View Single Post
Old 02-16-2004, 06:53 PM   #2
nightshade2600
no gods no masters
 
nightshade2600's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 163
great song, the only thing i would change is that all of the verses dont rhyme except this one.

ooh, dont be surprised
youre her prey, all alone
as she swoops in for the kill
tangled on her web
youll plead for your life
if youre unable to thrill

its always best to stick to a pattern, and i like all the other verses as they are, so you might want to change that so it doesnt rhyme. nice song though! good flow and straightforward. 7.5/10
nightshade2600 is offline