[Bigbadbob]

since the A-holes I work for are such A-holes and know absolutly everything about everything...lets see what they think about paying me $25/hour to crit lyrics (the f*kers)


DFelon204409
verse1- you always find a way to disgust. Reminds me of Goldmember eating his skin. Verse2- slips into lyrical poetry. Yeh we've all read the scheme before so what. "been" does that work? Verse3-the perfect verse. draws such vived imagary with an economy of words. 8/10

bowl of oranges
Not sure about this one. I like it and I dont at the same time. There's parts that are smooth and some that seem like sap. Take "soft beaches" for instance. Good effective writing but at the same time it seems too soft.
6.7/10

ITRIEDVOODOOONCE
It does have a certain savoir vivre to it. Disjointed as it seems. 7

Disco Dragon
I like the whole romance set up but this came off with such a cavalier, "skipping" approach. I'm not sure...
7/10

Necroses-bass
Very cultish... Now I dont know anything about death metal (as refered to by others) nor the bible so I'll take this at face value. Seems like a soundtrac for a comic book. Which I dont mean in bad way. Some very dark, talented, twisted artist could illustrate this quite handsomely. 5/10

RunAmokRampant
Low end, nibbled, differential. I really liked some of your phrases. In fact I liked everything but the "one feral look"....verse. Not sure why it just seems colorless. You're moving forward mate...even if you have that cheesy Aussie accent 8.5/10

bisnotch
No dont split this into stanza's. Then you'd lose the rant. I admit I liked most of this. "biggie fries". What I disregard was when you went generational. I'm not from you're generation and I'm totally indifferent to any whoas mes. but it did entertain. 7.5/10

Corupt2057
I sure enjoyed some of the crits of this. It could be sooo much worse. Thank God it isnt. 5/10

JaveryAM
"unable to grasp anything, unable to think anything" I sure dont like this structure and I seem to see it alot. It has no poetic flow at all. This piece really needs some stated insight or dogma to lend it some weight. On the upside, the 4th stanza is quite good. 6/10

addicted_tochaos
Melancholy...is that what it is? I'm not getting the gist here but more of a feeling. Good ending. 7/10

puredemocracy
ok a personal salute to a close friend. I can dig it and I've done it(experience challenge #1 jan 02). But these lines are to personal and specific for a general reader with no emotioanl attachment. 4/10

machinegunfunk
I've read the words of your detractors and wonder at their ferocity. Its not perfect, so what, but I find a certain truth in it. 7/10

Dancin' Man
I dont care for the whole father-sons bit. Seems too preachy. Relegions a tough one to get right. Keep trying if you must 5.5/10

zer0gauge
This has kindofa youthful, unabashed naivete to it. Oh...you're approaching 30. See I would have guessed much younger. Someone wrote pop/rock and I'll agree. See some will slam this but I enjoy a different style in the challenges. 6.9/10

Crimsonpunk
CLANG...the sound of an entry, without the topic word, hitting last place.

SubtleDagger
"skid mark" raises an image that has nothing to do with tiles. I've notice you frequently use phrases, I wont say Cliche, but well know adages..."A picture's worth a thousand words". As fundamently sound a writer as you are, this one seems ordinary to me. Even the "return to the lanes..." section cant rescue it from the florescent hum drum that is the check out line. 7/10

2nd DFelon204409
10th bowl of oranges
8th ITRIEDVOODOOONCE
4th Disco Dragon
11th Necroses-bass
1st RunAmokRampant
3rd bisnotch
14th Corupt2057
12th JaveryAM
5th addicted_tochaos
15th puredemocracy
7th machinegunfunk
13th Dancin' Man
9th zer0gauge
16th Crimsonpunk
6th SubtleDagger