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k here goes
i am broken, i can't feel
right behind the steering wheel
my mind is bleeding thoughts of you
don't know what i'm going to do
This stanza has potential but the last two lines need a bit of work maybe change the last line so it ends in true sumthing more original anyway
i think i'll drive into this wall
it's made of brick, stand 10 feet tall
"i'm gonna die" you said to me
tears fill my eyes and i can't see
I like this as you've kept the idea of tears filling your eyes rom the first verse and the first couplet is a gd one
if you're dying then i am too
can't take this **** that you've been through
this is the worst it's ever been
my other half, my finest friend
[i]I think this would work best as your chorus..the rhyming patern seems different and it sums up the whole song...defiantely a chorus.
i say goodbye to your sweet face
and as you're leaving from this place
i hold your hand and touch your cheek
it's hard to see you when you're weak
overall a good stanza nuthing to chamnge here[i]
i close your eyes for you my dear
now you are ridden of your fear
and as i blow your face a kiss
i swallow a bullet... it's come to this
the bst stanza in my opinion really gd song overall hope ive helped
NICK
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