Its was going so good until you started talking about eating flesh. Why? Why? Why? That is like the most suicidal thing you could ever do while writing this song! CUT IT OUT NOW!
The last too verse/paragraphs after are not as strong as the first two. I think if you do whatever you did while writing the first two youll make them better as well, just change that refrain and youll have yourself a song my friend.
I dont think its sounds much like Zepplin, but its good.
