Sputnik Music Forums - View Single Post - Challenge 97

Scarred4Life · 10-31-2005, 09:11 PM

TojesDolan: Hmmm.....not a bad little song but I think that the flow isn't so great. Try reading it out loud and you'll notice how some lines feel very jerky. The overall concept and imagery is good, however there is too much repetition and weak rhythm for this to shine. 6.5 Rank: 8

RunAmokRampant: I love the imagery here, its probably the best of any piece this challenge. However, the flow is really lacking. I tried to figure out how it should go, but nothing really seemed to work. It'd probably be better if some of the 'fat' was cut out from it. 7.0 Rank: 7

MMPR: This is very nice and pretty but it feels like it should be a painting, it doesnt feel like a song. The rhyming really hurts this piece, since it comes at awkward times and hurts the flow in my opinion. 7.2 Rank: 5

Dancin' Man: Ummmmm....its overly long, flow is seemingly non-existant and the concepts presented feel tired. Other than that its ok. 6.0 Rank: 13

Bowl of Oranges: I liked this one actually. It had fairly decent flow and I felt the ideas presented were solid. 7.5 Rank: 3

SubtleDagger: Pretty standard song from you and as usual it is quite good. The thing that won me over was the last stanza which I felt was beautiful. My only gripe was that the first stanza felt a bit clunky and contrived. 8.4 Rank: 1

Pixiesfanyo: Pretty good. The best line I felt was the "winter drips into your room unnoticed." The flow was a little off and some of the images were sub-par but overall it did what it was supposed to. 7.3 Rank: 4

ATC: uh yeah, tell me, what was the purpose of this piece? I was reading and trying to find some sort of unifying thought, other than randomness, and came up with nothing. On the positive side "I want to fall down the nearest rabbit hole big enough to have me whole" was a good line in my opinion. 6.1 Rank: 12

Silenceevolves: This would probably make more sense if I was drunk while reading it. Yeah...it was ok, but it had very little substance or flow. 6.3 Rank: 10

xKonradx:Pretty decent and strightforward. The flow was decent, the imagery was decent, but it lacked 'oomph.' No one line or stanza stood out as being great, it was all just fine. 7.1 Rank: 6

Lowridenn: Ok, these are supposed to be songs. How the hell are all those little descriptions worked into the song? Are they said/sung? If so, then this is one awkward song man. The structure really ruins it which is a shame because some lines were quite good. 6.4 Rank: 9

Scared4Life

KeepingtheBlade: I liked this. I felt it was quite powerful and moving. You really captured the thought you wanted to. 7.7 Rank: 2

CrimsonPunk: Very awkward overall. The flow seemed off, the images were weak and the concept was dry. 6.1 Rank: 11

10-31-2005, 09:11 PM	#2
Scarred4Life Senior Guard Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Under a crimson sky Posts: 3,744	TojesDolan: Hmmm.....not a bad little song but I think that the flow isn't so great. Try reading it out loud and you'll notice how some lines feel very jerky. The overall concept and imagery is good, however there is too much repetition and weak rhythm for this to shine. 6.5 Rank: 8 RunAmokRampant: I love the imagery here, its probably the best of any piece this challenge. However, the flow is really lacking. I tried to figure out how it should go, but nothing really seemed to work. It'd probably be better if some of the 'fat' was cut out from it. 7.0 Rank: 7 MMPR: This is very nice and pretty but it feels like it should be a painting, it doesnt feel like a song. The rhyming really hurts this piece, since it comes at awkward times and hurts the flow in my opinion. 7.2 Rank: 5 Dancin' Man: Ummmmm....its overly long, flow is seemingly non-existant and the concepts presented feel tired. Other than that its ok. 6.0 Rank: 13 Bowl of Oranges: I liked this one actually. It had fairly decent flow and I felt the ideas presented were solid. 7.5 Rank: 3 SubtleDagger: Pretty standard song from you and as usual it is quite good. The thing that won me over was the last stanza which I felt was beautiful. My only gripe was that the first stanza felt a bit clunky and contrived. 8.4 Rank: 1 Pixiesfanyo: Pretty good. The best line I felt was the "winter drips into your room unnoticed." The flow was a little off and some of the images were sub-par but overall it did what it was supposed to. 7.3 Rank: 4 ATC: uh yeah, tell me, what was the purpose of this piece? I was reading and trying to find some sort of unifying thought, other than randomness, and came up with nothing. On the positive side "I want to fall down the nearest rabbit hole big enough to have me whole" was a good line in my opinion. 6.1 Rank: 12 Silenceevolves: This would probably make more sense if I was drunk while reading it. Yeah...it was ok, but it had very little substance or flow. 6.3 Rank: 10 xKonradx:Pretty decent and strightforward. The flow was decent, the imagery was decent, but it lacked 'oomph.' No one line or stanza stood out as being great, it was all just fine. 7.1 Rank: 6 Lowridenn: Ok, these are supposed to be songs. How the hell are all those little descriptions worked into the song? Are they said/sung? If so, then this is one awkward song man. The structure really ruins it which is a shame because some lines were quite good. 6.4 Rank: 9 Scared4Life KeepingtheBlade: I liked this. I felt it was quite powerful and moving. You really captured the thought you wanted to. 7.7 Rank: 2 CrimsonPunk: Very awkward overall. The flow seemed off, the images were weak and the concept was dry. 6.1 Rank: 11 Last edited by Scarred4Life; 11-07-2005 at 03:12 PM.