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Old 04-22-2012, 06:52 PM   #1
Chinese Takeout
Azn.'s Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 114
Question Eh how are these?

As the year ages and I do the same,
I realize the emptiness that is my life so far.
And although itís not the years in your life that count,
I havenít had much life in my years.
I seem to keep forgetting that I have a soul too!
But do I really, or is it just a reflection of my previous illusion?
See, the doubts, they surface on my brain
Like debris from a shipwreck.
Iíll salvage what I can, but I retain no delusions.
Mockery be damned, Iíve been seldom applauded.
Too many staring eyes and not a single ovation to give me solace.
So Iíll bury my efforts and hide under the sky,
Because how can one run from the sky?
Donít wait for me, just pass me by.
Iím barely passing by myself.
But I need to stand for as long as I can.
Because I havenít had many years in my life.
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Old 05-05-2012, 02:36 PM   #2
Too Mainstream
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 8
I can't say these lyrics are good or bad, honestly. The concept is good, but the execution is a little awry. It's well and good to state your message straight-out, but I feel the simile "...the doubts, they surface on my brain / like debris from a shipwreck" doesn't add much to your piece except a sense of forced poetic wording. Try constructing your lyrics around a single metaphor or a few closely-related ones.
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