"Love Bites" lyrics about a vixen!! the ultimate black widow! erm, i love you!

[JohnnyTrash]

these lyrics are basically about a black widow (girl, not the spider) erm, i dont know how to describe it other than my best efforts, i suppose, neways plz tell me wot u think, once again, i love you...seriously, u know i do...i can see you sitting at ur computer screen...erm, im not out side....just dont CALL THE POLICE!!! *runs away flapping arms*.......just crit this please lol

****************************

"Love Bites"

ooh, in her eyes
youre the knight in armour
youre the one on her lips
she drinks your blood
in a shower of love
with a deadly, deadly kiss

youre just a man
she holds your heart
on a piece of string
and all you can do
is close your eyes
close your mind, dont let her in

ooh, dont be surprised
youre her prey, all alone
as she swoops in for the kill
tangled on her web
youll plead for your life
if youre unable to thrill

(pre)
it seems to me
im losing sanity

(chorus)
why does love bite?
(LOVE BITES, LOVE BITES!)
oh why does love bite?
(LOVE BITES, LOVE BITES!)
i need your love
i need your love
(LOVE BITES, LOVE BITES!)
i need her love
i need her love

ooh, sees through your lies
she detects the pain
she knows where it hurts
she'll come for you
in the midnight hour
watch her place a curse

(bridge)
we've got fiends
and queens
a black widow
she feels your pain
when love and hates the same

(pre)
it seems to me
im losing sanity

(chorus)
why does love bite?
(LOVE BITES, LOVE BITES!)
oh why does love bite?
(LOVE BITES, LOVE BITES!)
i need your love
i need your love
(LOVE BITES, LOVE BITES!)
i need her love
i need her love

(solo)
(pre)
(chorus)

[nightshade2600]

great song, the only thing i would change is that all of the verses dont rhyme except this one.

ooh, dont be surprised
youre her prey, all alone
as she swoops in for the kill
tangled on her web
youll plead for your life
if youre unable to thrill

its always best to stick to a pattern, and i like all the other verses as they are, so you might want to change that so it doesnt rhyme. nice song though! good flow and straightforward. 7.5/10

[JohnnyTrash]

thanks for the feed back, very much appreciated, ill try and change that verse, thansk for the tip

7.5 thanks very much!

[nightshade2600]

yeah, no problem, crit 'will she be missed?' if you dont mind, id appreciate that.

[JohnnyTrash]

okies, no probz, ill do it now, once again, thanks for the crit

[JohnnyTrash]

ne more crits? plz, ill be your bestest friend in the whole wide world!!! *puppy dog eyes*

[RunawayAmbulance]

I like, but like he said that one verse rhymes kinda sticks out, catchy though. For some reason this sounds like a 80's rock, and that's not a bad thing, to me at least. AC/DC! I love it and its refreshing to at least see (solo.) I also like how it sorta climaxes into the solo. If you can't tell I'm more of a guitarist and it sounds alot better when you build up into a solo and let the guitar tell some. Great lyrics though.

[JohnnyTrash]

yes, ur exactly right 80s rock, i was thinking early motley crue , well the voice and guitar any ways (mick mars on guitar and vince neil singing)....the song does very much so build up into a guitar solo, its hard to explain but ur along the right lines, thansk for the crit

[JohnnyTrash]

ne more crits? no? rite then....im in a huff with youse all!!!!...youse are veryy bad people, *cries*.......i cant belive you would do that....*as stroppy teenager* "YOULL BE SORRY WHEN IM DEAD!!" lol, nah...not really, lol, just crit the **** song lol

[obticalillusionstrikes]

i love everthing about the song but maybe it just me tonite im kinda nursing a hangover it seems but im having trouble with the imagiery but ill check tomorrow and see how i am but from what i can clearly read i love the lyrics and i can picture some real good power chords in the backround and wow i can see a really good song

please crit my song enemy in diguise totally revised

[Thevermiciousknid]

Finally, some fun, alice coopery/acdcy lyrics, I like that some people arent afraid to post rock n roll lyrics in a forum dominated by people who are going all dylan thomas on us (im sorry, i love dylan thomas)
keep on writing rockin' tunes (<---sounds so cheesy)

please crit "why do trees try to reach the sun?"

[RunawayAmbulance]

I feel like I should know... but whos dylan thomas? Now I'm sure some guys gonna come in and call me a D-bag now.

[JohnnyTrash]

thanks very much for all your crits, thanks for the feedback, ill take everything into consideration

[JohnnyTrash]

ne more crits to come? plzzzzz, im agud gud boy, i just need a new toy...girls girls girls.....soz, i got side tracked.....againnnn!!! plz crit my work, thank u ppl of musician forums!!

[JohnnyTrash]

plz crit this work, i beg u madam/master plz for the love of motley crue!!! lol, plz crit this plz plz plz

[selftaughtbassist]

I like the lyrics, despite the fact that they are not my prefered style and theme at all. I can see where you were going. On a smaller, completely irrelevant note, please type in a slightly more sophisticated manner.
Evan

[clinically_insane]

well i've been cruisin around the forum and can i just say WOW this is ****in fab i love it and i can really see the crue influence i wish people wrote more songs like this well done 10/10