[ATC]

Ack, they're breeding like rabbits.

Rabbits that I have to critique. Oh wells.

Dfelon- It's an amazing poem. I can see why this is the optimum length for this piece, but it does leave me feeling a little cheated. As always, you're a poet before you were a lyricist. 4

Bowl of O- You started off on the wrong foot. The title and the word 'thug'.
You show a lot of promise though since you manage to turn it all around from
stanza three onwards. Hell,I'd say cut the first two verses. Potentially good, just feels a little hurried. 3

ITRIEDVOODOOONCE- Awkward name,non? This shouldn't be one lump like it
is now. You've got some distinct parts, trapped in one congealed mass. Lines
5-6 and the last bit. 5

Disco D- I like the progression. The challenge word's in an awkward place and your rhymes feel forced 'malevolence, violence'. Beelzebub? That sounds...interesting, though I'd love to see how you'd work that musically. Average,for the most part. 10

Necroses- I think I mentioned in the replies thread all the comments I had for you. Feels like you're trying too hard. 11

RunAmokRampant- I like. I don't know how I managed to miss this the first time around. You struggle with awkwardness in a few places. Its not as big a deal as when you started out. You've come a long way towards getting yourself organized. Good job. I don't know what the these phrases are (that are, which are, etc). For a creative writing major, I do suck for not knowing that but still, you use those in places where they dont need to be. It breaks the flow and blunts the hook. Your second verse/chorus suffers from that. You don't really need the 'searching for' part. I'd think 'A soft center..' works a little better. Makes it more hook-y, if you will. Overall, one of the better pieces this time around. 1

Bisnotch- My head hurts. I hope you will someday be introduced to a little word called structure. Unorganized ideas made into a collage. There's a few interesting ideas in there that would do well by themselves, but I just honestly cannot focus on them cos I have to navigate through way too much. 8

Corupt- You wrote a song,only to bring in an ice cream chain? Wtf? Crayola?
You also rhyme a bit much, even though that is your strength, i guess. Its that part I like about your work, the simple nature of it, but duuude, no corporate name-dropping. 9

Javery- Not a very effective rebel cry. You get your point across, I'll give you that but it does not make me want to do anything about it. 13

Puredemocracy- Uh okay. You had me going for a little while. I thought it felt funky when it started but then you broke my heart. No. Not very effective as a eulogy or repartee to a dead person or whatever. 14

Machinegunfunk- I hope you understand some of the basics of writing an effective political song. I think it was Tom Morello who said it about good songs make you want to tap your feet and bang your girl while great songs make you want to burn the police or something. Do you think your song makes anyone want to do anything? The last part does that, but your first two verses dont. Not unless you have a chorus to link them. 12

Dancin'Man- I'm indifferent to this at this point. You start off and end cheesy. The conversations are mildly interesting and I love your use of the challenge word. 6

Zerogauge- Ordinary pop rock. Lyrically not very sound, but you'll make it to the radio. Ps: That was the most horrible usage of the challenge word...Ever!! 15

Crimsonpunk- The ghost of Danzig. You've got some of the wry lines down but this seems like you hastily cobbled together your thoughts after listening to a Misfits Cd. 7

Subtle- I critted this in the S&L forums. I cant think of anything new to say, except that your avatar blinds me in its fluorescence. 2