Should i confess?!?! (PLEASE CRIT!!!!)

feedthegods666 · 08-10-2004, 08:03 AM

*alright, this is a song i wrote for my girlfriend BEFORE she was my girlfriend. its not somr sh1tty emo fvcked up love song. this is real. and i think a lot of people can relate to this*

++The chorus is song like "Duality"-Slipknot and the verses are like "Everything Ends"-SlipKnot++

I'm sorry if i cant write poetry for you
I'm sorry if you cant forgive the pain ive been thru
You have chains on my wrists i cant ever leave
Everytime i try to believe i want to secede

Should i confess my love
and kill myself 3 months from now
I just need you to know
and this is the only way i know how

I'm dragged out inside and i can never see light
Your face in my eyes i can not sleep tonight
This is the last time ill try to die for you
Cuz if i die or live, either way im screwed

I cant let you go you're glued to my hand
if you ask suicide, id die for your every command
youre the only one who takes me seriously
and ill fight an entire war for you fearlessly

Should i confess my love
and kill myself 3 months from now
I just need you to know
and this is the only way i know how

How many times have i said i left you behind
im all torn up inside cuz theres no more love to find
But it would end up in flames after all my tries
youd leave me set me free and im the one who dies

I can already feel my wrists bleed ahead in time
when its actually over and you arent mine
so i tear myself to wonder if its worth death
to love you now but youre my last breath

feedthegods666 · 08-10-2004, 04:49 PM

anyone?!?!!? this has been on like ALL DAY and i havent gotten anyone

theredwonder · 08-10-2004, 05:11 PM

yeh, feel this song. i wrote a couple not long ago on pretty much exactly the same state of affairs. i think the fact that you want it to be sung like slipknot should get you a slap, and slagging off emo a back hander... but thats just a personal preference. some of the rhyme a little forced, other lines **** good. overall 8/10.

crit this if u wud... oh bugger it i cnt b arsed gettin a link, its called 'calculated confessions'

feedthegods666 · 08-10-2004, 05:17 PM

ill try to find it

soapgun155 · 08-10-2004, 05:22 PM

good job 8/10 - ur lyrics are pretty good it feels like i feel em lol

keep it up now here's mine http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=221400

Baodegoth · 08-10-2004, 06:00 PM

yep i can relate to them...i have something like this(who hasn't?). so, i think you pulled this off very well, it's something that everyone writes about but you made it diferent very well done.

7.5-8/10 somewhere in between

---------------------
could you crit this? thank you:
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=221273

still_ur_heart · 08-10-2004, 07:24 PM

I dont feel them cause personally I dont like the harsh words like screwed and the morbid vibe it gives off. BUT I do really think That you put work into it and it really is you, so...GOOD FOR YOU! if you would like to check out mine, it would mean alot to me, even if you dont like my vibes hahahaha its on the thread call "a little ditty I like to call Shine Through" ...please go cause I dont think anyone else wil lol LADE

still_ur_heart · 08-10-2004, 07:25 PM

OH OH OH! SORRY heeeeey I'm really likin the last line. I re-read it and man, that was like...hey thats cool.

feedthegods666 · 08-10-2004, 08:31 PM

as i said at the top, this isnt some happy little "i love you" emo song, its harsh, its morbid, its scary. but thats the way it is

fisQar · 08-10-2004, 08:40 PM

The whole suicide part seemed fairly interesting, how about you try it?

feedthegods666 · 08-10-2004, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fisQar

The whole suicide part seemed fairly interesting, how about you try it?

...wow....dude...you're just a complete @sshole!!! what the FVCK is your problem?!

feedthegods666 · 08-10-2004, 08:43 PM

you know what...you dont even deserve to be called "dude"
you suck **** mo'fo

fisQar · 08-10-2004, 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feedthegods666

...wow....dude...you're just a complete @sshole!!! what the FVCK is your problem?!

You is my ****ing problem, stop writing ****ty lyrics, or you might aswell kill yourself. The world doesn't need another spatula who pretends to be emotional, who pretends that he knows anything about love, who pretends that he knows jack **** about life, and who thinks he has it all figured out. **** off already.

feedthegods666 · 08-10-2004, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fisQar

You is my ****ing problem, stop writing ****ty lyrics, or you might aswell kill yourself. The world doesn't need another spatula who pretends to be emotional, who pretends that he knows anything about love, who pretends that he knows jack **** about life, and who thinks he has it all figured out. **** off already.

wow...i never knew there could be such fvcked up unemotional stupid motherfvcking @ssholes in the world!
you dont FVCKING KNOW ME!?!?!?
so stop pretending you do

fisQar · 08-10-2004, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feedthegods666

wow...i never knew there could be such fvcked up unemotional stupid motherfvcking @ssholes in the world!
you dont FVCKING KNOW ME!?!?!?
so stop pretending you do

Oh, I know you alright. Your type is flooding the streets, spreading their filth. You're all the same. You disgust me.

feedthegods666 · 08-10-2004, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fisQar

Oh, I know you alright. Your type is flooding the streets, spreading their filth. You're all the same. You disgust me.

wow, i really cant wait until the mods see some of this bullsh1t....

fisQar · 08-10-2004, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feedthegods666

wow, i really cant wait until the mods see some of this bullsh1t....

