Very good song. I do have a few suggestions.
Quote:
my strenght inside
fades Like paper will in rain
is it to late, to see whats written drawn or
how to ask to be
|
I think that having the "will" in "Like paper will in the rain" is a mistake. It gives much more imagery to the reader if you make a direct metaphor by saying "fades like paper in the rain".
Also, the chorus seems a little too choppy by the way that it was typed. People tend to type the way that it should be sung, and if this is the case here, make sure not to chop it up into 2 or 3 word sentences. Smooth choruses are much more attractive than choppy ones.
Finally, "Come now turn your back and leave me" could get a little old by the fourth time. Make sure to mix up the rhythm or the way it is sung so that the listener is not getting bored.
Great song. 8/10