[Bartender]

[not part of the real review]
Here's a short track-by-track review, both for people who are too lazy to read through my actual review, and because like I say it's impossible to give a decent idea of the music without going track-by-track. What's left of the review will continue afterwards.

1 - Common People (4:40)
I've already used the word, but "bombastic" is the best way to describe this, a power-pop cover of Pulp's Britpop anthem. I don't know how well known it is outside of Britain, but it's one of the songs that just seems to be known here. The main problem, for me, with the original by Pulp is that it's by Pulp. Pulp, or Jarviss Cocker to be specific, always annoyed me, so although the original Common People was good, I far prefer this one. Shatner's off-beat, sometimes ahead, sometimes behind delivery of Cocker's lyrics is perfect. There are some differences, though - for example, Shatner's take on the line "You wanna sleep with common people like me?" is incredulous, rather than sarcastic as the original is, and his American accent on "bath" clashes with Joe Jackson's cockney-accented "laugh" (Jackson does back-up and chorus vocals, since the chorus here really does require singing, and Shatner doesn't sing), but overall it's a great cover. Add in a couple of dozen people for a spontaneous "common people's choir" for the chorus, and it's an awesome, high-energy, catchy song. Perfect. Until the very end of the album, though, it's the only real "song".

2 - It Hasn't Happened Yet (3:49)
The perfect antidote to Common People's avalanche of enthusiasm. This is a slow, depression-tinged piece about the lack of comfort/serenity he hasn't found, but that he feels he should have, what with being 73. If I had to assign a musical style to it, I'd suppose "lounge jazz" would just about do it. Features some nice piano from Folds, incidentally.

3 - You'll Have Time (5:18)
This is again slow, and this time features a gospel choir, as well as Joe Jackson's other contribution to the record, on piano (Folds takes up the Wurlitzer organ for this one). It's one of the more obviously humourous tracks, with the chorus line "you're gonna die", but it's not entirely light-hearted. More tongue-in-cheek, and there's the pervading sense of mortality which crops up throughout much of the album, presumably because it's William Shatner's album, and he's aware he's not long for this world. If anything, it's overlong, but otherwise it's another winner.

4 - That's Me Trying (3:48)
Shatner's vocal rhythm makes another star appearance here, in the only song which is in now way anything to do with him. It's written by Nick Hornby (the author, of High Fidelity/About a Boy/etc), set to music by Folds, and is in the style of a letter written by an estranged father to this (now) 40-year old daughter, who he hasn't seen for 20 years. It's very well done, and catchy (the chorus singing provided by Ben Folds and Aimee Mann, in Mann's only appearance on the album).

5 - What Have You Done? (1:46)
Covered adequately in the rest of the review.

6 - Together (5:39)
This is more or less the complete opposite of the previous track. From minimalist spoken word about the untimely death of his previous wife, to cryptic utterings to his current wife (cryptic in that they are, I think, only supposed to make sense to her; we're given no context). I think this is the only track which Folds has nothing to do with, other than presumably getting the musicians in. The musicians in question are the UK's own Lemon Jelly, who construct the summery, feel-good backing music from their instruments and lots of programming.

7 - Familiar Love (4:00)
This is one of two tracks that form a sort of slight mid-album slump. They're not bad at all, I just don't like them so much as I do the rest of them, though since I tend to just listen through the whole album whenever I listen to it anyway, that hardly matters. Again slow, lounge jazz in style, though this time upbeat, it's another song to his wife, Elizabeth, basically takling the point of view that over-familiarity is a good thing. It's incredibly cheesy, but I'm not complaining.

8 - Ideal Woman (2:23)
This is a more upbeat song, in a sort of sleazy swing style, again about his wife, this time telling her all the things he likes about her, and the occasional thing he could do without. Short and fun.

9 - Has Been (2:18)
Now, this is short and genius. The title track is in the style of a spaghetti western, Rawhide-style theme song. Here, Shatner fully embraces the phrase "has been", and dances around with it, ridiculing the three bandito characters he invents to represent the naysayers he gets, the armchair psychologists who constantly take the michael. And it's just awesome.

10 - I Can't Get Behind That (3:00)
Henry Rollins and Shatner both come up with a list of complaints about growing old and the modern world to have a shouting match about, while Adrian Belew makes abstract, car engine-imitating noises with his guitar in the background. "'Lifetime guarantee'? Whose lifetime? Not mine, I haven't that much time left" wins the Best Complaint Competition, but it's a very close thing.

11 - Real (3:08)
Written by Brad Paisley, a fairly poppy country music musician. Poppy he may be, but he's actually a pretty good guitarist, and has a really good voice. This is probably my favourite song on the album, as, without mentioning the name of that most famous of star captains, Shatner firmly and finally tells his fans that he is not that character, never was, never will be. This features more excellent piano from Folds, excellent guitar work and singing from Paisley, and an excellent performance from Bill himself, but there's just something else there, too. I don't know what. I just know that this is just one of the world's actually perfect songs.

[/not part of the real review]

Now, brace yourself. The rating is coming up soon ("hurrah!", I hear you say, "the end is in sight!"..I understand. It's been a long review, and I bet you're tired), but that's not really important. Something like this is impossible to rate in the traditional sense, in the way that most of the albums reviewed here are rated. Like most things that are really unique, there's no basis for it, no point of reference; like a covers album, it's down to each persons individual standing as to whether they like it. There isn't, indeed there can't be, any absolute. The thing is, though, you have to hear it. Just have to. I'm not trying to say that the music itself is necessarily mind-blowing, or (with the exception of What Have You Done) particularly moving or special, but the album as a whole is the sound of someone who feels he's coming to the end of his life, and so is trying to leave something behind, whilst sorting out a few loose ends to his life in his mind, and of course having tremendous fun doing it all, and the result is that, in the same way as Johnny Cash's unbelievable rendition of Hurt, you just have to. It's inexplicable. All I know is that somehow, against (it must be said) pretty much every odd there can be, William Shatner (with a little help from his friends) has pulled off the album of the year .

5/5