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Old 11-04-2004, 06:31 AM   #15
Linsey
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Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 2,129
sorry if my votes arent very detailed, but if i dont get them done today i probably wont have time to do them before voting closes.

NOTE :: the following ratings and crits are just my opinions, so dont get offended if i didnt like something...

13 - xKONRADx - is this supposed to be your entry? if so, i dont think it should be. no offense, but it seems like a poor attempt to be wordy and poetic.

3 - A_Perfect_Sonnet - its ok. its emotive, but although theres quite alot of metaphors ans stuff in there, i think it seems a bit too blunt in places. pretty good though.

1 - pixiesfanyo - i like it. short and sweet. it made me think... good thing :P

6 - Disco Dragon - erm... i dont know. seems like quite a good theme.. but i dont like it. it doesnt flow particularly well, and there isnt anything to really think about/picture/imagine... its a bit bland.

4 - ta'ao - it was good apart from the bracket bits.. they completely ruined it. the rest of it was very good.

2 - Deathapalooza - its ok. it is quite emotive and simple, which is good.

12 - TrailOfTragedy - meh. i didnt like it.

11 - losersk8er032 - it seems you have sacrificed a great deal of much needed flow for not very good half rhymes. makes it sound VERY forced.

10 - Eleventeen - "Do you care? - Oh never mind" i do not like that line at all. and i dont like the stanza its in either. i dont like the rhyme scheme, or the fact that you have used those dashes... why not just put it on a new line?? youve also spelt "try" wrong.. i also dont like the way you've tried to make the lines rhyme by putting the last half of it on a new line.. overall. its not great, and its an overused topic. sorry.

9 - SubtleDagger - i like the one line on its own. "but i will wake" - nice. the rest, however, is a bit bland, a bit boring, it doesnt flow very well, and seems to jump from talking about you to about a girl to about something else.. its too confusing. and the way you've split up sentecnes like ...

"The foundation does
Little to hide her complexion"

..doesnt work.. it doesnt flow at all. it would work better with "little" on the first line i think.. or "does" on the second.

7 - Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger - "My heart was scotched and drunk from spouting of blood"... doesnt make sense??

"That I couldn't be without
You Glad that we could talk this out" - im guessing you meant to put the "you" on the second line here, but i think it should be on the first..

i like the last two lines. they flow well, and the rhyming is pretty good. they also make you want to go back and read it again to see where the "double" comes from.. and then you kind of realise it.. its a brilliant ending, for a very average entry.

x - Linsey - me.

8 - chips88 - i dont really understand it.. i dont really know what else to say.

5 - addicted_tochaos - "I told them you keep your heart in a pillowcase" i LOVE this line. very beautiful. however... "I exchanged fairy tales with the king of cheese" the king of cheese??? not good.. change it to the king of something else (i dont know what..), and that would be a really good line. i do realise that the reference to cheese is there for a reason... but having it right on the ende of a line like that makes it stick out like a sore thumb, and it sounds wrong. it started quite well... and then went downhill. and ended pretty badly.
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