[RunAmokRampant]

DFelon204409 1st
Impressive to say the least. A little short but is one the most tidiest poems in this challenge. The imagery is original and probably the only strong point throughout the piece although it flows nicely.

bowl of oranges 9th
Some good descriptive language but I feel the first two parts of the song are disjointed from the rest. Maybe it's because you change the narrative structure and that causes confusion. It's an okay song but the message seems to be a bit shrouded a little more than anticipated but I got it anyway. Not really outstanding but average.

ITRIEDVOODOOONCE 5th
Not too bad but it would be nice if you organised it a little better structure wise. A little fragmentation of the lines will help I think although this is a little short it could have been at least split into two parts. However it was interesting and had only a few grammatical problems which I'm pretty lenient on so it was not a bad effort.

Disco Dragon 6th
I actually don't mind this. Simplistic but well thought out. I don't like the way the structure is set out. The stanzas are too short and there are too many of them. Makes reading the poem more difficult and that is not what you want.

Necroses-bass 11th
I don't mean to be rude or condescending in any way but I feel that you're not a natural writer. Don't take this the wrong way, it's just that I think you have to try harder to create lyrics than some of the other writers in this challenge. But I sense effort was put in this song and the initial idea was decent. The imagery is too bland and doesn't develop into anything really exciting.

bisnotch 7th
I'm surprised that I actually read this whole thing. I thought when I started that I would burn out half way through. Some structure here is needed as the lyrics seems all twisted and it mutates the story into some kind of lyrical jam. The ideas you have are interesting but there are just too many. A different or a more conventional approach will not go to waste as I feel many readers will not bother to fully read your song because of the lack of structure.

Corupt2057 8th
I didn't like the Crayola metaphor at all. It simply doesn't fit. The rhyming gets a bit tiring but there is no denying that you're good at it. Some good descriptive language dotted throughout the song and good word choice for the most part.

JaveryAM 12th
Yes this is better than your last but a lot more work is needed to fully develop this. I'm not a big political music fan but I find there are good political songs out there and whgat you need to do if you ever decide to write another political song is to make it a lot more subtle in your approach and word choice. Scrap words like endorsements and government and figurative language can be your best friend. I suggest you listen to "Pet" by A Perfect Circle" for a good example of what I'm trying to say.

addicted_tochaos 2nd
This is pretty good but it feels cut off at the end. It end too abruptly for me. I feels unfinished and at least could have another stanza. I think I get what you're trying to say but I'm not exactly sure because when I think I've nailed the message the next line or section totally makes no sense of what I thought the message was.

puredemocracy 15th
I'm not really into this song. I'm also not into drugs either. If this is a poem to a dead friend or relative you should make it less confronting and less black and white. Writing about snorting coke and using slangish language such as pot and booze is not the way to go. Not a beautifully written song and not enough emotion or figurative language to really paint a good picture of what you're trying to say.

machinegunfunk 14th
This was okay till the last stanza and then it took a cliche path with the "worth dying for" parts. Sounds a bit lame and a failed climatic ending. The rest was well written and worded however.

Dancin' Man 4th
Not bad for a religious song. There isn't too much content to work with but the interchanging perspective works exceptionally well. Nice title which basically outlines the theme of the piece.

zer0gauge 10th
I don't mind this because the rhyming is simple but is not overtly annoying. That is probably the only redeeming aspect of the poem. Need to work out the content better with structure and development. Vocabulary might need to improve a bit but that is not the major concern of the poem I think

Crimsonpunk 16th
Gorefest? Meh. The last line seems pointless. Cant seem to find the challenge word either

SubtleDagger 3rd
"I left a skid mark just for you" Wtf? That is weird way of describing things or am I taking this the wrong way? It works but I'm not sure if it fits the tone of this piece. Otherwise it is a good poem.