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#1 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 58
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Conformity
Fall In Line
Environmentalists concerning The forests still burning Out of time Elections engineered In the only country feared (chorus) The rain falls from the sky And burns through my skin The world's afraid to fly From failed response within The sun still shines above us But lights up the feild of war Half the world against us Because our leader wants more Pick with us we'll f.ck with you Crash our planes we'll fight First Afghanistan now Iraqis too We won't stop till the world's alight Screwed our world Acid rain's burning Corruption's all we're learning Forget our schools We're more worried about our pledge Then with what the teacher says *Chorus* The world's shot you can't deny There's just no coming back Our oil reserves in short supply So now we'll f.ck Iraq Confusion sowed by TV Can't tell what's fake, what's right It's getting so hard to see Like someone turned out the light *chorus* The sun still shines in the morning rain And looks on a new day The world leaders start to wake again To disease and disarray But it's a new day And maybe there's still hope And it's a new day And maybe there's still hope Maybe there's still hope And maybe there's still hope I wrote this song right before i went to bed... it just seemed to flow off the tip of my tongue. I like it, personally, so i'll see how you all do as well... sorry for the F-words... ![]() Thanks in advance! |
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#2 |
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Wanted:God-Dead or Alive
Join Date: May 2004
Location: poor ****hole, connecticut
Posts: 1,831
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I don't care for political stuff but I'll try to put that aside...
Up until ... "Pick with us we'll f.ck with you Crash our planes we'll fight First Afghanistan now Iraqis too We won't stop till the world's alight" ...I thought it was pretty good, but this part really... kills the mood. For a political type song you do good not being too preachy and sh.it in the beginning. When I read this I almost died laughing... it brings the whole piece down a notch. I wouldn't even edit it, I'd just delete IMO. "Our oil reserves in short supply, So now we'll f.ck Iraq" ---more of that preachy crap. i really dislike this part. "The world leaders start to wake again, To disease and disarray" ---I'd get rid of again for flow's sake. I think you should do a better more climactic ending. Not bad considering it's not really my style. 7/10 |
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#3 |
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Catching Jem.
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Vienna, A
Posts: 92
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oy what's with all the bullsh.it?
whatever |
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#4 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: somewhere your not
Posts: 568
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it becomes extremly forced around the 6th stanza, and loses what flow it did have. also words such as enviromentalists, engineered and afganistan need to ba taken out. they just dont belong in a song like this, and if you could put it to music and make it work i would be very surprised. also a thesaurus might come in handy.
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#5 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 41
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hmmm.............
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