Sputnik Music Forums - View Single Post - Challenge 86 - Voting

Minos · 05-02-2005, 05:20 AM

Eh, what the hell. 3:30am, can't sleep, why not vote?

8 - Corrupt - 5.8 - I think SuperD's crit was a lot more helpful than you give credit. It feels as though I'm reading a synapsis on Edward Scissorhands. Why would I want that? Hell, I'd just buy books on tape, then. You need imagery, rather than writing blatant rhymes, paint me a picture.

10 - Mr. Hankie - 3.0 - Yes, a joke. However, it's amusing how well it sums up the only plausible topic.

3 - Disco Dragon - 6.2 - You've done better. The word does seem pasted in there, but not all that bad. I think its just kind of tough to figure which direction you're running.

7 - R.A.R - 5.9 - Alright, this is NOT a bad piece. The problem is that it felt like I was reading from a textbook. Well written, but dull. There is no imagery, no catchy line that left me like...wow. Again, don't just write, paint me a picture. I want to SEE what you see.

2 - 6945 - 6.3 - It flows. It has no rhymes that bring to mind Dr. Suess, or Shel Silverstein (if anyone followed his work, his songs were pretty vulgar. That was before 'A Light in The Attic' and such). Anywho, but again, I have only a couple images from this. The dawn in the mirror, awesome, rubber on asphalt, crescent moon. That's it.

6 - Rushfan - 5.99 - Okay, rhyming is not inherently evil. Silly, or overused rhymes, however, can be very grating. Take this, from Ra:

'Fallen rock zone
Broken backbone
I wanna hear you scream into your cellphone
You're just a traitor
Eleventh grader
Cyber-sex addicted masturbator'

Possibly the most cheesy rhyming I've EVER heard. Avoid stuff that may sound as such.

5 - Season of the Mad - 6.0 - Last place for spamming votes! Jk, anyway It isn't all bad. But like they've said, it kind of jumps around without warning. Starts out well, albeit simplistic rhyming, but the flow is comforting and the imagery is decent. From there, though, it dives. Our comforting flow changes for the worst, the imagery jumps from one idea to the next...next thing we know, we're in the corner crying.

9 - super deluxe - 3.1 - Bonus for using turd in a song. EXTRA bonus for using it again, as an adjective!

1 - jmunk - 6.5 - Agreed, not your best, but definately better than anything else posted. They see a song written in an unfamiliar way and they run to the hills. A) I believe the z's were meant to underscore the cliche? B) Swearing in a song does not automatically **** it from merit. When they are well placed, and not overused, they can bring a lot more emotion to a piece than a less vulgar synonym.

4 - addicted_toTACOS! - 6.1 - Bleak, to say the least. This does seem a bit softcore for you, but whatever. No imagery. I just see blackness. Maybe, over there, is that a...no, just blackness. However, your word usage and several phrases did very well in my mind. I liked the numbers->face->voice part.

05-02-2005, 05:20 AM	#16
Minos Artist for the Blind... Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Crouched in jungles Posts: 574	Eh, what the hell. 3:30am, can't sleep, why not vote? 8 - Corrupt - 5.8 - I think SuperD's crit was a lot more helpful than you give credit. It feels as though I'm reading a synapsis on Edward Scissorhands. Why would I want that? Hell, I'd just buy books on tape, then. You need imagery, rather than writing blatant rhymes, paint me a picture. 10 - Mr. Hankie - 3.0 - Yes, a joke. However, it's amusing how well it sums up the only plausible topic. 3 - Disco Dragon - 6.2 - You've done better. The word does seem pasted in there, but not all that bad. I think its just kind of tough to figure which direction you're running. 7 - R.A.R - 5.9 - Alright, this is NOT a bad piece. The problem is that it felt like I was reading from a textbook. Well written, but dull. There is no imagery, no catchy line that left me like...wow. Again, don't just write, paint me a picture. I want to SEE what you see. 2 - 6945 - 6.3 - It flows. It has no rhymes that bring to mind Dr. Suess, or Shel Silverstein (if anyone followed his work, his songs were pretty vulgar. That was before 'A Light in The Attic' and such). Anywho, but again, I have only a couple images from this. The dawn in the mirror, awesome, rubber on asphalt, crescent moon. That's it. 6 - Rushfan - 5.99 - Okay, rhyming is not inherently evil. Silly, or overused rhymes, however, can be very grating. Take this, from Ra: 'Fallen rock zone Broken backbone I wanna hear you scream into your cellphone You're just a traitor Eleventh grader Cyber-sex addicted masturbator' Possibly the most cheesy rhyming I've EVER heard. Avoid stuff that may sound as such. 5 - Season of the Mad - 6.0 - Last place for spamming votes! Jk, anyway It isn't all bad. But like they've said, it kind of jumps around without warning. Starts out well, albeit simplistic rhyming, but the flow is comforting and the imagery is decent. From there, though, it dives. Our comforting flow changes for the worst, the imagery jumps from one idea to the next...next thing we know, we're in the corner crying. 9 - super deluxe - 3.1 - Bonus for using turd in a song. EXTRA bonus for using it again, as an adjective! 1 - jmunk - 6.5 - Agreed, not your best, but definately better than anything else posted. They see a song written in an unfamiliar way and they run to the hills. A) I believe the z's were meant to underscore the cliche? B) Swearing in a song does not automatically **** it from merit. When they are well placed, and not overused, they can bring a lot more emotion to a piece than a less vulgar synonym. 4 - addicted_toTACOS! - 6.1 - Bleak, to say the least. This does seem a bit softcore for you, but whatever. No imagery. I just see blackness. Maybe, over there, is that a...no, just blackness. However, your word usage and several phrases did very well in my mind. I liked the numbers->face->voice part.