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Old 10-20-2005, 07:45 PM   #5
ATC
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Vancouver, BC
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How To Be A Better Writer / Critique Walkthrough (READ BEFORE POSTING)

AN ADVANCED SONGWRITING GUIDE
- Caleb D.

Now I've noticed a lot of people have had issues developing imagery, metaphor and mood in their work. So here's a practical guide to getting started fixing some of those things. Please note that this is not intended for people who are trying to write very basic songs. I shall start with the use of Line breaks, sound devices and syntax before moving on to simple exercises to help with the larger questions.

Concept 1: Line breaks

Most people don't think twice about where they break their lines. It's generally assumed that it happens at the end of the idea or where grammar demands it. People forget that line breaking can help create both interest and ambiguity. As a songwriter, line breaking forces innovation and improves your melodic sense. As an example, I shall use Mx's Benjamin Lee South's song that was on the first page yesterday.

Now we watch our children's children eat away at their arms,
trying to escape approval. We don't live up to expectations
just to be looked down upon. We are cunning and smart.

Specifically, look at the last line. We are cunning and smart. It tells you the obvious, that the narrator's group is both cunning and smart. Now the word smart by itself can also mean hurt. Eg: Oww, that smarts. I'm sure eating away at arms is not a pleasant exercise and must hurt. So, breaking the line would help convey two ideas.

Just to be looked down upon. We are cunning and
Smart. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Benjamin has now introduced two ideas. He has created ambiguity as to which meaning is right, allowing the reader a chance to think for themselves as well as created interest. Cunning and..? Leaving the reader hanging makes the reader want to go on to the next line just so they know what the entire thought was.

Concept 2: Sound devices and rhyme

We're songwriters here, right? We deal in sound. I'm not asking you to count syllables here and rhyme continuously, but be aware of alliterations and sounds and other things that are only obvious when read aloud. For example, your piece is about snakes. Snakes hisss. Now you can easily assocaite a sound to a snake- the -sss. Use alliteration to get the -ss sound where you want it, for the right feel.
eg: Silver serpent, I know you slide so carelessly around sober answers.
Or whatever. Just as long as you got the general feel.

So the first rule of thumb is : Read your piece aloud so you can connect it further to your theme. One of the best things you can do in song is to use internal rhyme and half rhyme instead of obvious full rhymes. I'm sure you've already managed to rhyme 'heart' and 'apart'. Have you managed to rhyme 'apart' and uproar yet? One way to make these kind of rhymes work is to split it into its constituent syllables. Apart can be deconstructed to ap-art. Now instead of rhyming them together, rhyme just ap or art. Lots of possibilities are now open. If you're concentrating on syllable two 'art' then 'artistry', 'ortodonist' etc can be used. Again, depending on how you're singing it, you might stress the beginning, middle or end of the phrase 'art'. Now rhyme something that corresponds to aaaa, arrrrr, rrrrrt or ttttuh. The possibilities are endless. Dont restrict yourself to the limited full-rhymes that anyone, even your 3 year old baby sister can come up with.

Concept 3: Syntax

Another common problem songwriters have is that they feel forced to use grammar at its most basic. Remember that language is meant to convey messages, not serve the rules of syntax. This often ruins flow. Most often, what ruins your flow is not the big words you use but the little words you feel obligated to use, like 'with', 'and', 'but', 'had' and 'like'. No one disputes that its impeccable English to use those but dont feel like you have to.

Consider this: You are an icon with impeccable grammar and your diction makes me feel how it must be to speak in tongues with Gods.

You'd think it would be worse for flow to use words like impeccable and diction but the line is much improved if you simplified it and used your punctuation rather than words. Additional ideas come after punctuation, that's a good thing to keep in mind.

Now consider the same thing:

You are an icon, impeccable grammar, your
diction makes me feel
how it must be to speak in tongues
with Gods.

Elimination of the unnecessary words and line breaking helped this flow and gave it a sense of melody. Which one would you rather sing? Remember that if you have an idea in mind and you think the words are too complex, its always best to look at the small words surrounding it. They're the base. Fix it and you can have your space to do what you want.


Note: Benjamin Lee South's poem was used here without permission. I will ask him for it as soon as I can.

Last edited by ATC; 10-20-2005 at 07:48 PM.
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