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Old 11-07-2005, 12:46 AM   #13
SubtleDagger
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Posts: n/a
TojesDolan - Grammar issues cripple most of the piece. You use words that are overly redundant more than once. The imagery is alright but the style is just off.
7th

RunAmokRampant
- Majorly clunky flow. It sounds like you're stumbling over your own syllables here. I also tend to dislike pieces with condescending tones, just because the whole mood grows old by a few lines.
8th

MMPR
- Good ideas. The rhyming however is just atrocious. I can't stand it. I really feel like it brings down the entire piece. Still, this is pretty good.
6th

Dancin' Man
- Well... it's pretty bad. Every metaphor feels heavy-handed and clumsy as all hell. You also rhymed "dungeon" with "luncheon". That's just grasping for straws.
9th

bowl of oranges
- More condescending stuff. This is better than the other one, though. Good contrasts and ideas for the most part.
5th

pixiesfanyo
- Really good. Second stanza has a few things I dislike by mere preference but aside from that it's good.
2nd

ATC
- Horrible title. Actually, I'll go ahead and say this is the worst piece I've seen from you in a while. Lots of go-nowhere ambiguous references and bad turns of phrase. Yuck.
12th

silenceevolves
- Same crit as ATC's piece, except the turns of phrase are gone and replaced by defunct metaphors. I honestly feel absolutely nothing from reading it.
11th

xKONRADx
- I like this, aside from the stupid "master (Castor)" garbage. The rest is, uh... a good song about Frankenstein.
3rd

Lowridden
- Overblown and unnecessary. I pretty much dislike the entire format, it's just not anything approaching clever to me. And it basically ruins the entire piece.
13th

Scarred4Life
- This is the best entry. Really really good. I have no issues with it.
1st

KeepingtheBlade
- A few grammar issues, but it's pretty good and shows promise.
4th

Crimsonpunk
- The first half of this is grammatically unsound, meaning that it simply does not make sense because you use words wrong. The rest isn't so hot. So it's low on my list.
10th