Quote:
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Originally Posted by mshort813
You're silouette is drawn in my mind.
It darkens with every note I find.
Notes filled with hatred, love, despair.
They conceal me with every swear.
CHORUS:
My bones weaken with every hit I take.
With every move, my muscles ache.
The sunlight is bleeding through the blinds
And your silouette is drawn in my mind.
I hear your soft cry for it's the only reason I know I'm alive.
It's barely above a whisper but still above all the other cries.
It accompanies me on my long trip home.
It chills me to my every bone.
CHORUS:
My bones weaken with every hit I take.
With every move, my muscles ache.
The sunlight is bleeding through the blinds
And your silouette is drawn in my mind.
give me some feedback on this song and ill help you with some of your own.
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Hey, i like this, it has a meaning and the ryhme scheme isn't using obvious ryhmes, i like the way you have incorporated the 1st line of the song to last line of the chorus, very nice touch, altho the second verse doesnt seem to flow with the 1st, altho this may b because the vocals speed up? i know this happens in some of my songs and people dont understand it, but all in all a very good song, keep writing, i'd love to see wot u produce next.
P.S Could u plz crit my song its called "break of day", there are 2 versions plz crit the both of them to c the differences, thanx