Are they going to ban me for stating my opinion? Ever heard of free speech?

feedthegods666 · 08-10-2004, 08:54 PM

just read the motherfvcking rules, you cant be a complete @sshole and expect to not get banned. ive sed this a BILLION times
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM!!!

fisQar · 08-10-2004, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feedthegods666

just read the motherfvcking rules, you cant be a complete @sshole and expect to not get banned. ive sed this a BILLION times
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM!!!

I clearly pointed out exactly what I thought was the best part of the song, doesn't that seem constructive to you?

feedthegods666 · 08-10-2004, 08:59 PM

it was sarcasm you stupid fvck

08-10-2004, 08:03 AM	#1
feedthegods666 JON DAVIS > EVERYONE ELSE Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: right behind you....TURN AROUND!!! Posts: 1,601	Should i confess?!?! (PLEASE CRIT!!!!) alright, this is a song i wrote for my girlfriend BEFORE she was my girlfriend. its not somr sh1tty emo fvcked up love song. this is real. and i think a lot of people can relate to this ++The chorus is song like "Duality"-Slipknot and the verses are like "Everything Ends"-SlipKnot++ I'm sorry if i cant write poetry for you I'm sorry if you cant forgive the pain ive been thru You have chains on my wrists i cant ever leave Everytime i try to believe i want to secede Should i confess my love and kill myself 3 months from now I just need you to know and this is the only way i know how I'm dragged out inside and i can never see light Your face in my eyes i can not sleep tonight This is the last time ill try to die for you Cuz if i die or live, either way im screwed I cant let you go you're glued to my hand if you ask suicide, id die for your every command youre the only one who takes me seriously and ill fight an entire war for you fearlessly Should i confess my love and kill myself 3 months from now I just need you to know and this is the only way i know how How many times have i said i left you behind im all torn up inside cuz theres no more love to find But it would end up in flames after all my tries youd leave me set me free and im the one who dies I can already feel my wrists bleed ahead in time when its actually over and you arent mine so i tear myself to wonder if its worth death to love you now but youre my last breath

08-10-2004, 05:11 PM	#3
theredwonder RAWR! Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: In a little place called Home Posts: 3,436	yeh, feel this song. i wrote a couple not long ago on pretty much exactly the same state of affairs. i think the fact that you want it to be sung like slipknot should get you a slap, and slagging off emo a back hander... but thats just a personal preference. some of the rhyme a little forced, other lines **** good. overall 8/10. crit this if u wud... oh bugger it i cnt b arsed gettin a link, its called 'calculated confessions' Last edited by theredwonder; 08-10-2004 at 05:18 PM.

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08-10-2004, 04:49 PM	#2
feedthegods666 JON DAVIS > EVERYONE ELSE Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: right behind you....TURN AROUND!!! Posts: 1,601	anyone?!?!!? this has been on like ALL DAY and i havent gotten anyone

08-10-2004, 05:17 PM	#4
feedthegods666 JON DAVIS > EVERYONE ELSE Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: right behind you....TURN AROUND!!! Posts: 1,601	ill try to find it

08-10-2004, 05:22 PM	#5
soapgun155 \m/_ V _\m/ Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 584	good job 8/10 - ur lyrics are pretty good it feels like i feel em lol keep it up now here's mine http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=221400

08-10-2004, 06:00 PM	#6
Baodegoth Registered User Join Date: May 2004 Location: Lisbon, PORTUGAL Posts: 638	yep i can relate to them...i have something like this(who hasn't?). so, i think you pulled this off very well, it's something that everyone writes about but you made it diferent very well done. 7.5-8/10 somewhere in between --------------------- could you crit this? thank you: http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=221273

08-10-2004, 07:24 PM	#7
still_ur_heart I'd Hit That.... Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Indepedence, va Posts: 132	I dont feel them cause personally I dont like the harsh words like screwed and the morbid vibe it gives off. BUT I do really think That you put work into it and it really is you, so...GOOD FOR YOU! if you would like to check out mine, it would mean alot to me, even if you dont like my vibes hahahaha its on the thread call "a little ditty I like to call Shine Through" ...please go cause I dont think anyone else wil lol LADE

08-10-2004, 07:25 PM	#8
still_ur_heart I'd Hit That.... Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Indepedence, va Posts: 132	OH OH OH! SORRY heeeeey I'm really likin the last line. I re-read it and man, that was like...hey thats cool.

08-10-2004, 08:31 PM	#9
feedthegods666 JON DAVIS > EVERYONE ELSE Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: right behind you....TURN AROUND!!! Posts: 1,601	as i said at the top, this isnt some happy little "i love you" emo song, its harsh, its morbid, its scary. but thats the way it is

08-10-2004, 08:40 PM	#10
fisQar Stop annoying me spatula Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 944	The whole suicide part seemed fairly interesting, how about you try it?

08-10-2004, 08:43 PM	#12
feedthegods666 JON DAVIS > EVERYONE ELSE Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: right behind you....TURN AROUND!!! Posts: 1,601	you know what...you dont even deserve to be called "dude" you suck **** mo'fo

08-10-2004, 08:54 PM	#18
feedthegods666 JON DAVIS > EVERYONE ELSE Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: right behind you....TURN AROUND!!! Posts: 1,601	just read the motherfvcking rules, you cant be a complete @sshole and expect to not get banned. ive sed this a BILLION times CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM!!!

08-10-2004, 08:59 PM	#20
feedthegods666 JON DAVIS > EVERYONE ELSE Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: right behind you....TURN AROUND!!! Posts: 1,601	it was sarcasm you stupid fvck