[Disco Dragon]

7th DFelon – I liked the idea of you being the creator of this person and writing it from that vantage point. It’s an interesting setup. However, it lacks an emotional connection that I would expect from someone who has just put all their effort into creating another person. Almost like you lacked emotion while creating this song. If you had toned down the dry language, it might have helped. NOTE: Thanks for clarifying. Bumped ranking a notch.

3rd Bowl of oranges – My first feeling is that you wanted to get the challenge word out of the way, and it shows, because “feral” seems very out of place in the opening line. Getting that qualm out of the way, I actually enjoyed this quite a bit. What I really liked was the contrast in imagery that you have in there. You go from this cold, emotionless setting with the “thug” (ack, bad choice of words) and then to this peaceful, serene, beach setting. It’s a good contrast. Good imagery all around, actually.

10th ITRIEDVOODOOONCE – Don’t really know what to make of this one. I do mildly like the behind closed doors aspect of human nature that you centered this around. But all in all, it was a little too, as you said in your song, mundane in the tone that you took with it. I would have expected, and wanted, something more primal as far as imagery went. But for what it was, you had a good idea and a couple good lines in there too.

14th Necroses-bass – Adapting anything for lyrics is always a tough thing to do, so I would give you points for trying. However, it doesn’t feel so much like an adaptation as it does a synopsis/condensed version of the bible verses. I think that’s mainly due to the language that you used. It sounds like it was written during the time when the actual Bible was written, and that’s no good for a song. I really disliked the last (I guess you could call it) stanza. Again, not good for a song.

2nd RunAmokRampant – I don’t think I’ve ever seen a song about the KKK on here before. Interesting though. There were a lot of good stand-alone lines in here that also helped the piece as a whole. “Reciting what they think” and the following line…those are genius. It started off kind of slow, but it gradually picked up to be quite a solid piece.

1st Bisnotch – Honestly, that is one of the better songs I have ever read in these challenges. I was not expecting that from the title. Wow, you really need to change that title. It was definitely a rant, but it was such a well-worded and thought out rant that it’s tough to say anything bad about it. I could tell it was truthful, and it was from the heart, which is somewhat of a rarity. My only qualm is that some parts ran on a bit too much, and repeated ideas that you had used previously, only with different wording.

9th Corupt – Man, oh man, this started off pretty terribly. The 1st and 2nd stanzas made me cringe in their mediocrity. It picks up a little bit after that, and you actually get something pretty decent going towards the end. Actually, the end is about the only thing I thoroughly enjoyed. Nice little twist. Other than that, it was a decidedly average song about a girl.

13th JaveryAM – This one seems to go nowhere for the general portion of the song. It’s about sloth, but that’s really about as far as it gets. So I could have gotten everything I needed from the title, and not even read the actual song. I guess there is an undertone of rising against the system, but it’s not prevalent enough to sustain the song. Some decent lines thrown in here and there, but nothing that sticks out.

6th addicted_tochaos - Now that I get the idea behind this for the most part, it helps a little. But just a little. I still think throwing 'cos' in there is a lazy way to try and keep the flow of the lines going together. Anyways, I think you had a neat idea with the movie thing, but it didn’t really hold my interest. A little too bland. Thanks for clarifying the "accidental savior" thing too.

11th puredemocracy - I can see that this holds a lot of emotional attachment for you, and because of that I’ll try not to be too harsh. The rhyming is a little lackluster in most parts, and overly simple. Actually, that pretty much sums up the whole song. Not necessarily a bad thing, because of the context. But if this was intended to only be a personal song for yourself and not meant for anyone else to read, it would be one thing, but because you entered it into the challenge, I think you need to broaden it. The word choice was a little too much like “Hey, do you remember the time we…?” Again, overly simple.

5th machinegunfunk - I have mixed feelings over this entire thing. On one hand, it seems preachy and too literal. But on the other, I see some truth in what is being said, so that almost overrides the previous qualms I had. Almost. I think the “double chin” and “bloated stomach” lines are incredibly fitting. Some are a little bit more obscure. I really liked the last 3 lines. It’s one of the few instances where repetition has made an impact on the overall song, rather than detract from it. Still, it would have been better had it not come off as preachy.

4th Dancin' Man - Good job crossing this over. Done much better than the other religious song I read. I liked the short stanzas, because it made it feel more like a conversation, but not so much that it took away from it being a song. The repetition of “Oh poor sons” was also a nice touch. I didn’t like the repetition at the end though. But I guess it did sum it up all right.

12th zer0gauge - This is a pretty general “breaking free” song, without much depth. Simple, overused rhymes, with very little substance. I see a lot of anti-establishment trying to work itself through in your chorus, but it just doesn’t connect with me that well. Try expressing your angst/dissidence in more creative ways.

-- Crimsonpunk - I didn't see the challenge word anywhere in here. Oh well, your song wasn't very good anyways.

8th SubtleDagger - The first thing I noticed is that you actually had intentional rhymes in your song. I think now maybe I see your point when you tell me that rhyming takes away from my songs, because that’s exactly what happened here, unfortunately. Especially in the last stanza. Ack. The rest wasn’t too bad, but that part really seems forced. I do like the imagery you give with the “picture’s worth a thousand words” lines. Even though that is a tiresome expression, which this piece seems to be dripping with. The “writing a letter for a song” idea is also way overused around here. Oh well, still an alright song.