I like the "All my life" suggestion for a song.

I personally heard a rolling stones song in my head. But dylan, seger was also a good suggestion.
Blue Light Special is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-07-2005, 11:32 PM   #4
KISSguy
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 63
this is an old post, but i had to look it up bcause i lost my lirics i originally wrote down, and i noticed somebody didnt like the black hole part. what that part meant is all these years, ive been lost and alone, and not able to escape, like getting sucked into a black hole, i coulda used quicksand, but black hole flows smoother adn rhymes.
KISSguy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-08-2005, 01:33 AM   #5
Skizzzo
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 9
K, first off do not listen to Blue Light because apparently he cannot recognize good literature when he reads it.

Your Chorus is good
Your Verses suck hard core.... Period

I'm currently taking a philosophy class in which I have to decipher writings of Aristotle which prove easier than reading this garbage. This doesn't make sense, grammaticly and structuraly. Just read what you wrote. I'm not even going to take the time to edit this, Re-submit a non****ty version please.


This is a rough rough rough rough rough rough rough rough rough draft.
Skizzzo is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:36 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.